Saturday, February 16, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the racing snake edition

your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


You know what they say: if the boat's a rockin', don't come knocking, or perhaps if the boat's a leakin', don't be peekin'.

Anyway, the point is Peter Barlow appears to be using his boat as a some kind of naughty nautical sex pad. And the lucky lady appears to be Abi who is working on the boat and also in need of comfort after the court hearing which officially awarded custody of her twins to foster parents.

All this leads to a cozy cuddle aboard the HMS Barlow, which in turn leads to a lip lock in the dry dock which in turn... well, I think you can guess.

Someone else who can guess what's going on is Carla who spies Peter from the balcony of Underworld. Does this mean that Peter and Carla are officially over?

Meanwhile the court decision has hit Seb hard. He was trying to convince the court to grant him custody of the twins to no avail.

On the pregnancy front, Steve and Tracy decide they want to adopt Amy's baby (why don't they just raise the child without formal adoption?) but apparently that's legally difficult. To complicate matters, Tyler's Mum shows up. She and Tyler want Amy to get rid of the baby.

Paul and Gemma continue to butt heads. Seems that Paul took the rap for Gemma a long time ago (when Gemma burgled a house) and that has somehow caused friction between the two which prevails.

Jenny and Johnny are facing their day in court resulting from the hit and run which put Liz in the hospital. They could get sent down.

Evelyn is off to Italy and Tyrone thinks it's good riddance since he has discovered that it was Evelyn who actually dumped him off at the cop shop when Ty was a baby. There were extenuating circumstances which Evelyn was dealing with at the time (like a drug addict daughter) but Ty is not impressed, although he does seem to be having second thoughts now. 

Norris needs money to fund his Peruvian travels with Emily and wants to sell the Kabin. Rita is distraught.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Tracy tells Steve that Amy's baby bump won't show:
"She's built like a racing snake"
(thanks Mom!)

Peter to Carla:
"You shouldn't look in a boat if you don't want to see inside"
(yes, what's going on in there could make anyone seasick)

***
Well, Corrie crew, so ends another week with Captain Barlow making sure that his ship is seaworthy... or at least sex worthy. Thanks so much for stopping by and I hope you have a great week. Cheers!
  

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: The cat called Keith edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


Sarah's sleeping on a lilo air mattress. Simon is a virgin. Tyler is a father. Steve is a numpty.

Those are the key takeaways from last week. Sarah Louise is sleeping on a lilo because Gary has squandered all that dosh he earned in the Ukraine on presents for Nicola's (and his) baby. Huh?

So Sarah is camped out in the Platt house and Gary is desperate for cash.

The solution to Sarah Louise's predicament is, of course, to get bladdered along with Gary's exes. This leads to a cozy evening with Adam, ruined when Adam "gets his signals crossed" and tries to snog Sarah Louise.

Simon insists that he is not the lad who got Amy pregnant (despite the accusations of Steve and Tracy). The culprit, it seems, is our young friend and thug du jour, Tyler. Yikes! Will Amy keep this secret? Will she keep the baby?

Sally is coaching Abi so she can get a job despite her prison record but it's not going well.

Tyrone follows Evelyn to the house of a nice fella who seems to know a lot about Evelyn and her past - much more than she is letting on.

Roy's mother dies and Roy returns to his flat with a woody filled with her possessions. Carla is worried about him and feels he is bottling up his emotions.

And now for a few line from the week that was:

Sarah Louise complains to Nick about her living arrangements:
"This morning David ate my bra"
(maybe it was the dog, maybe it was the man)

Abi to Peter:
"Your girlfriend bought you a boat as a joke?"
(She keeled over with laughter)

Nicole to Sarah Louise and Izzy re: Gary:
"He's a big, ginger stud"
(this is Gary, right?)

Tyrone tells a cop that he's looking for his Nana's cat:
"Your Nana's got a cat called Keith?"
(sure, and a dog named Mick Jagger)

Roy to Carla:
"Apparently the last thing my mother said was to complain about the toilet paper"
(she was a roll model, may she rest in peace)

***
Well, fellow Weatherfielders, so ends another week. I'm really not keen on the Amy pregnancy story. I do however like the relationship between Roy and Carla. Oh well. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you have a great week. Cheers!

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Steve's brain edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


So David is blackmailing Nick (because he knows Nick stole Audrey's money) and Nick is blackmailing David (because he knows the truth about Callum). The obvious conclusion: they will open a trendy barber shop (name suggestion: Sweeney Odd).

