Coronation Street Catch Up: the Be a Battersby edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

A few questions.

How can Toyah afford to stay in a hotel? What exactly did Shona do when she spent the night away from the Platt house? Does David ever comb his hair (the man, not the dog)?

 

Let's start with the Platts. 

 

Shona shows up in front of the prison and makes a scene because they won't let her see her son. 

 

Max intervenes and is forced to tell Shona the truth. Shona learns that it was David who deleted or destroyed all her visit requests from her imprisoned son (Clayton). It was David who went to the prison and told Clayton that Shona didn't want to see him.  Clayton subsequently tried to kill himself and Shona is racked with guilt - and anger at David. 

 

Shona is arrested by Kit (for roughing up the prison warden) but the charges are subsequently dropped. She leaves the Platt house and spends the night somewhere doing something "terrible" which she regrets. But we don't know what... yet. Apparently Adam is aware of her um.. predicament.

 

Elsewhere Leanne continues her elaborate and long revenge plan. She knows about Nick and Toyah's continuing affair but successfully inserts herself into the relationship by pretending to need Nick's support (especially during the trial of Rowan) and insisting that she and Nick can still be a couple. All the while Toyah is jealous and piqued. 

The solution?

The two lovebirds plan a vacation to Tenerife and both plan to take time off from the Bistro at the same time. Suspicious? Leanne pretends everything is fine but she has stolen Toyah's passport and has a few dirty tricks up her sleeve.

Everyone is shaken by news of the death of Les Battersby, father or pseudo-father to Leanne, Toyah, Fiz and Chesney. Ches seems particularly upset at the news, more so since he is still being terrorized by a mystery person (who recently slashed his tires). 

 

Even more unsettling is the news that Les' workplace accident (which resulted in his death) prompted his employer to offer the family 50 thousand pounds in return for signing a NDA (non-disclosure agreement).

On the plus side, Ches inherits Les' snakeskin jacket. Kirk is jealous.

In other news, Bethany begins attending a support group but lets people think she is a cancer survivor. Meanwhile, Sarah learns that another woman has suffered injuries at the same Turkish clinic as Bethany. After consulting with Adam, Sarah and Bethany learn that a lawsuit may be possible since one of the clinic's directors happens to reside in the UK. That director happens to be Debbie.

Kit and Daisy have a date but Daisy is later quite cool towards the tall detective because of his flippant attitude toward Lauren's jail sentence.

Still on the dating front, Adam convinces Alya to go out with him although Alya remains a bit suspicious of the Scot's reputation as a "player".

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

 

Tracy tells Leanne to take a more proactive approach to the Nick/Toyah situation:

"Be a Battersby"

(them's fighting words)

Tracy continues to incite Leanne:

"He's having sex with your sister"

(Well, when you put it like that...)

 

Daisy to Kit as she breaks out the Xmas decorations:

"The only thing worse than a badly dressed tree is a badly dressed man"

(Just ask any man on Coronation Street)

Leanne pretends to admire Nick's bod:

"Your beautiful straight back"

(um, thanks for the compliment, I guess?)

Toyah to Nick re: his "judgment call" is dealing with Leanne:

"You sound like a politician"

(Ouch, that's below the belt)

 

Glenda to Daisy after Kit invites Daisy on a police 'ride along' date:

"Maybe he'll let you use his Taser?"

(fingers crossed)

Les' last letter to his family:

"Looks like I've popped me clogs"

(the wisdom of the deceased)

Sarah reminds David of past misdeeds:

"We put a body under that floor"

(oh yeah, that, Funny story...)

Nick's requests champagne on arrival at Tenerife

"El champon"

(No comprendo)

***

Well, fellow cobbleros, so ends another week and we continue to await Leanne's grand revenge. And what exactly did Shona do and why is it terrible? I guess time will tell. Thanks so much for visiting. Always a pleasure to have your company. Have a great week, a happy holiday and a very Merry Christmas! Cheers!

Coronation Street Catch Up: the longest muscle in the leg edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Heavens to Betsy!

