Coronation Street Catch Up: the "what do you call a Hippie's wife?" edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Where's Stephen Reid when you need someone (even a serial killer) to add a little zip to the current crop of pedestrian stories happening on Coronation Street?

Let's start with Gemma. First, her Mum (Bernie) is sentenced for being involved in handling stolen goods (while helping Shelly with her credit card scam). As a result, Bernie will spend the next six months behind bars. Gemma is angry and tangles with Big Garth (whom she maintains was the key guilty party behind the scheme) trying to force Garth to tell the truth to the coppers.

At the same time, Gemma is being investigated by social services after Joseph is treated in hospital for poisoning. The social services lady wants to make sure that Gemma is not harming her children and says Gemma must leave her home while the investigation is completed. Naturally, Gemma ignores the warning and is caught breaking the rule. Meanwhile Joseph is, once again, not feeling well.

Over at the caf, Shona accuses Lauren of stealing money from the till. Lauren is vindicated but quits her job in a huff. Meanwhile Max and Sabrina try to figure out who Lauren's mysterious, rich and fit boyfriend is... if he actually exists.

The tedium continues as Asha and Nina fret about their strained relationship. Asha continues to pal around with Isla who turns out to be interested in having a more intimate relationship (beyond mentoring). Meanwhile Nina gets some 'help' from Shona, concocting an imaginary suitor named Rob, designed to make Asha jealous. It doesn't work.

More ennui between Ryan and Crystal. Crystal wants Ryan to come with her to Glasgow where she has a job and he can have a job as a DJ (and, one presumes, all the deep fried Mars bars he wants). Sounds perfect but Ryan still has feelings for Daisy. When Daisy pops into the flat for a chat, Ryan's video recorder inadvertently catches the twosome recounting their furtive legover. Alas, part-time snoop (and full-time waster) Simon forwards a copy of the video clip to Daniel. Oops.

Over at Ty's, seems Hope is not that crazy about Cassie's involvement in her birthday party. Evelyn assures Cassie that it just takes time and strategy to win Hope's approval. 

Sarge continues to annoy Ed by buying a ton of birthday gifts even though he's skint

And now for a very few lines from the week that was:

Lauren insists that she just wants to be mates despite an expensive gift:
"I'm not trying to get into Max's pants"
(thanks for the clarification)

Nina corrects Isla about her profession:
"I'm not a designer, I work in a cafe"
(thanks for the clarification)

Dev reads a Christmas cracker joke: 

Q: "What do you call a hippie's wife?"

A: "Mississippi"

(hey, don't blame me, I just report the lines)

 

Nina isn't keen on the fake boyfriend which Shona has invented to make Asha jealous:

"I'm not sure I want to hang out with Rob anymore"

(me neither)

 

 ***

Well, Rovers revelers, so ends a rather sleepy week on the Street. According to CST (Corrie Standard Time), we will soon head into Coronation Street Christmas. Let's hope Santa brings us some juicy story lines. In the meantime, have a very Happy New Year and I wish you all the best in 2024. Cheers!

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Merchant of Vienna edition

 your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Ah Simon! How's your Linked-In page looking? 

So far the young lad's CV consists of buying pallets of worthless crap and working a few shifts at the knicker factory. Newsflash: that hasn't worked out so he's giving up and parking himself at the Bistro slinging back le booze. Yes, that's the spirit! 

But that's not the only bad news.

It's official. Ed has a gambling problem (again) and finally goes to a support group meeting for addicts. However, not before his overbearing Dad (the charm-challenged Sarge) shows up to give his son some stick about his bad business dealings. Dee Dee reveals the truth about Ed's gambling addiction to Sarge who is not very sympathetic. Worse still, seems Sarge himself needs some cash to prop up his food truck empire back home. How will Ed manage to lend Sarge cash and pay his poor worker when he is skint?

(Tip to Ed when agitated by his Dad: Try ordering a second Eccles cake).

Somewhat surprisingly, Dylan lands another job. This time it's Dev who is welcoming Dylan into his empire by engaging the young lad (and colleague of renowned bully Mason) to work in his Kebab outlet. Didn't Dev check Dylan's work references? Brian might not have a glowing endorsement of his former paper boy.

