Sunday, December 17, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the horny horticulturalist edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Bad news I'm afraid. Demand for sweater vests has taken a nosedive following the departure of Colin.

And there's even worse news. Rana is not pregnant (or is that good news?) Nor has she yet shared the news with Zeedan that she's not on his team but rather in love with Kate.

More bad news? Looks like Yasmeen has talked Roy into being Santa at the community centre but Roy could be a bad Santa.

And the bad news continues as Jude and Angie plan to return to South Africa, convinced that Mary has been harming their baby. Tracy lends a hand to Mary by filching Jude and Angie's passports.

Luke is wondering what exactly happened to Andy. Seems Andy didn't go to Bristol and Luke would like to get in touch. Hmm... could be a problem for Phelan. Alya tries to convince Johnny to help Aidan.

But wait, there's more. David confronts Nicola who spills the beans about her one-night stand with Gary and her resulting pregnancy. And then there's the devastating news that Gary is missing in action in Ukraine.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Nicola to Phelan:
"I hate you"
(join the club)

Tracy complains to Mary about her tardiness:
"I had to flirt with a horny horticulturist"
(you mean a frisky florist?)
***

Well, festive followers, so ends another week. Gary gone? Say it isn't so. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week. Cheers!

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Guncle Todd and Billy edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Phew!

Turns out that Colin is not the Son of Norris. Anyway, Colin and Moira have had a "conscious coupling" and are off and out of the show, leaving Norris back in the shop and Rita back in the flat (what was that story line all about anyway?)

Robert is at it again. His testicular troubles drive him to the gambling table where he promptly loses a ton of cash and puts the Bistro in jeopardy. Michelle doesn't know yet but she soon will.

On the somewhat predictable Phelan front, ol' Pat manages to convince Seb that Anna pushed him off the ladder. Of course Phelan also planted fake evidence so along come the cops to haul Anna away to jail. Not only that, but bail is refused as Anna is deemed a menace to society, mostly to window cleaners.

Jude's son is ill again and Mary is worried. Gemma meets her Prince Charming at a house party and loses a shoe. The prince (aka Henry, heir to the Newton and Ridley empire) turns up to sweep Gemma off her feet.

Over at Todd and Billy's, the news is grim.  Billy, as you recall, had a wild youth culminating in a gas station robbery and the getaway car was involved in a hit-and-run. Todd does a little digging and finds out that someone died in the hit-and-run. The victim was none other than Susan Barlow, mother of Adam, daughter of Ken, twin of Peter.  Billy is racked with guilt but just wait till the Barlow family finds out.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Toyah to Gemma re: her lost shoe at the house party:
"the shoe is a metphor for hope"
(could you please repeat that in kebab shop lingo)

Summer comes up with a name for Todd and Billy combining gay with Uncle:
"Guncles"
(I prefer Unclay?)

Norris to Moira (who helped Colin in his quest for Norris' DNA):
"You stole my blood!"
(something to write about in her vampire diary)

Colin describes Moira in three words:
"Luminous. Loyal. Pre-Raphaelite"
(Are. You. Kidding?)

***

Well, Weatherfield wayfarers, so ends another week. Thanks so much for dropping by and have a great week!

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Norris Cole Junior edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Could it be true?

Could Norris Cole really have a soporific sprog, a stodgy son, a filial fussbudget, a... (get on with it - ed)

Colin thinks so and convinces Moira to snag a sample of Norris' blood to conduct a DNA test. Seems that sweater vests run in the family. As a "reward" Colin treats Moira to a roll in the hay (sans hay) on the floor of the corner shop (it's a veritable sherbet fountain of love).

On to more serious matters. Robert saves little Joseph and Jake from a speeding car but winds up in hospital where Michelle finally convinces him to check out his private parts (by a doctor). Seems Robert has a malignant lump and it's a grim situation for him and Michelle.

Who was driving that speeding car? Kate who was distraught after Rana went through with her wedding to Zeedan even though Rana really loves Kate and vice versa.

Meanwhile Chesney is being mentored by Tracy on how to be sneaky and duplicitous. Ches wants to ensure that Daniel doesn't get too cozy with Sinead and Tracy is helping him. Meanwhile the demands of looking after Joseph while Ches works all hours is taking its toll on Sinead.

Evil Phelan is upset to learn that Nicola is off to Australia and tries to enlist Anna's help to convince her to stay - by telling Anna that Gary is the father of Nicola's baby.

Sally celebrates her inauguration as Mayor only to have her reception interrupted by a court order stemming from Gina's debts. Good photo op (but not for Sally') as the household furniture is taken away.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Anna to Nicola:
"Do you know how you can tell when Pat Phelan's lying?"
(his lips move)

Anna to Gary re: being the accidental father of Nicola's baby:
"You can't get pregnant from talking"
(but use a condom anyway)

Colin to Norris regarding his taste in sweater vests
"It's me hipster look"
(well, it does highlight your erroneous zones)

Colin to Norris:
"You may be my father"
(like Darth Vader, only more boring)

***

Well, Corrie companions, so ends another week. Things are certainly getting bleak on the Street these days. I vote for fewer depressing story lines and more hi jinks. After all, we're approaching the holiday season and I would like to see Pat Phelan get his comeuppance for Christmas. At least that's what's on my Xmas list. Have a great week and thanks for stopping by. Cheers!