D.S. Swain's daughter is out of control. She skips school, lies, steals, hangs around with thugs, is indirectly responsible for Carla's head injury... and yet still seems to have a job at the factory (so far).

Yes, it seems that Betsy thinks she can help Mason by giving his numbskull brothers a set of keys to Underworld so they can steal valuable stuff (gold-plated knickers?) from the factory while everyone is out at a team building event (aka bowling, aka skiving). In return, the two fatheads promise that they will leave Mason alone. 

Of course, it doesn't go according to plan. 

 

Carla returns to the factory while dumb and dumber are still in Underworld. Carla gets conked on the head and winds up in the Coronation Street Wing of Weatherfield General Hospital with a brain bleed. It looks serious but before you can say NHS, she is back on her feet with a bandage on her head.

Lisa is very worried but won't admit her true feelings to Carla.

 

Over at the cop shop, one of the bonehead brothers is taken in for questioning. The brother (Matty) has an alibi (fake, 'natch) so he is released but not before he says something that makes Lisa believe that he had something to do with the death of her partner (Becky).

 

Oh, and one other thing. It seems that lawyer-in-training Alya is back and working with the lawyer representing Matty. She doesn't seem comfortable working for a lawyer who's defending a scumbag and says as much to Adam.

 

Elsewhere, Gemma is off on a vacation while Chesney is at home looking after the kids, working at the kebab shop, and getting more and more frazzled by the minute. On top of that he seems to be involved in a continuing road rage battle with someone in a van. It all looks grim.

 

Over at the prison, Lauren finally gets to spend some time with Frankie while she frets about who will take care of her son if she gets sent down for killing Joel with a rock. Max convinces Shona and David to volunteer for the job of taking care of Frankie but David is not thrilled.

 

David is even less thrilled about Shona's decision to see Clayton (her son) who is in hospital after trying to take his own life. As you recall, Clayton killed Kylie.

 

Meanwhile, Nick is determined to tell Leanne that he and Toyah are planning to be together. Sam is not thrilled and is now in the unenviable position of having to lie for his libido-supercharged Dad. Toyah is reluctant to go public as Leanne is struggling, first with the upcoming trial of Rowan and then the sudden death of her father.

 

Nick's solution?

Two tickets to Tenerife. What better way to break the news gently? Why not just hire a plane with a banner? 

 

When Leanne discovers the booking on Nick's computer, poor Sam has to pretend that he's going to Tenerife with his Dad.

 

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Carla finds the keys that Betsy stole and confronts her:

"If you took the prints off these keys..."

(you mean the keys that now have your prints on them since you've been holding them)

Leanne questions Steve's judgment:

"You married Tracy Barlow... twice"

(well, if at first you don't succeed...)

Ryan comments on Carla's complicated love life:

"This is what happens when you change teams"

(wait, are we talking about football?)

David keeps tabs on Nick love life:

"Still with... whichever sister you're with?"

(Toyah... for the moment)

Betsy to Mason's brothers:

"That woman you attacked is my boss"

(she may not be your boss for much longer)

Sam to Toyah re: her and Leanne:

"Did you ever share a boyfriend?"

(Hmm, Peter Barlow comes to mind)

Kirk shouts encouraging words as Carla is taken to hospital in an ambulance:

"Tell her the team building went really well!"

(yes, that will help as the doctors treat Carla's brain bleed)

 

Roy to Ryan as he tries to pass the time waiting for Carla to wake up:

"Do you know the name of the longest muscle in the leg?"

(the leg muscle?)

Leanne to Nick after she discovers his vacation booking:

"Who are you taking to Tenerife?"

(well, it's not David) 

***

Well, patient punters, so ends another week. That Betsy is a troublesome customer and now she's racked with guilt over Carla's injuries which are a direct result of her handiwork. Just wait till she finds out that one or more of Mason's brother were involved in the death of her mother (Becky).

Thanks so much for spending your time at the Hip. Have a great week!

Coronation Street Catch Up: the local snow bunny edition

your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

 

 

Well, it had to happen eventually, didn't it?

