Coronation Street's Desperate Housewife

please note this post makes reference to the July 16 episode on CBC

Not since the global condemnation of New Coke, James Blunt and Crocks has there been such widespread disapproval on this scale. I'm talking, of course, about Sunita Allahan and her sudden transformation into a cross between Mae West and Eartha Kitt (what's wrong with that? - ed).

There seems to be general agreement in Corrieland that this transformation of Sunita from her previous persona as wife, mother and corner shop specialist into Supervamp is unpopular, uncredible and undesirable. Why would a sensible woman and loving mom suddenly gamble her kids, her marriage and her life for a sordid leg over with a gambling addict? Why does her wardrobe now only consist of low cut tops? Why are her pants painted on? Why is she role-playing sex games with Karl ("I'll be the sexy love-starved vixen, you pretend to be a taxi driver... oh wait a sec, you are a taxi driver" - ed)

Our receptionist, Abby Downton, is the lone voice of support for Sunita's sudden transformation. Abby says that Sunita is discovering her sexuality, escaping from that confined, repressive relationship with the selfish Dev, establishing her independence by working at the Rovers and taking a risk to feel alive.

Yes, yes. yes.

I get it. That's all well and good, but with Karl?  Let's face it: he's not exactly oozing animal magnetism (unless that animal happens to be a hamster - ed)

One thing is for certain. This dangerous, va-va-voom, sex game which Sunita is playing is going to end badly. It's only a matter of time before she's caught out by one leg over too many. And, wait till Dev says: "Hey, honey, guess who's coming to dinner?"

2 aunties are half as funny as 1 Umed

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 6 episode on CBC

Let me be the first to register an objection to the Bollywood-like appearance of Sunita's two aunts from India: Mupma & Grishma (I thought that was a subsidiary of Marks & Spencer - ed). It's not that I mind seeing Sunita again, or the twins. On the contrary, I've always had a soft spot for the fair Sunita (in your head, no doubt - ed) and it's great to see her back on the Street (well, nearby anyway)  But, for some reason, every Dev storyline seems to quickly degenerate into some kind of bad Bollywood movie.

First there was the Mother/Daughter love triangle with Dev, Nina and Tara (why was poor Prem left out? - ed). Of course, that was partially redeemed by the multi-storey public photo of Dev wearing nothing but a smile, all part of Tara's revenge (who's sari now? - ed).

Then came Umed, Dev's uncle and corner shop marketing maverick, who became quite a fixture in the corner shop doing a kind of Bollywood Laurel and Hardy routine with Dev. I believe he developed quite a loyal following (Club Umed? - ed), until he suddenly returned to India.

Now we have Dev playing the role of a goofball dad (papa-dum? - ed) who has to pretend he's married to Sunita so the visiting aunties from India won't know they're divorced. It's like 'I Love Lucy'. And, if I can speak frankly, it seems to me that the aunties are basically two Umeds in drag, except that Umed was a lot funnier than Mupma or Grishma or both (Mishma? - ed).

a tale of two chest pains

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 15 episode on CBC

It had to happen sooner or later. Kebab King Jerry had another heart episode. He took a perilous tumble and thudded to the floor, but not before hitting his head on a coffee table on the way down. Looks like Teresa's strategy has worked - or has it? What exactly was the plan? An overdose of heart medication could make Jerry sick, but then again, it could kill him. Unless Teresa has a phD in pharmacology from Weatherfield Technical Institute (magna cum mither), she would hardly be in a position to know what would happen. Even without the double doses of heart pills, Jerry was hardly on the road to healthy living. Curries, half pints, chips at the kebab shop, a half block stroll to the Rovers and custard with apple pie all seem to be part of his demanding regime. Let's just say he wasn't exactly living la vida vegan.

On the other side of town, a scene of similar horror and dread was taking place. I'm talking about Dev and the Bollywood babe. Nina continues to rack up double entendres at a faster pace than Usain Bolt running the 100 metres. Then, before you can say 'Bombay Duck', the twosome engage in a lively bit of 'garam masala' (enough with the suggestive ethnic metaphors - ed). Maybe it's me, but I just don't get it. Admittedly, Dev's let himself go since his traumatic breakup with Sunita but he used to be a player (slogan: "a comely companion in every corner shop"). Remember? Now he's entering the world of farce, a veritable horndog millionaire with a Bollywood retiree and a hairy chest (you could lose a golf ball in there!).

Oh the humanity!

Teresa's recipe for custard (clip and save)
Six large eggs
Five heaping spoons of sugar
Four of Jerry's heart pills
Three pints milk

Directions:
Heat and beat (the custard, not Jerry)