Coronation Street Catch Up: the National Pornographic edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


Claudia isn't the only one who can summon a poetic spirit while delivering a eulogy for Lewis. If you will permit me:

Lewis Archer was a prince among men
he conned Gail and her Mum... and Gail once again
Thanks to Claudia for delivering a heartfelt oration
Thanks to Audrey for that "stop and start" cremation

Yes, the funeral service for Lewis was truly touching (if you like your funerals with a quasi cat fight).

Anyway, the point is Audrey believes that Claudia engineered the scam which resulted in Audrey losing 80,000 pounds. Not so, it seems. Look no further than Nick's gym bag which seems to contain (wait for it), 80,000 pounds. What gives? Can Saint Nick really be Toerag Tilsley?

Gina learns that Duncan is lying about his dead wife. Apparently she is not dead (as he claimed during the trial) but, like Monty Python's Norwegian Blue, is just resting... in South America. Sophie and Tim share the news with Duncan's daughter but she doesn't believe them and Duncan intervenes. In desperation, Tim chases Duncan and Dunc gets hit by a car. Now what?

Whatever happens, they'll have to act fast. Sally's situation is rather pressing since her new cellmate is a hard-nosed psycho who has it in for Sally.

Liz discovers that Jenny was driving the car that hit her. She shares the info with the police and Johnny and Jenny are arrested, charged and released. In a rare display of legal savvy,  Jenny refuses to incriminate herself (maybe she's been watching Scott and Bailey).

Brian decides to change careers (he's tired of teaching) and Cathy manages to get Rita to hire him at the Kabin.

Gemma's brother (Paul) threatens to tell Rita the truth about his sister and Paul also starts a quasi-romance with Rev Billy. Sinead receives an ominous call from the hospital.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Claudia tells Audrey that she doesn't need to steal her money:
"I own a part share in a racehorse"

(which part?)

Shona poses a thorny question to Brian:
"Has a man landed on Uranus?"

(Too easy. Make up your own joke)

Liz to Eileen re: Jenny:

"That witch tried to kill me"

(or, as Claudia would say: 'That which tried to kill me')

Beth's name for National Geographic:
"National Pornographic"

(some people even collect back issues) 

Bethany to Sarah & Shona re: David:

"Gran says he's got small man syndrome"

(it's a little problem) 

***

Well, Corrie Colleagues, so ends another week but not without a special treat: Claudia s poem on the passing of Lewis. Read it and weep (and thanks for stopping by):

"Up in heaven a new star is shining

Down on earth my heart is pining
Save a place at the good Lord's table
and I will join him whence I'm able"

Brings a tear to one's eye, doesn't it? (especially the 'whence' bit).