 

D.S. Swain gets pie-eyed in the Rovers and ends up at Carla's flat where (after a drunken nap) she and Carla do the horizontal mambo. In many ways, they're the perfect match. Lisa is gay and Carla is sick of men (i.e. Peter the not-so-Great).

 

They would probably have kept canoodling except that Lisa gets an SOS message from Betsy (why do they need a secret code?). Seems that Mason's two thug brothers have cornered her and she's in trouble.

 

Speaking of Mason, it seems that he has once again incurred the wrath of his two nasty siblings for claiming that he shopped them to the coppers for stealing Tim's car (it was actually Tim who informed the cops) but Mason stepped in to save Tim from being the target of his brothers' revenge. 

 

But the main event last week was the ongoing saga of who gets charged with the murder of Joel.

 

While Max has a plan to take the blame and somehow evade prison time by claiming it was self defence, Shona and then David finally learn the truth and now know that it was actually Lauren who killed Joel with a rock. 

 

Now it's Lauren's turn to be grilled by Detective Kit and she is subsequently charged with murder. Max will not be happy when he learns that it was David who tipped off the cops.

 

Dee Dee is pregnant even though she only slept with Joel one time (spoiler: it only takes one time). Sarah is there for support (after all she had a hoodlum's baby) and, BTW, there's always Fiz (she had a killer's baby). But Dee Dee doesn't want anyone to know.. at least for now.

 

Ken is taken to hospital after a dangerous overdose of Warfarin (blood thinner). At first the blame is directed at Cassie (who was in fact purposely giving Ken a secret overdose) but then Tracy is blamed and shunned from the Kingdom of Barlow.

 

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Nick relates his expert knowledge to David:

"Women are like sniffer dogs, they always get to the truth"

(thanks for the flattering comparison)

 

Dee Dee to Sarah:

"I'm having a pervert's baby"

(Isn't that a Paul Anka song?)

 

Steve confesses his brief relationship with Cassie:

"I had a slight dalliance before I realized the error of my ways"

(aka, a no-strings attached legover)

Tracy to Steve re: Cassie:

"You got off with the local snow bunny"

(that's another way of putting it)

Swain to Carla:

"I'm an excellent drinker. I've had a lot of experience"

(it's on her CV)

Ryan to Carla re: her night with Lisa:

"Looks like Team Connor has its mojo back"

(someone should send a postcard to Peter)

***

 Well, fellow Street Savants, so ends another week. Thanks for spending time here at the Hip and have a great week.

Coronation Street Catch Up: the totally mad Max edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

 

 

The murder of Joel is beginning to look a lot like the board game Clue (Cluedo in the UK). 

Instead of Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick, we have Lauren on the railway bridge with a rock. And that, through the magic of flashbacks, seems to be the definitive answer to the thorny question: who killed Joel?

Yes, Joel had a brief encounter with Dee Dee (who whacked him him a crowbar). Yes, he had  another encounter with crooked Detective Kit. And yes, the tepid twosome (Ed and Ronnie) wanted to find Joel - but didn't. D.S. Swain was also in the "frame" (as they say) as, on the night in question, she was chasing down a thief and getting hit by a getaway car. 

 

Anyway, Kit thinks that Swain is the guilty party and arrests her.

Turns out that it was Lauren who did the deed as she came to help Max who had tracked down Joel and was engaged in a standoff with him. As Joel tried to push Max over the edge of a railway bridge, Lauren arrived on the scene (avec rock) and conked the villain on the head. 

 

(BTW, kudos to Carla for putting together some clues and figuring out that Max and Lauren were hiding something).

Now, as the spotlight falls on the young couple, they plan to make a run for it, but it does look like the dragnet is closing in on them.

Elsewhere, David decides to visit Clayton (Shona's son who killed Kylie) in jail. Clayton is racked with guilt but David is unmoved and keeps his visit, as well as correspondence from the jail, a secret from Shona. However Shona is shocked when she gets a call telling her that Clayton tried to kill himself and she rushes to the hospital.

