Saturday, July 31, 2021

Coronation Street Catch Up: the pictures of me knackers edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


"30 days hath September, 
But Dev would like to be December..."

It seems like the naked-ish calendar project is stimulating activity in the Street. As you recall, the calendar was the brainchild of Curtis and Emma to raise money for Steve's charity by featuring notable Street males in the buff (private parts to be obscured by suitably-sized fruit and veg, or other props).

Noted local photographer Brian has been commissioned to take snaps of the 12 or 13 punters in classic artistic poses. I guess this explains Ty in a towel and bowler hat. Kev is more in the d'Artagnan mode, while Dev is flailing away with a baguette (not a euphemism).

Speaking of Curtis, seems that he and Emma are moving their relationship along (in the biblical sense) so why is Curtis in the Bistro with a "dolly bird" (to quote Deb's 1960s lingo). Steve certainly wants to know.

Further down the Street, Paul wants to know what's going on with Will and Todd and he's determined to find out. Especially since he is now the prime suspect in the case of the stolen heat pump, which was taken from Ed's yard.

Well, of course, it was Todd who stole (and fenced) the hot heat pump to get some fast cash to pay off Will who is threatening to tell the truth about Todd's sordid exploits. Todd gives Will the specified blackmail money but Will secretly records his conversation with Todd who admits to sabotaging Billy and Paul's relationship and to stealing the heat pump. What will Will do with the secret video?

One unfortunate consequence of the heat pump fiasco is that it looks bad for Rev. Billy who has decided to hand in his resignation as Vice President of Churchy Things (not his real title) much to Todd's dismay.

Fiz's tell all newspaper article seems to have resonated with readers and the thinly-disguised names in the story are soon decoded by everyone including Ty and Alina who are not pleased and want to tell their side of the story to the Weatherfield Gazette. Good luck Peter Pan & Sofia! (oops, I mean Ty and Alina).

George and Eileen seem to be back on friendly terms except that Eileen misinterprets George's overtures and discovers that his passion is... to get Eileen to do some graft at the funeral parlour. 

Natasha decides that it's okay for Sam to spend a week with Nick. Leanne seems okay with that but, since Sam is staying in Oliver's old room, maybe it's not such a good idea.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Eileen to Mary re: George's surprise appearance at her house:
"Why is there a one-armed undertaker holding a stick in my backyard?"
(...maybe he's just happy to see you?)

Brian wonders if Emma is trying to recruit him for the calendar:
"You don't want me to de-robe?"
(not ever!)

Todd to Will:
"Always have an insurance policy"
(you mean he should give Manulife a call?)

Kevin to Emma:
"Do I look like I get waxed?"
(I'll let you know after the calendar comes out)

Brian defends his artistic vision to Tyrone:
"It's modern art, it's meant to be surreal"
Ty responds:
"Oh it's surreal alright. Bloke from corner shop taking pictures of me knackers"
(one might say "double exposure")

Ryan to Daisy after she suggests that spooning with her is like cuddling Roy:
"Why would I be cuddling Roy?"
(to stay warm while watching bats?)

Headline of article in the Gazette about Fiz's experience with Ty:
"The Left Behind"
(I presume the sequel will be entitled, 'The Right Behind') 

***
Well, collegial Coronation Street watchers, so ends another week. Will Todd finally get what's coming to him (and I don't mean a fancy wedding suit)? I hope so. In the meantime, thanks for stopping by and have a great week.

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Coronation Street Catch Up: the snarky little stuck-up cow edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


Well, Ryan, now you've done it.  You let one night of suggestively named cocktails with a tawdry temptress (Daisy) lead to a breakup with your beautiful, smart girlfriend (Alya). 

That's the long and short of Ryan's misfortune as he aspires to be a top DJ and instead winds up  bladdered in Daisy's bed of horrors (it's like a Stephen King novel only much more scary).

Speaking of horrors, Todd is getting an unwelcome blast from the past as young Will shows up demanding more money for services rendered. As you recall, it was Will who helped engineer the breakup between Billy and Paul. Now Will is blackmailing Todd who is looking for a quick way to get his hands on a few thousand pounds. And Rev Billy just bought a heat pump for the exact sum of... a few thousand pounds. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

All this could put a wrench into Todd's wedding plans. Oh yes, it's official. First, Billy said "no" and then he said "yes". So it looks like the happy couple will tie the knot (and save money on hiring a celebrant as Billy can do that).  

