The Peter Barlow Interrogation... Underworld style

please note this post makes reference to the July 28 episode on CBC

I can't help wondering what the Peter Barlow interrogation would be like if the detectives used the same work ethic and schedule as the intrepid staff at Underworld. I think it might go something like this...

Interview with Peter Barlow starting at 19:24. Detective Constable Vanner and Detective Sergeant Hawthorne are the interview officers.

Detectives: How do you explain the charm being in the outhouse?
Peter: I can't because I didn't put it there.

Interview paused at 20:29 for bathroom break and gossip. Interview with Peter Barlow resumed at 20:45

Detectives: But you agree the bracelet must have been in the outhouse at some point?
Peter: Yeah, it looks that way

Interview paused at 20:48 for tea break. Tea break extended while Detectives look for chocolate digestive biscuits. Interview with Peter Barlow resumed at 21:17

Detectives: You were seen entering the ginnel?  Is that correct?
Peter: Yeah, I needed a smoke to calm me nerves down.

Interview paused at 20:48 for cake run. Suspect requests bacon barm. Detectives indicate preference for lemon slice. Interview with Peter Barlow resumes at 21:32

Detectives:  We need you to accompany us downstairs to the charge desk
Peter: You can't do this. You can't do this.

Coronation Street TGIF: the "Run Laddie, Run" edition

please note this post makes reference to the July 25 episode on CBC

I confess that I was off skiving for most of last week (that's hardly news - ed) so my normal Coronation Street watching routine was disrupted.

From what I've been able to surmise, Maddy's back (ho hum - ed), Gail is gettin' chummy with a felon (what else is new? - ed), Todd's evil (no surprise - ed), Marcus is leaving, Denis is smarming his way back into Rita's good books and, hmm, what am I missing? Oh yes, that pesky murder investigation. Looks like Detectives Hawthorne & Vanner (which is which? - ed) are back on the scene and closing in on a prime suspect (Eccles? - ed). Now for some lines from the week that was:

Deirdre fears the worst when the police show up:
"You're not going to take Eccles into custody?"

(Looks like Eccles' next walk could be a perp walk)

After one night at the Bella Vista B&B, Deirdre tells Peter how she's feeling:

"Just been chucked out of me house and discovered I'm part of a murder investigation"

(not only that but Trip Advisor only gives the Bella Vista a one-star rating) 

Deirdre to Peter"

"Did you kill Tina?"

(Can I get back to you on that?)


Eileen warns Michael:
"Any man who spends time with Gail, well they usually end up dead. Run laddie, run" 

(also, she does tend to be a bit clingy at times)

Gail confesses somewhat to Michael:

"It's fair to say I've had a complicated history with men"

(It's fair to say that the Pope is Catholic)

Gail again:
"I don't know whether I've just been unlucky or if I'm cursed"

(Hey, anyone could meet and marry a series of psycho nutbars)


Deirdre recounts her night at the B&B:
"The bed could have made itself; it felt like it was alive"

(A self-making bed? Do you pay extra for that?)

Tony to Todd:
"You didn't just kiss the Blarney Stone, you swallowed it whole"

(that would explain all the sick days he took at Street Cars)


Norris refutes Rita's claim that Denis is being supportive:

"A noose is supportive"

(...and leaves you hanging. Like Denis)

Deirdre to Tracy:

"I was always hoping you'd be musical"

(She can't hum a few bars but she has been behind bars)

***

Well, Coronation Street Nation, so ends another week. I suppose Hawthorne and Vanner will continue gathering evidence and the murder investigation will continue while Rob goes to the movies. Thanks for stopping by and all the best. Cheers!

 

Coronation Street TGIF: the George Clooney and Chocolate Eclair edition

please note this post makes reference to the July 17 episode on CBC

On the plus side, Nick seems to have recovered nicely from his brain injury. On the minus side, he seems to be acting like a real 'Nick' (replace 'N' with consonant(s) of your choice - ed). Looking forward to the customer service experience at the newly re-branded Just Nick's (buy one drink and get one free - on your head). Then there's Kal's mom. Nice lady. Elsewhere, Lloyd is being naive. Peter's being drunk. Gail is being Gail. Last week's lines, anyone?