Meanwhile Dylan is getting more involved with the slimeball (aka Mason) and is now selling vapes (stolen from Sullen Simon) as well as kebabs. At the same time, things are going from bad to worse for poor Liam who is being terrorized by the bullying lout (Mason). George lends a sympathetic ear to Liam and offers some sage advice, but will Liam stay quiet or confide in his worried parents?

Over at Chesney and Gemma's place, young Joseph's mysterious illness continues to be a divisive issue as Ches believes Gemma is overreacting to Joseph's complaints. However the young lad takes a turn for the worse and ends up in hospital with a case of poisoning. 

Daniel is wondering what Lauren is up to (as is Shona) as she is taking time off work, wearing high heels in her spare time and buying Max an expensive watch (much to Sabrina's disgust).

Jenny and Daisy are keen to get the pub back but so far the attempt is stalled due to lack of funds.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Dee Dee reveals the truth to Sarge:

"Dad was a gambling addict"

(was?)

Lauren to Daniel re: one of Shakespeare's famous plays:

"The Merchant of Vienna"

(ah yes, along with 'Alfa Romeo & Juliet' and 'King Learjet')

Sarge is not sympathetic to Ed's gambling addiction:

"You chucked all your money away on the gee gees"

(thanks for the scientific medical diagnosis)

Brian to Shona and Lauren re: his tattoo choice:

"I'd go for my idol Neil Diamond"

(I'll never sing 'Sweet Caroline' again)

Daisy to Jenny:
"Let's get our pub back"
(good idea... but money would be handy)

Dev demonstrates how to prepare döner to Dylan:
"Let's get to the meat of the matter"

(It's pretty straightforward really)

Sarah to Carla:

"Stephen was my uncle but he killed people"

(so, a positive and a negative?)

Maria to Jake:

"You can't say testicles at the dinner table"

(and don't even get me started about 'penis')

Bernie to Gemma:

"You've had a face like a yard of gravy"

(.9144 metres of gravy in Canada)

Simon to Leanne:

"I'm 20 not 12"

(you might want to act like it)

 

***

Well, festive friends, so ends another week and almost another year. Let's hope the bullying story takes a turn for the better and poor Liam finds a way to deal with Mason. Thanks for spending time here at the Hip. Have a great week, a happy holiday and a Merry Christmas!

 

Coronation Street Catch Up: the auberge-parma-thingy edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

RIP Vin Diesel (the Weasel), we hardly knew ye.

Yes, the adorable stuffed carnivore who adorned the trendy Trim Up North has left the cast (soon to appear on Strictly Come Dancing perhaps?)

Seems Vin needed a new home after Trim Up North closed so David (himself often considered a member of the weasel family) brought him to Audrey's Salon. Alas, newly-minted co-managers of the Salon, David and Maria, couldn't agree on the aesthetics of some deranged taxidermist's chef d'oeuvre.

So, bottom line, Maria chucks the weasel into a dumpster (skip). End of. Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone etc. etc.

Yes, things are off to a rocky start at the 'under-new-management Salon' but, closer to home, Maria has bigger problems to deal with as her son, Liam, is embroiled in the school bullying situation. 

As you recall, that moronic waste-of-space named Mason (with his band of brainless stooges) is bullying Dylan, and most recently took his running shoes (trainers). 

A complaint from Dylan's Dad (Sean) to the school head results in a search which reveals the trainers in Liam's locker. The shoes were planted there by thug-in-training Mason but a fearful Liam takes the heat. Gary, as is his wont, wades in and tries to warn off Mason but that only makes things worse for Liam and he is threatened by Mason who is armed with a knife.

As it stands, things look pretty dire for both Liam and Dylan.

Elsewhere, the burning question is: whither the Rovers?

Will the storied house of hotpots be turned into modestly priced flats? Or will Glenda and her friends rally to save the drinking establishment?

So far the prospects don't look good. One potential buyer meets with Ed and Ronnie to discuss redevelopment plans but Ronnie (perhaps because of a pang of conscience) sabotages the deal. 

Amy is playing with fire as she turns the tables on a would-be rapist at a sketchy nightclub. Amy spots the scumbag spiking her drink and cleverly swaps her (drugged) drink for his. As the drink-spiker staggers around, Amy phones Aadi who helps her transport the drugged perv to hospital (better than Amy's original plan to dump him in the middle of nowhere). 