The girls at the factory think Fiz should start dating but her truthful dating profile only succeeds in attracting a reporter looking to do an article about Fiz's experience with a no-good husband who left her for a fancy piece.

Curtis and Emma think that a calendar with naked Street males will raise a lot of money for Steve's charity. The only problem is that fellas like Steve and Dev aren't exactly keen on shedding their kit for the photos. One might say that's a 'small' detail.

Izzy doesn't seem to be doing very well. She doesn't seem to be able to manage working from home and her neighbour/helper is very concerned. As a result, Carla is forced to assign Izzy's workload to the rest of the Underworld staff who are not amused.

George and Sean try to play Eileen so Sean can get a place to stay and George can get a date. Verdict: it doesn't work.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Beth assures Fiz that she's good dating material:
"You've got a Prosecco personality"
(her name says it all)

Todd to George after an urn with equine ashes is given to the wrong customer.
"We can't let him put a horse on the mantelpiece"
(forget about it; no point flogging a dead horse)

Tracy to Steve on how to hide his privates for the calendar photo:
"You could cover yours with a car key"
(for an Austin Mini, one presumes)
 
Daisy to Jenny:
"I have a moral compass"
(you keep it well hidden)

Alya calls out Daisy:
"Snarky little stuck up cows that think they can get away with anything just because they're pretty"
(just about sums it up)

Daisy promises to accompany Ryan to his DJ gig: 
"I will be there right by your side shaking my maracas"
(and bring some hand percussion instruments too)

Todd proposes:
Will you, Billy Mayhew, finally make an honest man out of me?"
(not even Billy can do that!)

Daisy to Alya who is wearing the same dress... but not in the same way:.
"I feel a bit cleavagey"
(that's what happens when you shake your maracas)

Audrey to Gail:
"Hair doesn't need luck, it needs work"
(you don't have to tell Gail)

***
Well, cobble cohorts, so ends another week. Will Todd manage to suppress the truth or will his lies finally be exposed? Oh, and welcome back Peter. Looks like he's returned with his new liver installed and so far, so good. Have a great week and thanks so much for spending time here at the Hip.

Saturday, July 17, 2021

Coronation Street Catch Up: the hypnobirth edition

your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


Football may not be coming home, but it seems to be coming to Coronation Street thanks to James.

Seems that James has been pegged to replace Weatherfield County legend, Tommy Orpington and a news conference is planned to make the big announcement. Everyone (including Aggie who is back) is delighted, but the media seems to be more interested in James' personal life. So James takes the bull by the horns and addresses the fact that he is gay. Everyone on the Street is supportive and proud - especially superfans Tim and Steve.

On a less positive note, Ty's ex (Kirsty) has died and Ty arranges the funeral with help from Fiz. Seems the traumatic experience may be bringing the feuding couple closer until Fiz discovers that Alina is pregnant (with Little Ty or Tyette). Meanwhile Evelyn finds herself caught in the crossfire between Ty and Fiz.

Poor Gail is stressed out dealing with her dysfunctional kids and suffers a heart attack. While recovering in hospital, she decides that she needs to get away and Thailand seems be her destination of choice.

Sarah is reeling from the fact that Nick not only wants to sell his shares in the factory but then goes and sells to Carla - even though Sarah was hoping to buy the business with the financial help of Adam.

Ryan wants to pursue his dream of being a DJ although Alya would prefer him to do something more..um..lucrative. Meanwhile Daisy seems to be sticking her proverbial oar in and playing head games with gullible Ryan.

Summer isn't adapting well to her diagnosis of diabetes. She doesn't like injecting herself and seems intent on defying the realities of her condition.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Evelyn to Maria and Fiz re: Kirsty:
"She made Eleanor Rigby look popular"
(Just ask Father McKenzie)

Ty tells Evelyn about Alina's possible birth plans:
"She might have a hypnobirth"
(requires a midwife... and a medium)

Gail tells David she needs a break from the Platt kids:
"I need to gaze into a pond"
(instead of a sinkhole)

Gail bemoans to Audrey her kids' lack of consideration:
"What does it take to buy a box of After Eights?"
(about 11 bucks plus tax)

Ryan to Daisy:
"I'll get the old brain juices stirring then I'll start the job hunt"
(you might have a long wait)

Alina breaks the news to Ty that she is pregnant:
"When I saw that little blue line, I felt excited"
(Just wait till she uses a ballpoint pen)

David corrects Gail who is singing the wrong words to a Bastille song:
"They're singing optimist, not octopus"
(maybe they're singing about a squid who always looks on the bright side?)