Carla tells Peter what she sees when she looks at him:

"All I see is death and pain and loss"

(I guess she overlooked the hip flask)

Neil tries to get romantic with Andrea:
"Let's rekindle the magic"

(okay, I'll get Lloyd over to help)

Yasmeen quizzes Leanne about books:
"I'm a librarian, shoot me"

(don't give her any ideas)

The Nazir family is amused by the common question they get about Ramadan:
"Not even water!"

(funny, that's what they say at the Rovers when someone wants a non-alcoholic drink)

Kylie briefs a customer about Marcus:

"And he's gone gay again"

(must be the weather)

Maria fears that one of Audrey's customers may have expired:
"Not another one"

(yikes! looks like Audrey's is hazardous to your health)

Yasmeen tries to put Leanne's history behind her:
"The past is a foreign country"

(Yes, it's called Prostitutia)

Yasmeen gets the lowdown on Leanne's past:

"An ex-prostitute, drug user, arsonist?  Is that your CV?"

(just wait till you see her LinkedIn page)

Carla commiserates with Maria:

"Men should come with a health warning"

(Men can be hazardous to your health. Avoid marrying)


Gail's job is realigned to meet the changing organizational challenges of the gym:
"Why do I always have to be the cleaner?"

(it's a dirty job but someone's got to do it)

Eileen recounts her dream to Steve:
"It involves George Clooney and a chocolate eclair"

(a dreamy flirt and a creamy dessert)


Steff to Michelle and Maria:
"Why are all men such drunk, ignorant pigs?"

(is that a rhetorical question?)

***

Well, Corrie co-conspirators, so ends another week on Street. Hey! Whatever happened to the murder investigation? Has everyone taken a mini-break?  I guess we'll find out next week. Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend. I'll meet you back here next week. Cheers!

Coronation Street TGIF: the mushroom vol-au-vent edition

please note this post makes reference to the July 11 episode on CBC

If the highlight of the week is Gail offering to make mushroom vol-au-vents for Sally, then you know it's been a slow week on the street. Maria's back. Michael lost his job at the Garden Centre (aka The Gnome Depot - ed). Max is acting out in school (surprise, surprise - ed). Gary and Izzy are going through a 'rough patch' (estimated duration: forever - ed). Steve is melancholy. Leanne and Nick are not being nice to each other. Hmm. Oh well, let's soldier on with a few lines from the week that was:


Beth reminisces about her youth:
"I had a crochet bikini"

(Oh Lord! How will I ever get that image out of my head?)


Carla apologizes to the Underworld staff for her behaviour:
"I let my gob run away with me"

(that's right, blame it on your gob)


An aging Steve ponders the fact that he won't buy a motorcycle:
"Doubt I'd be able to get me leg over"

(We're still talking about the motorbike, right?)

Michelle tries to console Steve:
"40's just a number"

(still, a fairly substantial number) 

Steve is upset because he seems to resemble a Simpsons' character:
"Homer's my flippin' role model"

(Doh!)

Steve resolves to look on the bright side of 40:
"I'm going to search for the hero inside myself"

(if we don't hear back from you, we'll send a search party)

Todd tells Steve his excuse for skipping work
"I'm feeling rough as a badger's backside"

(so you're familiar the backside of a badger?)

Audrey is underwhelmed by Maria's gift from Cyprus:

"That will look lovely under my whatnot on the sideboard"

(translation: it'll get chucked into the ginnel on her way home)

***

Well, fellow Weatherfield watchers, so ends another week on the Street.  Hopefully things will pick up next week. Have a great weekend and thanks for stopping by. Cheers!

Coronation Street TGIF: The FIFA World Cup edition

please note this post makes reference to the July 5 episode on CBC

And by FIFA, of course, I mean 'Fiz Is Feeling Anxious' and I'm not alluding in any way,shape or form to the stringently copyrighted international football governing body known for its litigious nature. Further communications should be directed to our lawyers: Slingya, Hook & Bard.