Tim tries to help Mason but Mason's two no-good brothers coerce him into helping them steal Tim's car. Sally is not amused. Sally's Mom's ring happens to be the stolen car. Sally is not amused again. However Mason manages to retrieve the ring but tells Tim that he has to leave town or he's a dead man walking.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Lauren to Max:

"a normal happy life, that's all I want"

(could be tricky since you killed Joel)

Lauren is skeptical about Max's escape plan:

"This is totally mad Max"

(Mad Max is probably a suitable movie for their predicament) 

Max tries to protect Lauren by confessing to Kit:

"I killed Joel Deering"

(join the club)

Lilly is skeptical of David's hairdressing cred:

"What's the average age of your clients?"

(hint: three digits)

Sally to Tim:

"Some men like the silent treatment"

(some men like the polar bear challenge)

David criticizes Nick's love life:

"You do realize you're putting yourself right in the middle of a Battersby sandwich"

(yikes!)

***

Well, Joel justice-seekers, so ends another week and we finally know exactly what happened on the night Joel was killed.  Now the suspects have to be apprehended before they leave the country. Hopefully Kit will get demoted after his botched murder investigation and his corrupt actions. Thanks so much for stopping by and have a great week!

Coronation Street Catch Up: the first gay man on Mars edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

 

 

Finally! 

 

We're now starting to get a clearer picture of the circumstances surrounding Joel's murder.  

 

Dee Dee tells her father that she killed Joel (i.e. conked him on the head with a crowbar), but (as Ed points out), that doesn't add up. Joel was evidently alive after the conking and it was someone else who finished the job by killing Joel and tossing his corpse into the river.

Kit seems awfully anxious to pin the murder on D.S. Swain based on a threatening text that she composed (but never sent) on her phone. But the fact is that Kit was on the scene after Joel was hit on the head with a crowbar and it was Kit's red car that was captured on nearby CCTV - although the crooked copper is doing everything he can to hide the damning evidence.

Elsewhere it's the continuing sad saga of Billy that takes centre stage. 

 

First he unknowingly lets a thief into the flat who then steals Billy's box of valuables (including the box containing Paul's ashes) as well as Summer's laptop computer. Then Billy gets drunk and ruins the 'ashes-into-space' event organized by Bernie to witness - via video link -Paul's (ashes) final journey into space.

A drunk Billy, switches off the telly in the Rovers as the gathered crowd watches the event. Then Billy announces that he tried to snog Todd soon after Paul's funeral. Then Billy buys more booze and ends up super pie-eyed and almost passed out in the cold. Even a visit from the genial ghost of Paul can't save him but luckily Bernie arrives to help.

 

Here's a question: how many times is Bethany going to tell Daniel to get out after he says or does the wrong thing? 

The latest episode happens after Bethany goes to the Rovers with Daniel for a drink but unfortunately her stoma leaks. It's starting to become clear that - stoma or no stoma - this is a couple that may not last. 

 

The mysterious person or animal hanging around Sally's house turns out to be Mason. When Tim discovers that it's Mason, he helps him out with a full English and then tries to find him some decent lodging. Sally doesn't yet know about this.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Sally on the phone to Tim:

"I'm sat at the bar drinking on me own like a common tart"

(ahem, yes a bit of a "hello sailor" situation)

Ghost of Paul to Billy:

"I'm dead but you're the one feeling sorry for yourself"

(stop drinking the spirits... and listen to the spirit)

Daisy after discovering Kit's lies:

"Why don't people trust you?"

(because he's untrustworthy)

 

 Sal pitches an idea for an Underworld charitable venture to Carla:

"Our unwanted knickers"

(doesn't that apply to most of them?)

Sally urges Tim not to be afraid to investigate the rodent intruder:

"It's a mouse not a moose"

(moose are bigger)

 

Bernie to Gemma and Kit re: sending Paul's ashes into space:

"He always said he wanted to be the first gay man on Mars"

(does Elon Musk know?)

Sally to Tim again re: the mystery intruder:

"You don't think he's been washing his bits in our hot tub?"

(there's only one way to find out...grab your swimsuit and a glass of Chardonnay)

***

Well, fellow cobbleros, so ends another week. Maybe we're getting closer to identifying the real killer of Joel although with Crooked Kit as lead detective, it could be difficult. And let's hope Billy can finally get it together (yes, he's grieving but so are many others). Oh well. Thanks, as always, for sharing some of your time here at the Hip. Have a great week!

