Saturday, December 8, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Extramarital Bed edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


Call them Legally BlandSally Metcalfe's ersatz Dream Team of legal bunglers have successfully managed to get poor Sal sent down after being found guilty on all charges while Devious Duncan goes free.

Where to begin?

Tim's lack of interest in personal hygiene is cited (objection, your honour). Gina as a character witness makes Sally sound like Weatherfield's Mata Hari. Sophie convinces her Mom to get sick in order to delay proceedings so they can find CCTV footage proving that Sal was at a hospital rather than having a legover with Duncan (Sal's new cellmate, Abi, is happy to oblige by punching Sally). 

All for naught I'm afraid. Paula does her best but to no avail. All that remains is Sally's sentencing hearing. To make matters worse, Gina is having doubts about Sally's innocence and tells Tim.

Meanwhile, Brian is having his own problems with an officious, snotty, greasy pole climbing assistant head named Phil (no doubt short for 'phil of himself')

Brian is subjected to cruel and unusual workplace demands like writing a Nativity play with a twist (how about the three wise men turn into vampires?) More seriously, when Phil excludes Hope, Brian intervenes on behalf of Ty and Fiz and finds himself at odds with Phil.

Mary and Angie are told by police that a body has been found and it may be Jude. Fortunately, it is not Jude and it seems that he is alive and well and draining Angie's bank account. 

Johnny agrees to give Kate the money she needs for the fertility clinic in order for Kate to have a baby. Rana pretends to be pleased but she's not keen. Gemma breaks up with Spike (after Spike is arrested) and reconciles with Chesney but any romance is stalled because of Emma and Ches' budding relationship.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Gina testifies in court:
"Nobody can know everything"
(yes but it would be helpful if someone knew something)

Duncan's lawyer to the court re: Sally:
"She is no stranger to the extramarital bed"
(you mean there's only one bed for everyone in Weatherfield?)

Brian brags to school parents:
"They used to call me Superhead"
(that may have been due to the dimensions of his noggin)

Chesney objects to Emma's suggestion:
"I don't want a spray tan"
(but orange is the new Ches)

Brian explains his Nativity play to Cathy:
"It's an allegory for Brexit"
(so, no happy ending?)

Gemma seeks consolation with pork:
"Bacon has never let me down"
(thank you for being a food)

***
Well, Returning Rovers, so ends another week. A miserable week for Sally and her family but they really are their own worst enemies. Let's hope for better news next week. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week!

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Gobby and Glorious edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


Nice try, Nick

Gail's golden boy thought he could hide the fact that he is married. But Leanne finds out and it all comes crashing down as Elsa (nice lady) promises to exact her revenge on the two-timing Platt (err, be more specific). Leanne requests that the hook of Nick be slung (i.e. get on your Brompton, beat it, etc.)

Carla has a good idea and proposes that Elsa supplant ol' Nicko as partner in Underworld Global Enterprises. Sounds great. Who wouldn't want to be 50% in ladies' knickers?

The Webster fortunes go from bad to worse. Sally's doing yoga in the big house (hint: avoid the downward dog in prison). Gina has an Internet date with dastardly Duncan. Tim gets locked up after failing a breathalyzer test. 

On top of that, Sally's court date is coming up and they can't find a character witness (how about Eccles?) What else can go wrong?

Things are no more cheery over at the Connor's. Ryan discovers the truth about Ali's part in the death of Ronan. Ali snags some drugs to ease to his guilt, flirts with Bethany and winds up in fight with some upstanding members of the local motorcycle gang.

Still more anguish on the Street as Abi takes the fall for Seb's vandalism episode at Tracy's flower shop (suffice to say he did the Nasty on her Nasturtiums). This was prompted by Seb's outrage over Tracy's admission that it was Tracy who sabotaged Michelle's car). Botton line: Abi gets sent down by the judge and will go to prison (hope she likes yoga).

Sinead is eschewing chemo for alternative medicine and keeping it a secret from Daniel. Simon wants to join the navy. Ahoy, mateys.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Rita to Maria after the volatile events of the hair stylists awards:
"I blame the Proseco"
(also responsible for Brexit) 

Rita to Audrey re: her performance at the stylist awards:
"You were gobby and glorious"
(but mostly gobby)

Seb to Tracy:
"You're evil"
(any questions?)