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Bat Watch Newsletter edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

What a pair!

Turns out that 'Rev' Billy is a former gas station robber and trouble maker while Todd just torched a van belonging to arch-nemesis Aidan. Who could ask for better parents for young Summer?

But wait, it gets better. Rev Billy has retained quasi-lawyer Adam as his legal counsel. What do I think about that? No comment.

Speaking of accelerants, it seems that Phelan's Airbnb dungeon house got burned down and the culprit was none other than Phelan himself. Seems he paid two young numskulls to do the dirty deed while he was on vacation with Eileen, taking a well-deserved break from his murderous misdeeds.

Good news: Rana and Zeedan are getting married. Bad news (for Zeedan): Rana's got a hunka hunka burning love for Kate.

Fiz and Ty are dealing with the fallout from their decision to stay mum about a windfall they got from the crowdfunding site. Seems Beth and others found out and are none too chuffed.

Good news:  Chesney's son, Joseph, is finally talking.  Bad news: he's talking to Daniel. Anyone got a Portuguese-English dictionary? Não. And, Chesney is planning to work himself to death as manager of Dev's expanding fast food empire. Today, Kebabs. Tomorrow, the world (well, the local chippie, anyway).

Jude is furious with Mary for calling the cops on Angie for drink driving. Angie doesn't have a drink problem (per se) but rather post-natal depression.

Robert is out of the Big House and back in the Small Bistro with Michelle as a full partner in business and a name change for the bistro in the works (The Silver Fox? Salt and Pepper? The Grecian Formula?)

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Michelle to Robert:
"How was your first breakfast as a free man?"
(she put a shiv in the omelette for old time's sake)

Todd to Billy re: his iron-clad defence:
"Who needs prayer when you've got the English legal system?"
(praise M'Lord)

Roy tells Robert he's busy for the evening:
"I have to write the monthly bat watch newsletter"
(sounds like a nocturnal job) 

Zeedan to Rana after Kate leaves
"What did I miss?"
(Just a friendly seven-minute smooch between two female mates)

***
Well, Weatherfield Watchers, so ends another week. Thanks so much for dropping by and I hope you have a great week. Cheers!

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the magic watch edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

It just gets worse and worse for Anna, doesn't it?

First she gets arrested for pushing Seb off his ladder (although she was framed by Phelan). She learns that Seb is HIV positive (although Faye is not). She has a fight with Kev. And now Seb is recuperating at Sally's.

Colin and Moira are flirting in the Kabin, interrupted only by Rosie's ill-fated attempt to distract Colin while Todd and Adam try to alter a purchase contract so that Rita can renege on her decision to sell her flat. Sadly they are caught in the act. On the plus side, Rita got the all clear after her cancer scare.

Joseph is back with Chesney and Sinead is doing her best to care for him, but he's not a happy camper.

Seems that Johnny has received a big fat cheque from the insurance company for the factory. The factory workers are thrilled but Johnny isn't planning to re-open the factory. He's decided to retire with Jenny in Spain. Funny, no-one told Aidan. Hasta la vista, baby.

Norris celebrates his last day at the Kabin before hanging up his sweater vest. Craig is doing okay with his new mentor but he has a fixation about time which is impeding him. Gary and Sarah have a falling out about kids. This follows Gary's confrontation with Nicola who is pregnant. Gary suggests a termination. Nicola tells him to get lost.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Colin explains why he refuses to change the flat purchase contract for Rita:
"I am a 21st century businessman"
(in a 20th century business)

Moira brags about her vocal talent to Colin:
"I moved my PE teacher to tears"
(and that was even before she started singing)

Johnny to Jenny:
"Spain here we come"
(Olé)

Oily Tinder punter to Gemma:
"My magic watch says you're not wearing any underwear"
(then it must be time for Peter to throw you out of the Rovers)  

Gary to Sarah on why he doesn't want kids:
"Things happen in life don't they?"
(legover things?)

Todd gets a call from a potential customer:
"You found a foreign body in your meat and potato pie?"
(was it meat and potato?)

Roy quoting Anthony Burgess about the Kabin:
"All human life is here"
(and even some non-human life)

***

Well, cobbleros, so ends another week. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the knocking shop edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Yes, I know, I missed last week.

I had booked a night in a B&B run by this guy named "Pat" and it turned out to be a grotty basement room with chains and, get this, no ensuite bathroom!

Not sure what happened to those two other guys staying there, but I'm only giving it one star in my review.

Yes, folks, the relentless story lines of death, gloom and doom continue unabated on Coronation Street. Whatever happened to all those lighthearted stories - like when Jack Duckworth was playing away using a fake name? Curly and Raquel's ill-fated romance?  Fred the butcher marrying anything that moved?