However, DC Swain is on the case (sort of) and follows up on the scumbag's complaint that he was drugged by Amy. Things took bad for Amy until Dee Dee shows up as her lawyer. When police discover other complaints against the would-be rapist, Amy is released.

The harrowing experience brings Aadi and Amy together but Amy remains traumatized by her recent experience with Aaron and recoils from Aadi's kiss. Aadi interprets that as Amy wanting to remain just mates. Not necessarily what Amy had in mind.

In other developments, Ronnie and Ed's Dad is coming to visit. Ronnie doesn't mind. Ed isn't super keen. Also, Ed seems to be gambling again although he is managing to hide his relapse... so far.

Carla succeeds in tempting Beth and Sean back to Underworld but she has to offer them cash incentives to get them back to work. Nina is jealous of Asha's relationship with her mentor, Isla. Simon seems to be hanging around buying a pallet of junk which he thinks he can resell. Good luck with that.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Steve wonders if he can shed his jumpsuit for some nookie but Tracy disabuses him:
"That onesie is staying on"
(phew!)

Texting-challenged Gayle: What does IDK mean anyway?

Gary: I Don't Know.

Gail: Well who does then?

Gail assures Audrey that she's not like Stephen:

"Well I'm quite normal. Boring even"

(Really?)

David asks for Steve's opinion about Vin Diesel:

"What's your take on stuffed animals?"

(no comment)

Audrey to David and Maria:

"Like it or not Van Diesel is gone"

(Vin to his friends)

 

Peter says he's not keen on Carla's vegetarian cooking:

"Not auberge parma thingy"

(but it's one of Jamie Oliver's favourites)

Gary tells Maria about his encounter with Mason:

"I just told him to stay away in a slightly scary voice"

(FYI, it didn't work)

 

***

Well fellow Kabin Cronies, so ends another week. I do hope someone can end the tyranny of that obnoxious ogre Mason and allow Liam and Dylan to attend school in peace.  And could there be some hope for the Rovers before it becomes a block of flats? Guess we'll find out. Thanks so much for stopping by and have a great week. Cheers!

 

Coronation Street Catch Up: the leech who keeps on leeching edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Why doesn't somebody do something about Mason?

The haircut-challenged lout seems to spend all his time bullying Dylan, extorting money, skipping school and now harassing Amy and her friends en route to a protest. 

Maybe Gary could have a quiet word with Mason (or demonstrate some of his army combat holds)?

Amy is clearly still suffering after being raped by Aaron. Although she is gamely trying to keep up with her schoolwork, she continues to deal with the aftermath of her ordeal. After a confrontation with Mason and his goons, the police intervene and Amy (frustrated by police inaction) spray paints a police car and is arrested.

Speaking of custody, Bernie is somewhat surprised when charges are laid against her for handling stolen goods. This after Bernie was helping the late Shelly raise money by selling merchandise which was illegally bought with a company credit card. Bernie is advised to plead guilty and is sentenced to prison time.

This couldn't have happened at a worse time as Bernie's son, Paul, is struggling with MND, declining rapidly and is given just 6-12 months to live. 

Meanwhile Paul's twin, Gemma, is sure that there is something wrong with young Joseph. Chesney thinks she's overreacting and insists that Joseph is fine. A visit to the ER seems to confirm Chesney's opinion and Joseph returns to school.

Asha is upset with Nina because she didn't tell her that Courtney broke up with Aadi. A subsequent dinner with Aadi, Asha, Nina and Nina's mentor, Isla, is designed to calm the waters. But it doesn't help much as Isla and Asha seem to be very simpatico and oblivious to the others.

Over at the Salon, Audrey is determined to return to work to earn money after being defrauded by Stephen. She tries to insert herself into the hair cutting crew but she's really not up to it. On top of that, Audrey announces to Maria and David that she's selling the groovy 'Trim Up North' barber shop and laying off one employee. 

Consider renaming the place 'Trim Some Jobs'. 