Leanne to Nick:
"You haven't got any kids or mistresses?"
(well, one out of two isn't bad)

***
Well, Weathefield Waifs, so ends another week. Welcome to new followers and thanks for the nice comment. I'm honoured to have a follower of the legendary TVOR and Bluenose Corrie Blogger read my feeble ramblings. But I digress. Have a great week and thanks so much for stopping by.

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the bionic sperm edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street... 

Boy, that Nick was really a busy boy during his short stay in Nottingham.

Let's see, he was running a restaurant, bought a house, got married and played happy families with the lovely Elsa, all over the course of a couple of months. When did he ever get time to sleep?

Carla knows about Elsa but Leanne doesn't and it will stay that way if Nick sells his half of the factory to buy Carla's silence. Nick agrees because he wants to have a second shot for a relationship with Leanne.

Speaking of second shots, Leanne thinks that she might be pregnant... again... with Steve's baby... again. Oh boy! But relax everyone, it's just a false alarm. Still, one would think that contraception may have crossed their minds.

Meanwhile, over at the poshest hotel this side of the Holiday InnAudrey wins the lifetime achievement award at the prestigious North West Regional Stylists Awards.  As they say in the hair styling business, the "highlight" was a classic acceptance speech by Audrey who thanks Maria and then pitches a fastball bouquet into the strike zone (i.e. Claudia's mug). Mic drop and Audrey is outa there. Maria is now having second thoughts about leaving the salon.

Amy makes Steve and Tracy sign a contract to create a happy, stable family environment for her. After spending several months in the hospital with a broken arm, I'm not surprised that Amy is cheesed off at her gormless parents.

Meanwhile, Abi is spiraling downward, seeing her twins enjoying life with the foster parents. Tracy knows she is responsible for the situation after sabotaging Michelle's car and letting Abi take the heat.

The happy glow of engagement wears off quickly for Rana and Kate as Kate is pumped up about the prospect of having a baby and Rana is not sure, and also gets disowned by her Mum (again) by text message. Ouch!

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Audrey finishes her acceptance speech, yo:
"Audrey out!"
(She's like the Drake of hairstylists)

David to Audrey re:Claudia:
"She is a right wind up merchant"
(As in the Shakespearean play, The Merchant of Wind Up")

Shona to Carla re: Gail's worship of darling Nick:
"I was expecting Jesus Christ in brogues"
(FYI, his brogues aren't even waterproof)

Leanne to Nick re: her pregnancy scare:
"Does Steve have bionic sperm?"
(if he does, it's the only part of him that is bionic)

Ken makes small talk to Emma about his hair:
"I've been lucky follicle wise"
(no follicle follies to report so far)

***

Well, Corrie Companions, so ends another week. Sorry to see Elsa dispatched. She seems nice. Oh well, thanks as always for stopping by. Always a pleasure to share your company. Have a great week!

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: The Mysterious Nottingham Restaurant edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

As Steve desperately tries to make amends to Tracy for his Leanne Legover II, he stumbles upon Kev's stolen laptop (running Windows XP, no doubt) in Tracy's apartment. There 'ol Steve-o finds CCTV video footage of Tracy sabotaging Michelle's car (BTW, thanks to the faithful reader named Anonymous who flagged this for me).

What's that you say? Tracy? Doing something bad? I know it's hard to believe but, as part of her traditional wedding day rituals she probably adhered to that old adage, "something old, something new, something borrowed and sabotaged too."

Fortunately Steve does the wise dumb thing and destroys the incriminating evidence to save Tracy and prove his true love. Really, Steve? I think he was out in the Moroccan desert too long.

But enough about Steve the plank. Let's talk about Nick the plank.

So he's trying to make nice with Leanne but then goes and buys Peter's share of Underworld. Leanne is cheesed off. She thought Nick had changed but how can that be when he secretly buys half of Underworld and is running the factory with his ex-femme fatale, Carla?