It's David's idea because he got squeezed out of getting his hands on Audrey's Salon. Audrey is desperate for cash (because Nick ripped her off) and has made a quick sale to Claudia. So ol' Davey is using Nick to launch his own business (suggested slogan: "I'll cut you!")

Sally is out of jail and just in the nick of time as her psycho cellmate was about to shove a shiv at poor Sal. But, with ol' Duncan making a full confession (thanks to some good work by Gina in convincing Duncan's wife to make Duncan come clean), Sal is out and trying to adjust to life on the outside. Fortunately Abi is there to help and grateful Sally offers Abi room and board at her house.

Things are not going so well for Sinead and Daniel. Sinead delivered her baby (Bertie) early so she could get radiotherapy treatment for her cancer. But Baby Bertie is having some problems and may need surgery.

Steve and Tracy are back from vacation. Steve is randy. Tracy is not. Therein lies the nub of the problem so Tracy pretends to want a baby in order to cool Steve's ardour. Steve pretends that he wants a baby in order to fulfill his caveman desires.

Meanwhile, it looks like Amy is the one who is pregnant. Can we really endure another teen pregnancy story line after Faye and Sarah Louise? Wouldn't it be more uplifting to see Amy win a scholarship or something?

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Nick to David:
"I'm the one with a brain injury. You're the one with a screw lose"
(what's your point?)

Mary to Tracy re: her plan to cool Steve's jets by pretending to want a baby:
"That's a sledgehammer to crack some nuts"
(fortunately the nuts are on the smallish side)

Mary again:
"Steve's brain is like horse manure - very fertile"
(similar in other ways too)

Tim's homemade sign to greet Sally upon her return:
"Weelcome home"
(Thaanks a lot)

Steve to Tracy:
"You and I would make great parents"
(how do feel about grandparents?)

***

Well fellow Cobbleros, so ends another week. I'm glad that Sally is out of jail but not too happy about Amy's pregnancy. Oh well. Thanks as always for stopping by and have a great week. 

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the National Pornographic edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


Claudia isn't the only one who can summon a poetic spirit while delivering a eulogy for Lewis. If you will permit me:

Lewis Archer was a prince among men
he conned Gail and her Mum... and Gail once again
Thanks to Claudia for delivering a heartfelt oration
Thanks to Audrey for that "stop and start" cremation

Yes, the funeral service for Lewis was truly touching (if you like your funerals with a quasi cat fight).

Anyway, the point is Audrey believes that Claudia engineered the scam which resulted in Audrey losing 80,000 pounds. Not so, it seems. Look no further than Nick's gym bag which seems to contain (wait for it), 80,000 pounds. What gives? Can Saint Nick really be Toerag Tilsley?

Gina learns that Duncan is lying about his dead wife. Apparently she is not dead (as he claimed during the trial) but, like Monty Python's Norwegian Blue, is just resting... in South America. Sophie and Tim share the news with Duncan's daughter but she doesn't believe them and Duncan intervenes. In desperation, Tim chases Duncan and Dunc gets hit by a car. Now what?

Whatever happens, they'll have to act fast. Sally's situation is rather pressing since her new cellmate is a hard-nosed psycho who has it in for Sally.

Liz discovers that Jenny was driving the car that hit her. She shares the info with the police and Johnny and Jenny are arrested, charged and released. In a rare display of legal savvy,  Jenny refuses to incriminate herself (maybe she's been watching Scott and Bailey).

Brian decides to change careers (he's tired of teaching) and Cathy manages to get Rita to hire him at the Kabin.

Gemma's brother (Paul) threatens to tell Rita the truth about his sister and Paul also starts a quasi-romance with Rev Billy. Sinead receives an ominous call from the hospital.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Claudia tells Audrey that she doesn't need to steal her money:
"I own a part share in a racehorse"
(which part?)

Shona poses a thorny question to Brian:
"Has a man landed on Uranus?"
(Too easy. Make up your own joke)

Liz to Eileen re: Jenny:
"That witch tried to kill me"
(or, as Claudia would say: 'That which tried to kill me')

Beth's name for National Geographic:
"National Pornographic"
(some people even collect back issues) 

Bethany to Sarah & Shona re: David:
"Gran says he's got small man syndrome"
(it's a little problem) 

***
Well, Corrie Colleagues, so ends another week but not without a special treat: Claudia s poem on the passing of Lewis. Read it and weep (and thanks for stopping by):

"Up in heaven a new star is shining
Down on earth my heart is pining
Save a place at the good Lord's table
and I will join him whence I'm able"

Brings a tear to one's eye, doesn't it? (especially the 'whence' bit). 