Coronation Street Catch Up: the professional pussy holder edition

 your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

 

 

Good grief!

 

How many more potential Joel killers could there be? Now even Carla looks suspicious. Who's next? Kirk? Maybe he slipped out for a kebab on the night of Joel's murder?

 

Yes, the Joel murder suspects continue to pile up. Let's recap. Dee Dee is antsy and hiding something. Ed and Ronnie broke into Joel's flat and then ran away. D.S. Swain has bruises all over her body. Carla says she was out at the factory to make sure the lights were turned off.

 

It's all quite a conundrum for the lead detective, slippery Kit. Too bad Kit is a major control freak and seems intent on making life miserable for Swain who has been taken off the case but remains fixated on the investigation.

 

When Swain's daughter (Betsy) sees the bruises on her Mum's body, she demands to know what's going on. Lisa fobs her off with a couple of cock-and-bull stories but Betsy knows she's lying and Carla (who knows that Lisa was struck by a car while pursuing a thief) may spill the beans.

 

Of course, it would help if Kit focused on his work instead of trying to worm his way into Daisy's good books. Naturally Kit can't rely on his own limited personal charm. Instead he sneakily extracts info from Daisy's ex, Ryan, for details about Daisy's likes and dislikes. Then the duplicitous detective pretends to espouse the same preferences as Daisy, much to her delight. So it seems that his 'smarm offensive' is working.

 

Meanwhile, things go from bad to worse for D.S. Swain when she learns a complaint has been made against her and she rages at Daisy and Kit.

 

Now let's back up a bit and talk about Gail. 

 

Congrats are in order (I guess) as Gail proposes to Jesse-come-lately and he accepts. This happens after Jesse confronts David who is revealed to be the thief who stole Damon's stash of cash - presumably in an effort to buy Gail's house. Armed with this knowledge, Jesse has the leverage to quell David's constant criticism and move ahead with his plans to wed the fair Gail.

Sarah and Audrey are not amused.

 

Speaking of not being amused, Bernie gives Dev the heave-ho after discovering that Chesney has been laid off (while the Kebab shop is closed due to health violations). Dev tries to make up with a cringy entertainment act during the quads' birthday, culminating in a marriage proposal (to Bernie not the quads) which is rejected.

 

Billy thinks he's ready to resume his arch deacon duties but then finds he's not up to it. (By the way, if Billy ever gets a big promotion, he could be known as 'Billy Bishop'. Just saying...)

Where was I? 

 

Oh yes, over at Ken's, Adam and Steve discover that Ken had a big windfall of cash from his premium bonds (all I ever got was stamps). Steve and Adam are concerned that Ken is being fleeced by Cassie and it is left to Steve (who coincidentally just had a legover with Cassie) to confront her. Cassie is outraged and Ken informs the lads that it's his money and he'd like to enjoy it before it's too late.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Dev to Bernie:

"Bernadine Winter, will you marry me?"

(evidently not)

Gemma tells Ches that maybe her Mum isn't keen on...

"...spending the rest of her life with a man who thinks waistcoats are cool"

(that would be Dev)

Mary, paraphrasing a morning TV host who let a cat escape from his arms:

"I'm not a professional pussy holder"

(no comment)

Dev to Jenny after getting rejected by Bernie:

"I've lost my zip"

(try using buttons or Velcro)

Billy to the bishop:

"I don't think I can be an arch deacon anymore"

(how about a semi-arch deacon?)

Gail tells Jesse about something she read in a magazine:

"Apparently Hugh Bonneville likes to put marmalade in his spaghetti Bolognese"

(and Marmite on his waffles)

 

Audrey to Gail:

"Health, wealth and happiness eh? Well, one out of three isn't bad"

(Good odds for Lotto 649 too)

 

Betsy to Lisa:

"Did you kill Joel?"