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Carla to Peter re: his plan to leave Weatherfield and get a sailing job in Majorca:

"Excuse me Captain Pugwash"

(that's Admiral Pugwash to you)

 

Bernie to Paul and Gemma: 

"DS Blondie took me in for questioning"

(as opposed to DS Ginger, aka Craig)

Max suggests a more ceremonial role for Audrey at the salon: 

"You can be the face of the salon"

(but not 'Trim Up North' which is closing)

Judge to Bernie:

"There is no such thing as a victimless crime"

(just ask Stephen Reid's victims)

Audrey announces layoffs to David and Sarah: 

"I'm going to have to let one of you go"

(the suspense is killing me)

David to Maria and Gary: 

"To Uncle Stephen, the leech who keeps on leeching"

(a touching eulogy)

Evelyn to the police officer re: Mason:

"This poor halfwit can't even lie straight in his bed"

(good one)

 

***

Well, fellow Prima Doner Denizens, so ends another week. The bad news keeps on coming as Paul's MND is getting worse rapidly and now his Mom faces jail time just when he needs her most. Amy's not doing too well either and Gemma is sure that there's something wrong with Joseph. Are there any bright spots on the horizon? Let's keep watching and hope so. 

 

Thanks for the pleasure of your company here at the Hip. Have a great week! 

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Tupperware of filth edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Is anyone actually renovating the Rovers?

The work seems to be going slower than Toronto's Eglinton Crosstown LRT. 

On the other hand, the mothballed pub is the perfect venue for serial killers - and young hooligans like Mason who hosts a sad little skive party which Dylan and a few others attend. The louts-in-training are caught red-handed by George and Sean.

Dylan is being bullied by Mason so it looks like this will be yet another bullying story line. It sucks for Dylan though as he has lost his newspaper delivery job thanks to Mason's harassment.

Elsewhere the Ryan-Daniel-Daisy triangle takes centre stage as Daniel, armed with damning evidence, confronts Ryan. Ryan openly admits that he told Daisy that he loves her - but insists that Daisy wasn't interested.  Daisy corroborates the story and produces evidence to prove that she wasn't at the same hotel as Ryan on the night in question. Of course, it's a cover-up as she was indeed at the same hotel as Ryan, in the same room, but then left before any serious canoodling could take place.

Meanwhile, who should turn up at the Bistro (and later in Ryan's room) but Crystal. Seems that Crystal now likes Ryan and so nature takes its course at the very overcrowded Hotel Carla. Speaking of Carla, the nasal nymph is back from Spain without a deal to save Underworld. She and Peter are not getting along as she suspects Peter may be back on the booze and she is too preoccupied with her financial problems to worry about Peter's mental state.

Carla's financial problems are getting worse as the disgruntled factory workers are not willing to continue to work without pay. Carla insists that she has recovered some of the money which Stephen stole but it's a lie and the workers find out, and then walk out. If they don't get back to work and finish an order for a client, then Underworld will close.

Tim is now keen on fishing and keeping his bait in Sally's fridge. Sally is not amused. Rev Billy and Paul continue to deal with Paul's MND while Bernie, in an attempt to help out financially, tries to unload the merchandise that Shelley had ordered illegally before she passed away. Unfortunately the police catch Bernie's um.. transaction on camera and arrest her.

Stu continues with his plan to investigate Dom with a view to finding dirt on him. The private detective (whom Stu hired) discovers that Dom was in jail in Germany. Stu tells the detective to continue searching.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Deb intervenes in the heated argument between Ryan and Daniel:
"I can't sit here any longer and watch you two and your willy swinging contest"
(now also an Olympic sport)

Sally to Tim:

"You can't go sticking your tackle in my fridge"

(unless it's part of an erotic role play thing)

Sally is not happy that Tim is using her kitchen equipment for his live bait:

"We have a situation with your Tupperware of filth"

(and it's not a good situation)

 

Ryan confesses to Daniel:

"I told Daisy I love her"

(you know, just like you did)

 

Aadi is upset that he was just a temporary romance for Courtney:

"That's all I was: a jump start?"

(Kev, the auto mechanic, would say that's a good thing)

 

Peter to Carla:

"I can do without your dry wit and scorn"

(But those are her best things)

 

Carla to her factory workers:

"This business is going under and your jobs will be gone for good"

(cake run, anyone?)

 

***

Well, chippie chappies, so ends another week. Thanks so much for stopping by. Have a great week!