Then Peter finds out that Carla had "feelings" for him and was actually wanting to try and make a go of the factory with Peter and maybe take things to the next level, you know like a multi-storey parking garage.

Since she's now stuck with Nick, Carla does some sleuthing only to find that Nick is the co-director of a restaurant in Nottingham (BTW, I hear their Nottingham Black Forest cake is to die for) with someone named Elsa.

Elsa-where, exciting news on the marriage proposal front. After much hi-jinks about who is proposing to whom, Kate and Rana propose to each other and they both accept. Huzzah!

Over at Sally's house, Gina and Tim are getting mighty close. They both share the same interests: cans of lager, footie, TV and the common belief that Dev is a plank.

Ryan is out of hospital and being looked after by Bethany. Meanwhile Ali is having trouble keeping it together after Ronan's timely death. He even gets a visit from Mother of Ronan.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Kirk is congratulated by Carla for letting Chesney know about Sinead:
"Good thinking, Kirk"
(as Kirk says, that's something you don't hear very often)

Nick to Leanne:
"Don't worry about Carla. I can handle Carla"
(Sure. And chickens have lips)

Jenny to Johnny:
"You show me yours. I'll show you mine"
(at least wait until everyone leaves the pub)
***

Well, Corrie co-conspirators, so ends another week. Thanks again to the kind reader who flagged Tracy's misdeed. I always appreciate hearing from you although, because of the volume of penis enlargement spam I get, I have to moderate comments so they don't always get posted promptly. (Blame Cambridge Analytica). 

Have a great week and thanks so much for stopping by!

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Barlowpedia Edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Need a quick and dirty Barlow family history recap?

You've come to the right place. Once upon a time when Corrie started, Ken Barlow was a bright young man with a promising future. He married a sweet young woman named Val. They had two kids: Peter and Susan.

Alas Val died and Ken shipped Peter and Susan off to live with their grandparents in Scotland so he could pursue his various um.. pursuits. Peter grew up and joined the navy before finding his way back to the Street. Much, much later, Ken had a fling with a hairdresser named Denise. Denise had a son named Daniel.

Throughout all these twists and turns, Ken has in fact pursued his own interests at the expense of his family. So all this came to head when Daniel blamed Ken for not telling him about Sinead's cancer. Daniel's anger is tempered by Peter who tries to explain the ways of Ken, and Ken later vows to put his family first, for the first time in his life.

Meanwhile Sinead is determined to delay treatment for her cancer until the baby is more developed. Daniel disagrees but eventually supports her.

Nick is being quintessentially Nickish and quite cagey about the mystery person who keeps calling him. He wants to stay in Weatherfield and nurse Leanne back to health.

Other big news?

Steve finally finds his way back home from the Moroccan desert and confronts Tracy. Tracy is concerned about Abi being arrested by the police in connection with tampering of Michelle's car but Tracy is hiding something because she steals Kev's laptop which has CCTV of the car being serviced. What's she up to this time?

Chesney and Gemma can't seem to get on the same wavelength so Gemma goes out with Spike and Chesney goes out with Emma.

And now for a few lines from last week:

Rita to Spike who has stayed the night with Gemma:
"You're putting me off my chipolatas"
(I hope those are sausages)

Steve to Tracy:
"You left me in the Moroccan desert"
(but it's nothing personal)

***

Well, denizens of da street, so ends another week with a focus on the Barlows. And, of course, Steve's harrowing tale of North African survival. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week!

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the deadly fence post edition

a look back at what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

It's official. A tortured Ali finally admits that it was he who pulled the fence post out of Ronan the Barbarian's chest, thus prompting the injured thug to shuffle off this mortal coil post haste.

So what happens now? Ryan (aka el waste-o of space-o) is making a speedy and annoying recovery at Weatherfield General. The coppers have their suspicions about Ali and now they're sniffing around Kev's garage taking a close look at the work done on Michelle's car - just before the accident. What gives?

Over at the Barlows, it's sad news indeed. Sinead has been diagnosed with cervical cancer and it means a gut-wrenching decision as to when she starts treatment and how that affects her unborn child. Rather than share the news with Daniel, she keeps it to herself until Ken accidentally finds out. Now she's under pressure from Ken to tell Daniel the truth.