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Lewis Archer shuffles off this mortal coil edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


You know, if the Platt women could just stop getting scammed, they might have some financial security. Audrey got ripped off twice (by Lewis, it seems), Gail lost her house (Lewis again) and Sarah Louise lost her deposit in Pat Phelan's fake condo scheme. And on and on.

But I digress and I'm burying the lead (so to speak). The big news this week is that the incomparable Lewis Archer has passed on to hustler heaven, joined the swindler spirits, transcended to the great bunco beyond (that's quite enough - ed). 

Seems he suffered a heart attack just before proposing to Audrey and whisking her away to the Dominican Republic (all inclusive, I presume).

Audrey is inconsolable. Even more so when she discovers that she's been ripped off (again) by someone who has taken her tidy inheritance from Archie the Undertaker.

Gail is not surprised as she tried to warn Audrey about Lewis, but who listens to Gail?

In other news, Mary tracks down her son, Jude, only to find that he's become an orthopedic surgeon practicing under the name of Dr. Ken Barlow (and I suppose he's assisted by Nurse Eccles).

Of course, it's all lies. Roy is, um, 'hip' to Jude's scam and Mary is heartbroken. The shameless Jude leaves an unpaid hotel bill, takes cash from his Mom and scampers.

Meanwhile Angie could be heading back to South Africa with baby George since she's been offered a nice job. Poor Mary.

This just in: Gemma has a twin brother named Paul (surprise). He just got out of jail (not a surprise) and gets himself a job working for a "cougar" at Underworld thanks to a good word from Rev.Billy. Gemma does not like Paul and is even thinking of leaving the Street.

Gina needs info about Devious Duncan and is now trying to blackmail Imram into helping her.

Oh, and Carla (the Cougar) gave Peter a nice old boat or an eyesore (or maybe both) as a present. As they say, once a seaman, always a seaman (and, yes, I did spell that correctly).

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Gail to Audrey re: Lewis:
"He's out to ruin you"
(again)

Lewis to Audrey:
"The truth is I've grown tired of Gail"
(Surely not?)

Lewis to Audrey:
"I'm an old dog and I've learned a few new tricks"
(fetch?)

The name of the boat which Carla gave to Peter:
"Lost Buoy"
(a sub standard ship for a sub mariner)

Mary sings to Roy as they sadly leave Blackpool:
"Can you hear the drums Fernando?
(Fernando is probably Jude's next alias)

***
Well, fellow Corrie-inthians, so ends another week. One character departs (Lewis) and one appears (Paul). I must say I'm sorry to see Lewis leave. He was a touch of class (and larceny) on the Street.
Have a great week, stay warm and thanks so much for stopping by. Cheers!

Saturday, January 12, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Ming Hole edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Good News!

Gail's back from Milan and, no, she didn't get her hair done while she was away. So, no change there. Phew!

Also not changed is Gail's profound suspicion of master scamster Lewis Archer. She knows he's up to something and follows him to a hotel where he chats with a woman before going up to a hotel room. She tries to get some cellphone photos as proof but makes a cock up of it.

Meanwhile Lewis tells Gail to back off so what's he actually up to?

Elsewhere Peter has bought a dreary wreck of a snooker hall and Dev and Kirk tell him it's haunted - you know, just for a laugh. Peter turns the tables on them and gives them a scare but the scariest moment comes when he and Carla get chummy in the shade of a snooker table on New Year's Eve. (Nooo! Look away!)

More bad news for Liz. Sacked from the Rovers by Johnny and spied on by Jenny, she then gets injured in a hit-and-run and is finally discovered unconscious in her flat by Eileen.

Now recuperating in the Coronation Street Wing of Weatherfield General Hospital, Liz wonders if Johnny intended to hit her. Not so since it was actually Jenny who was behind the wheel, but Johnny takes the rap to protect her and claims his MS was the cause of the mishap.

The on again, off again romance between Kate and Rana is on again.