But I digress. Here's the gruesome body count: Vinny got shot by Andy who was shot by Phelan (still with me?). Seb fell off a ladder and is in serious condition at Weatherfield General and, oh yeah, he may be HIV positive.

Phelan is keeping busy, disposing of bodies and using the power of negative persuasion to convince Seb that Anna Windass is to blame for pushing Seb off the ladder. Nicola confronts Daddy Dismal and lets him know that she knows about his past rapes (her Mom and Anna). Then she takes off.

Faye thinks Anna called Social Services to come round to Seb's house which led to the twins being placed in care (hint: it was Sally).

Luke thinks Alya and Aidan are having it off (they're actually starting a new business). Craig has a new mentor. Sinead is getting anxious waiting for Chesney to return with his son, Joseph.

Sally's mayoral campaign continues, now with Gina as campaign manager. Speaking of Gina, seems she and Dev are having it off. Summer is back with Todd and Billy, but Billy turns himself in for assaulting Peter.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Phelan whispers sweet nothings into Seb's ear:
"Anna Windass wants you dead. she pushed you off that ladder"
(and, by the way, you're still fired)

Yasmeen to Buzzer the Bee:
"I could never never vote for some comedy costumed candidate"
(But costumed comedy candidates are doing so well these days)

Robert gets a jail visit from Michelle
"What am I missing?"
(Um, a bottle of Grecian Formula maybe?)

Dev comes downstairs with Gina and runs into Sally and supporters:
"I was undecided, now I'm rock solid"
(By which he means he ingested a citrate formulation to treat erectile dysfunction and engage in intercourse)

Annoyed Sally to Gina and Dev:
"This is my campaign HQ not a knocking shop"
(well, perhaps you should have been more specific about that)

Mary to Norris re: children:
"You're barren you wouldn't understand"
(he's annoying too, but don't let that deter you)

***
Well, patient punters, thanks for sticking with me during my absence (it was work related, or so I say). Happy to be back and glad to see you dropping by to read my feeble ramblings. Have a great week and all the best!

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the part of the male anatomy edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street... 

Guess what? Vinny is alive and well and chatting on Skype with his old ex-pal Pat Phelan.

As you recall, Vinny and Pat were partners in crime fleecing the punters with a scam involving fake flats. Vinny scarpered with the money leaving Pat to finagle his way of a jam.

Well, now it seems like payback time and Pat is awaiting the return of his partner (threatening to harm Vinny's poor old Mum as an incentive).

Maybe the two of them just want to reminisce about old times... or, maybe Pat wants Vinny to be chained up in the basement of his Airbnb dungeon. Either way, Andy is getting super excited at the idea of a replacement prisoner. Let the good times roll.

Nicola is pregnant and has decided to have the baby. The dad? Gary Windass (take that, Phelan).

On the Underworld front, the cops arrest Todd and Adam in connection with the theft of factory machines but let them both go. Meanwhile the ramifications of a post-Underworld economic climate continue (I blame Brexit).  Chesney returns to work but has another panic attack.

Rana is very conflicted about her feelings for Kate. Kate is confused by Rana's confusion. Where will it end? And what about Zeedan?

Colin is hanging around like a bad smell and keeps pushing to seal the deal for the Kabin and Rita's flat.

Cathy and Brian head off to a Boney M tribute band concert, Phoney M (I wouldn't be surprised if the opening act was Boney M). But their plans are thwarted by a prank on the part of Amy and Asha.

Summer is recruited into a junior band of troublemakers and is challenged to deface the car of a teacher. As Todd and Billy have a falling out, Summer becomes more upset and when Simon finds a joint and dares her to try it, she does and passes out.

Mary's son and daughter-in-law and grandchild arrive in Weatherfield but it's clear that Jude's wife is irritated by Mary.

And at the Rovers, a Newton and Ridley bigwig (at least that's what it says on his business card), is unhappy with the quality of the ale and Liz manages to turn this to her advantage, pledging to sweet talk the talented Mr. Ridley, in exchange for less toilet duty.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Nicola announces the name of the father of her child to Eileen and Pat:
"It's Gary Windass"
(great news, right Pat)

Colin reveals his nickname to Todd:
"Your nickname was Palm Pilot?"
(an obsolete compendium of useless data? Sounds about right)

Kate to Aidan on the sorry state of Underworld
"If you'd just learn to keep it in your pants, none of this would have happened"
(maybe he can take an evening course at the local college?)

An annoyed teacher recounts what was drawn on the side of her car by Summer:
"Let's just say it was part of the male anatomy"
(Adam's apple?)

Liz to Toyah re: Tom Ridley
"I can't count the number of times he's undressed me with his eyes"
(is that because it's zero?)

Liz to Toyah again:
"basically, you want to pimp me out"
(think of it as Tinder for seniors)

***
Have a great week and thanks for stopping by.