***
Well, fellow County Cheerleaders, so ends another week and what a blast to have an uplifting story (especially in the wake of the Euro) about James. A star on and off the pitch. The only thing that would make this sweeter is to see toe rag Corey drummed out of the Weathy County Football Academy. Fingers crossed. Thanks for the pleasure of your company here at the Hip and have a great week!

Saturday, July 10, 2021

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Double Scammy edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


If I may quote from the wisdom of The Who, it seems like the phrase "meet the new boss, same as the old boss"  seems applicable to Harvey's drug empire. 

Thanks to the testimony of Leanne and the surprise truth-telling of Sharon in court, Harvey seems destined to be spending a lot of time taking communal showers and wearing a prison jumpsuit. However, although Harv is safely stowed in Her Majesty's custody, it seems there's a top job vacancy and Sharon is ready to take over.

Of course, Sharon needs a little seed(y) money to re-start the drug business so she puts on a soft soap act for Rita, hoping to get Reet to cough up 10K for a new life (of crime). However, Rita doesn't fall for the con and Sharon hits the road.

Meanwhile, over at the Rovers, Jenny is celebrating her prospective ownership of the pub thanks to Daisy's investment, based on her Double Glammy revenues. But, hold on, it looks like the cheesy cosmetics empire is in jeopardy now that Sean has seen the light, refunded some money to Double Glammy victims, and shared his story with Bistro-dwelling journalist, Daniel. Oh, Danny Boy the gripes, the gripes.(of Glammy victims) are appalling. The cub reporter's exposé promises to sink the pyramid scheme despite Daisy's last minute attempts to stop the presses. 

Rev. Billy and Todd finally learn what's wrong with Summer. After an emergency trip to the hospital, she is diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Later, Billy finally asks Todd to move into their micro-flat. So, two reasons to feel bad for Summer. 

Tracy and Steve are both interfering in Emma's love life. Emma is interested in Curtis (new guy working at the Bistro). Tracy insists that Emma play hard to get. Steve disagrees. Finally Steve wins and Emma and Curtis wind up dining together at the Bistro.

Tyrone is having a bad week. First he lies about taking his motorcycle test, then the new motorcycle falls on him, then his new tattoo is hurting and, worst of all, he finds out that Kirsty (ex-partner, mother of Ruby, and the woman who abused Ty) has died. Ty turns to Fiz to share his feelings. Meanwhile Alina tells Emma, she thinks she may be pregnant.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Evelyn comments about Ty's two-wheeled misadventure:
"There's not much funnier than you pinioned under a motorbike like a squashed frog"
(Ribbit)

Fiz wants to know what Ty's "T A" tattoo means:
"Have you joined the Territorial Army?"
(no such luck. It stands for Tyrone and Alina)

Daniel shows Daisy the headline of his exposé:
"Double Scammy"
(wish I could see the look on Rydian's face when he sees that)

Steve brags to Tracy about his matchmaking prowess:
"I am Cupid's Puppet Master"
(just call him CPM for short)

Eileen warns Sean:
"Daisy is a nasty piece of work"
(one might say the Weed of Weatherfield)

Nick objects to Gail telling him that staying with Leanne is like 'backing the wrong horse':
"So we're starting with the equine analogies?"
(Giddy Up!)

Gail to Nick:
"I've never told you how to live your life or what to do"
(hey, what have you done with the real Gail?)

Sean to his Double Glammy students:
"Once upon a time there was a little boy named Sean Amadeus Tully"
(sounds like a crock of Mozart)

Jenny to Sharon as she's arrested:
"Have fun in prison Sharon!"
(making licence plates can be quite amusing)

***
Well, fellow Coronation Chums, so ends another week. Nice to see justice prevail in Harvey's trial but worrisome to see that Sharon wants to take over his drug empire. Also nice to see a possible end to the Double Glammy pyramid scheme. Thanks as always for spending time at the Hip and have a great week!
 

Friday, July 9, 2021

10 things the Queen probably didn't say when she visited Coronation Street

Coronation Street recently received a Royal visit from a very special guest (No, not Curly Watts). The Queen visited to help celebrate the show's diamond jubilee and was given a tour of the Corrie set including a swift half at the Rovers Return pub.