Ken is also in trouble over that smashing, bodice ripper, short story he wrote for the newspaper. Seems the source material (skimpy as it was) which came from Claudia, actually detailed the life and times of Audrey. Awkward! And now Audrey is super cheesed off at Claudia and Ken.

Speaking of super cheesed off, Mary discovers that Jude is not a budding paramedic student but rather a budding liar. And he also relieved Roy of a cheque for 5,000 pounds as a reward for saving Roy's life. When he is confronted by his Mom, Jude hits Mary who is stunned and horrified.

Jack doesn't like Brian's holiday camp activities but does allow a charming and gregarious Paralympian (a Canadian, I believe) to give him the encouragement and support he needs.

Chesney wants to make a move on Gemma but the timing never seems to be right. Old Nick seems intent on hanging around even though Leanne gave him the heave ho. Next stop? Who knows? Carla?

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Audrey to Ken after she reads the story based on Claudia's account of her exploits:
"I will kill that tart"
(She is, after all, the Perm Suspect)

Claudia convinces Ken to confide in her:
"I'm your muse"
(muesli would probably be more useful to Ken)

Nick makes casual conversation with Gail:
"I can't believe you went to prison"
(... and Sarah's working at Underworld. Mic drop.)

Ali to Michelle re; Ronan's death:
"I pulled that fence post out of him"
(it was like Sword in the Stone... if the stone was an injured mobster)

***
Well, Cobble Caballeros, so ends another week. Nick is hanging around being Nickish. The Ronan investigation continues and Steve and Tracy are in Morocco enjoying their er... honeymoon. What could possibly go wrong?  Thanks for stopping by and have a great week!

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Battersby Bike edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Two weddings, a car crash and a death.  Just another week on Coronation Street.

Tracy and Steve's wedding goes off without a hitch except that Tracy punches Steve during their big dance number. Seems ol' Trace discovers that Steve had a prenuptial leg over with Leanne.

Meanwhile, over at the weed patch er.. community garden, Daniel springs a surprise wedding on Sinead (what's next? A honeymoon at Costa Coffee?)

Then there is a deadly car chase with Ronan gunning for the Connors. Ryan gets run over by Ronan who then hits Leanne and swerves into a ditch impaling himself on a fence post which Doctor Ali subsequently yanks out precipitating Ronan's demise.

Of course Weatherfield's finest are on the case and they want to know exactly what Ali was up to when he was trying to prevent/hasten Ronan's death.

Meanwhile, over at Weatherfield General, Leanne lies in the Coronation Street ICU and, lo and behold, who should arrive but Nick Tilsley. Waaaaat? Once Leanne regains her senses, she tells Nick to do one. Nick returns to the House of Platt where Gail welcomes him and David gives him the cold shoulder.

Speaking of cold shoulders, Jenny finds out about Liz and Johnny's little extracurricular fandango (thanks to ladyrat Hannah) and decides to forgive Johnny.

Liz is not so lucky. She discovers Jim's awful deception when she sees Big Jim in a lip lock with fake daughter Hannah. Liz is devastated by the horrible lie about her dead daughter and is ten grand poorer thanks to Hannah's con game.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Jenny to Liz:
"You're just a washed up, desperate slapper"
(ouch)

Tracy to Leanne at the wedding:
Tell everyone what an old slapper you are"
(actually you're doing a pretty good job)

Tim to Dev while filming Tracy's wedding:
"Another wedding, another cat fight"
(a YouTube bonanza)

Tracy's name for Leanne:
"The Battersby Bike"
(well, she can 'handle bars')

Steve to Jim:
"What is wrong with me? 
(how much time do you have?)

Kirk officiating at Sinead and Daniel's wedding
"Sinead is not a puppy" 
(I'm with you so far...)

Liz to Jim after learning about his deception:
"What kind of a monster are you? 
(the regular kind)

Carla quizzes Michelle about her exploits:
"So you were being chased by a gangster?"
(obviously)

Jenny would rather be with Johnny than be alone:
"You can't warm your feet on principles"
(unless they are fur-lined principles)

***

Thanks for stopping by and have a great week!