Still, footie comes to mind when it comes to the ongoing saga of Peter Barlow. Instead of shouting: "GOOOOOOOOAL!", one could shout, "GAAAAAAAOL!"  Because ol' Pete could be heading to Weatherfield Penitentiary (slogan: Stay for two years and the third year is free!). But I digress (what else is new? - ed). How about a few lines from the week that was:


Roy cites The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám, Edward Fitzgerald's translation of poems:
"One thing is certain the rest is lies, The flower that once had love forever dies"

(another thing is certain so just be wary, when playing chess with that crazy Mary)


Carla manages to sabotage a contract by insulting a customer and tells Rob and Michelle why:

"We're not working with lechy blokes anymore"

(well, there goes the business)


Tracy forbids Rob from leaving her to check on Carla:
"It's Tracy time"

(not to be confused with 'Tracy's doing time')


David finds out that Gail has written to the burglar:
"Rock on Gail"

(looks like Gail has a new felon in her life)

Deirdre challenges Peter not to run away from his problems:
"For once in your life don't be a coward"

(yeah, be a bigger (not bigamist) man)

Carla lashes out at Peter:
"I wish it was you that was dead"

(to Peter that sounds like she might want to get back together)

Dennis challenges Norris to step outside the Rovers for a punch-up but Norris refuses:
"This is not a wild west saloon"

(although seeing Norris and Dennis fight would be quite a 'Bonanza')


Deirdre tells Rob and Peter to stop fighting:
"You're upsetting Eccles"

(she's hardly touched her ocean pie)


Liz to Tony when he offers to help making snacks for Rovers' customers:
"Bet you've never buttered a barm in your life"

(I pray that's not a euphemism)


Rita's touching eulogy for Tina:
"She brought joy to my life... Tina, rest in peace, darling"

(Amen)

***

Well, discerning devotees of Corrie, so ends another week and the coppers (who seems to have a fair amount of spare time to attend funerals, weddings, Bar Mitzvahs etc.) are zeroing in on Peter Barlow as a suspect. But we all know Peter doesn't have the bottle (well, actually he usually does have a bottle but not in that sense).  Anyway, thanks so much for stopping by and thanks also for your comments. Have a great week and see you here at the Hip next week. Cheers!

8 Simple Rules for Coronation Street funerals

please note this post makes reference to the July 3 episode on CBC

According to the OECD (not really, the real source is here - ed) , there have been 160 deaths on Coronation Street. Most deaths are followed by a funeral and most funerals follow a strict set of rules and traditions established over the years. Here are the 8 Simple Rules for Coronation Street funerals:

1. Archie Shuttleworth must be Coronation Street's preferred FSP (funeral service provider).

2. Everyone must gather in front of Rovers to wait for the hearse or coffin carrying vehicle

3. Norris must attend every funeral for gossip purposes and have a primo seat in the church - unless there is more important breaking gossip elsewhere, or he can't find a replacement to mind the shop.

4. Someone, preferably evil, must come into the church late.

5. The congregation must turn their heads in unison when the latecomer enters the church

6. It must all kick off after the minister's introductory remarks, but before the service concludes. (preferably during or after the eulogy).

7. The minister must unsuccessfully try to restore order and calm

8. All post-funeral receptions must take place at the Rovers. Catering must comprise booze and sarnies - no exception.

Celebrating 40 years of Gail on Coronation Street?

please note no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

First there was 'Sayonara Stroppiness: A Farewell to Tina' on CBC last Friday. Now, on Monday June 30, there's another special: 'Gail & Me: 40 Years on Coronation Street'. This one airs at 7:00 p.m. (Eastern) on CBC, right after your regular episode of Corrie (please check local listings for the correct broadcast time in your area).

I'm looking forward to a review of Gail's illustrious life on the Street but, grosso modo (eh? - ed), I think I can 'break it down' as they are so fond of saying on the CBC World Cup coverage. Let's see...

THE FIRST DECADE: The 'psycho men I married' years
THE SECOND DECADE: The 'David tried to kill me' years
THE THIRD DECADE: The 'darling Nicky needs me' years
THE FOURTH DECADE: More nutter husbands, more David craziness, more darling Nicky and, oh yes, I tried to have it off with Mom's male escort boyfriend... years.

Enjoy!