(if you mean Billy Joel, then the answer is "no")

 

***

Well, fellow Kit Kritics, so ends another week. I do hope the mystery surrounding the killer of Joel gets cleared up soon. I guess we can only wait and see. Thanks for the pleasure of your company here at the Hip and have a great week.

Coronation Street Catch Up: the thick as a plank edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Poor Gail. 

 

All she wants is a nice fella (as opposed to a serial killer or a con man), a less dysfunctional family (as opposed to a son who pushes her down the stairs or another who steals from their grandmother), and some peace and quiet.

Well, since she suffered a heart attack, she's getting a bit of peace and quiet as she recovers from surgery. And, who knows, maybe Jesse is a genuine and caring bloke. After all, it was Jesse (not David or Sarah or Nick) who was with Gail when she had her heart attack and stayed with her in the hospital despite the glares from David and Sarah.

Sarah doesn't like Jesse because she thinks he stole Damon's money. David doesn't like Jesse because he's a Johnny-come-lately (and a former children's entertainer - say no more) and he thinks Gail always falls for wrong'uns.

However it turns out that Jesse did not steal Damon's money. In fact, Jesse happens to find the stash of cash under the stairs in the Platt house - just where David hid it. So it seems that David stole Damon's cash, possibly so he can buy Gail's house (which Gail is selling to pay for Bethany's medical bills in Turkey)

Speaking of Bethany, she got a rude surprise when one of Harvey's cronies broke into the flat looking for Damon's cash. And, if that wasn't enough, Daniel happened to walk in at an inopportune time and saw Bethany's stoma which caused Bethany to freak out.

Elsewhere it's just an endless cycle of bad news for Chesney and Gemma. 

 

Gemma is grieving so Kit arranges for her and Bernie and the quads to go to a cottage in the Lake District (Arthur Ransome country). That leaves Ches to do a deep clean of the Kebab shop and take Joseph to the airport for his class ski trip. 

 

To do this, Ches leaves Kirk in charge of Dev's kebab shop. Bad idea. The health inspector shows up and is not impressed by Kirk's approach to food safety and hygiene (i.e. the food-on-the-floor five-second rule). Worse, the kebab shop is subsequently closed down. Worse still. Joseph misses his flight and it's only thanks to Rita's generosity that Ches can afford to book a later flight.

Thanks to Bobby's prompting, Lauren and Max finally admit that they have feelings for each other. Now all they need is a place to stay when baby Frankie joins them.

Dee Dee is on a knife's edge as she deals with life after the death of Joel. Detective Kit hasn't yet unraveled the truth behind Joel's death but interviews Dee Dee and her family. Meanwhile, Joel's father shows up and wants to talk to Dee Dee. 

It's moving day for Leanne and Toyah as they both leave the flat, leaving it to Nick and Sam. Sam and Toyah reconcile following Nick's affair and subsequent break-up with Leanne. Later, when Nick and Toyah are alone, Nick reiterates his love for Toyah and they kiss. Hmm.

And, last but not least, Ken and Cassie are making plans for their trip to Portugal and money seems to be no object. Steve is not happy about the situation.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Audrey to David re: Gail:

"My daughter can be thick as plank when she wants to be"

(seems to be in the Platt DNA)

Audrey to David again:

"All the women in this family are absolute disasters when it comes to men"

(the men aren't exactly winning any gold medals)

 

Masked burglar to Bethany:

"Where's the money?"

(are you doing a Jerry Maguire impression? If so, it's "show me the money")

Bethany to Sarah re: the masked burglar:

"Has this got something to do with your gangster boyfriend?"

(no comment)

 

David to Sarah re: Jesse:

"The bloke's about as threatening as a custard tart"

(unless the custard tart has a knife...)

Gail to her family after her angioplasty:

"You're not getting rid of me that easily"

(although in the past, they have tried)

***

Well, Kebab Kolleagues, so ends another week. Best wishes to Gail for a speedy recovery. Hopefully she won't find out that David stole money belonging to a gangster - or that will send her blood pressure skyrocketing. And, of course, Davey Boy may wind up getting a visit from one of Harvey's thugs.

Ah well, all will be revealed in good time. Thanks very much for stopping by and have a great week.