Here's a Top Ten list of things Her Majesty probably didn't say during her visit:

1. "How does Rev. Billy manage to sit down in those tight pants?"

2. "Thanks for the bouquet. Is it from Dev's or Preston's Petals?

3. "I could murder a pint and some pork scratchings"

4. "I think that Harvey Gaskell was the same fella that broke into my bedroom in 1982"

5. "Cancel my limo, I'll ride back to the Palace on Tim's horse, Tiny"

6. "Can I try Sharon's Taser on the tabloid press?"

7. "I hereby appoint Cerberus as a Member of the Order of the British Empire"

8. "Somebody get me Tommy Orpington's autograph!"

9. "I've got a coupon for a free meal at the Bistro. Anyone care to join me?"

10. "Where do I sign up for Double Glammy?"

Saturday, July 3, 2021

Coronation Street Catch Up: the sexy leather edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation street...


Nick, Leanne and Simon are back but the heat is on as Harvey "el Chappie" Gaskell is orchestrating a campaign of intimidation from the confines of HM Norcross prison (slogan: 'our felons have phones'). 

The latest salvo consists of one of Harv's henchmen taking a few shots at Nick and Sam in broad daylight. Natasha is furious with Nick for putting their son in danger and wants to break off contact with Nick to protect Sam who seems somewhat unconcerned with the dangers of kidnapping, guns etc.

Meanwhile Leanne seems to have decided not to lie in court, but rather tell the truth and she is determined to put Harvey behind bars for a long time. Nick is not so sure that's a good idea. Meanwhile Harvey seems to be displeased with Aunty Sharon and she could be in danger.

Elsewhere Billy and Todd are concerned about Summer who is not eating and having difficulty concentrating on her exams. After she collapses, Billy insists on contacting the doctor . The initial diagnosis is stress and anxiety, but Billy thinks Summer may be suffering from an eating disorder. There is tension between Billy and Todd as Billy wants to slow down his relationship with Todd in order to focus on Summer's well being.

Ty is modelling his new, hip wardrobe which, I must say, seems a bit tight around the...um.. hip (among other areas). He also receives a seductive Father's Day gift from Alina (no, not that). It's a vintage motorcycle, But Ty may need to change his pants before he gets a leg over (so to speak).

Moving on, Ches and Gemma disagree about the whether Baby Aled should have cochlear implants. Meanwhile, the couple is now taking sign language lessons.. 

Thanks to Abi's intervention, Nina finally stops her self destructive behaviour but not before she sees Corey Brent hobnobbing with Weatherfield County star Tommy Orpington and his agent. Nina manages to put the kibosh on the cozy meeting but an angry Corey confronts Nina later outside the caf. However Roy intercedes and calls the police who take Corey away.

Bernie is furious to learn from Mary about Dev's derisive chat about her with the lads. To teach Dev a lesson, Bernie empties a glass of red wine... on Dev's pants (maybe he can borrow a pair from Ty... pants, I mean). Dev subsequently apologizes and the couple break up, although Bernie gets a raise.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Nina to Roy about life's tragic twists and turns:
"That's the way the cosmic cookie crumbles"
(I guess some people get the short end of the shortbread)

Roy to Nina after she says she wants a quiet, dull life:
"Boring? Yes, I can do that"
(Roy is up to the task)

Harvey's thug catches Sharon holding a packed bag and ready to scarper:
"I hate to hit a woman with her hands full"
(hmm, could be Taser time...) 

Bernie tells Dev he wasn't her type:
"You weren't really the tripe to my onions"
(Dev doesn't have the guts to be the tripe)

Daisy to Steve and Dev:
"We women. We're complex creatures"
(maybe Steve and Dev should write that down)

Evelyn to Ty re: his tight jeans:
"I should mind they don't cut off your blood supply"
(...or worse)

Maria's name for Alina:
"Little Miss Eyelashes"
(that's Ms. Eyelashes, if you don't mind)

Alina tries to convince Ty to buy a vintage motorcycle:
"I can just imagine you in that sexy leather"
(but please, please, don't try bending over)

***
Well, Chippie colleagues, so ends another week. I was really hoping that Corey Brent would have a run-in with James (preferably on the football pitch), instead of that contrived scene with Tommy Orpington and his agent. I'm guessing that Corey (among his other prejudices) is a homophobe and it would have been great to see James outclass him and put him in his place - on and off the pitch. Oh well, one can dream. Thanks for the pleasure of your company and I hope you have a great week. Cheers!

Saturday, June 26, 2021

Coronation Street Catch Up: the George Clooney meets Omar Sharif edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


The Rovers is on the market. Evelyn's fake injury is outed by Bernie. Peter gets a new liver. Ty and Fiz are at odds. Dev is doing the horizontal rumba with one of his employees (hint: not Evelyn).

Let's delve deeper.

Adam's decision not to get a test to see if he can spare a smidgen of liver for Peter is creating waves of discord. Daniel is disgusted. Carla is upset and angry at Sarah for convincing Adam to change his mind. Sarah thinks it might be best if Carla leaves Underworld to devote her time to Peter's new liver (and Peter too I guess). BTW, Peter's transplant was successful and the doctor is quietly optimistic.

Speaking of discord, it's all kicking off between Fiz and Ty. Ty's getting squeezed by his new squeeze (Alina) and her expensive tastes in tacky photography, espresso machines and cups. But then there's money needed for Ruby and Hope.  On top of that, Alina's impromptu make-up workshop with Hope causes more trouble as does Hope's subsequent manipulation. Evelyn manages to convince Fiz to take the high road and not escalate grievances or get lawyers involved.

Speaking of Evelyn, her unfortunate olive oil-related accident gives her the chance to make Bernie her personal servant while feigning injury. Once Bernie learns of the deception, she decides to win the affections of Cerberus as a means of revenge (by the way, give that dog a BAFTA. He's a canine de Niro).

Speaking of Bernie, something is heating up in the corner shop - and it's not a Cornish pasty. Seems Dev is doing some "stock taking" with Bernie and, by stock taking, I mean leg over. Oh yes! Kinda gives new meaning to that show "Undercover Boss" since both he and Bernie are um, under the covers.

Well, this doesn't sit well with Aadi (who catches the après sex escape of Bernie) or Asha or Mary who confronts Bernie about her overtime activities and calls her a "foul temptress".

Over at the Rovers, more discord. Johnny informs Jenny that he's putting the pub up for sale. Jenny is upset and doesn't have the money to buy out Johnny. Jenny refuses Ronnie's help as an appropriately named "sleeping partner". However, sneaky Daisy (who seems to be turning into a female version of Reptilian Rydian) has a plan which seems to be based on her success in ripping off punters with crappy Double Glammy products. 

Nina is not coping well following the death of Seb and the assault she suffered. Summer isn't doing well either and Billy is worried. An attempt to bring Summer and Nina together falls flat and Nina decides to find solace in a bottle of vodka much to Summer's dismay.

Gemma and Chesney are taking their first lessons in sign language so they can communicate with baby Aled

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Daniel to Adam who declined a liver test:
"You're a coward"
(yes, but as cowards go, he's one of the best)

Jenny regrets the fallout from her one-night stand with Ronnie:
"the most expensive bonk in history"
(except for Julius Caesar's famous "veni, vidi, sexi" experience)

Bernie provides a report on Cerberus' bowel movements:
"We had one dump stop - soft to middling"
(please! Not while I'm eating!)

Bernie tells Evelyn what she and Dev would be doing if Evelyn wasn't in the shop:
"We'd be undressing each other over them Garibaldis"
(please! Not while I'm eating)

Dev tries to quash any romance with Bernie:
"a woman can develop certain feelings after the physical act of love"
(boredom? fatigue? peckishness?)

Bernie's response to Dev's hubris:
"You think I fancy you because we copped off?" 
(you might think that. I couldn't possibly comment)

Dev to Bernie:
"You're a smitten kitten"
(then maybe she needs a rabies shot?)

Bernie critiques Dev's love making:
"I've had more excitement listening to Roy's trainspotting tales"
(his insight into narrow gauge railroads is quite titillating)

Evelyn to Fiz:
"Men just slither out of everything"
(no comment)

Bernie is caught post-coital by Aadi and offers an explanation:
"We were just going through the rota for the kebab shop"
(so that's what the kids are calling it now)

Bernie to Dev:
"You've got some lovely splash backs"
(and his kitchen looks pretty good too)

Bernie describes Dev to Ches and Gemma:
"kind of George Clooney meets Omar Sharif"
(are we still taking about Dev?)

***
Well, patient punters, so ends another week. A bumper crop of great lines thanks to Bernie and Dev. I couldn't include all of them but I think I managed to snag a few gems. Thanks as always for stopping by. Hope you have a great week.