Tim finally visits Sally in prison and they manage to sort out all the devious stuff which Gina has been doing to create a wedge between them. Gina begs Sally for forgiveness. No way. As a result, Tim kicks Gina out of the house and Gina has now latched onto a gullible Kirk as a place of refuge.

And, lest you think that Christmas was a complete bust, let it be known that the hound they call Cerberus has been returned to Evelyn and she actually seems grateful to Ty for making it happen. It's a Christmas miracle!

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Carla to Peter re: the snooker hall:
"It's a ming hole"
(yes, but as ming holes go, it's one of the best)

Peter tries to get romantic with Carla:
"I think our futures are linked"
(That's what they said about Britain and the EU)

Carla is not interested in getting romantic with Peter:
"I'm a car crash, you're a car crash"
(That's what they said about Britain and the EU)

Lewis tells Gail to butt out of his relationship with Audrey:
"If you don't stop meddling, you'll regret it"
(That's what they said about Britain and the EU)

Roy recounts his fondest yuletide memories:
"My mother made every Christmas hell"
(wasn't that a song by Bob Geldof?)

Jenny to Johnny:
"Merry stinking Christmas"
(or maybe that was a song by Bob Geldof?)

***
Well, festive followers, so ends Christmas and New Year's on Coronation Street. Not a lot of happiness permeated Weatherfield, I'm afraid. Oh well, at least Cerberus is back at home. Thank you very much for stopping by and I hope you have a great week. All the best!

 

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Partridge in a Spare Tree edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada`s Coronation Street...


'twas the night before Christmas and throughout the jail
Poor Sally was crying over her fickle male...

Spending Christmas in prison is no fun. Just ask Abi and Sally who are banged up inside although, to be fair, the screws did do a nice job of decorating the detention facility and that tough inmate did offer Abi a Christmas gift (albeit drugs).

Meanwhille, back at the Webster house, Tim realizes that he shared a bed with feckless Gina. Oh sure, Tim was well bladdered at the time but that's no excuse. Faye is not bothered but Sophie hits the roof. Oh, and by the way, Tim put the house up for sale to cover Sally's legal bills.

Steve pulls another classic blinder by getting a free all-expenses paid trip to Tenerife from Eileen (who can't use it) and presenting it to Tracy. Tracy is delighted until she discovers it's a freebie and Steve is back in the doghouse.

Jenny is spending the holiday season in a permanent drunken state as she frets over Johnny and Liz. In the process, she gets black eye and falls down the stairs.and also spoils Johnny's Christmas trivia quiz by shouting out the answers (I say, that's beyond the pale).

Despite showing up drunk at the Nativity Play and throwing up on the audience while in a harness (like Carrie or a demented Peter Pan), Brian is reinstated at the school following that damning video of bully boy Phil which got posted on social media.

Brian is also given another chance by Yasmeen to play Santa Claus even after his disastrous performance last Christmas.

Audrey decides to share her financial windfall with her family much to the apparent dismay of Lewis who may not be able to resist the temptation to return to his con artist tricks.

Looks like Daniel will have to make a vegan Christmas dinner for his family (he's not too happy at the prospect of making a Nutloaf for 20) and Gail is stuck in Milan. Triste.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Inebriated Jenny to Rovers`punters:
"A free kiss with every pint"
(Interesting marketing strategy)

Exasperated Johnny to Jenny:
"You're ruining the quiz"
(Or is she improving it?)

Cathy tells Brian to stop worrying about the animal's lines in the play:
"The donkey is hardly a key player"
(that's not what the donkey says)

Rana complains about Kate to Imram:
"She's cruising the streets for random sperm"
(I hope she doesn't bump into Steve McDonald)

Cathy consoles Biran after his flying barf episode:
"I know the governors weren't well pleased with the vomit"
(Oh really?)

Tim singing in the Bistro at the Streetcars party:
"A partridge in a spare tree"
(so the Vienna Boys Choir have been signing the wrong lyrics?)

Tim to Steve:
"It's about time this good man started being a bit naughty"
(You mean like cheating at darts?)

Brian notes that his school performance review might be a tad negative:
"I did projectile vomit in front of the whole school"
(No need to regurgitate that episode)

***
Well, Christmas Corriephiles, so ends another week and (and since we are a week or so behind British Corrie, we'll finally get to see Christmas Day in Weatherfield on Monday). Loved hearing Abi quote lines from 'Fairytale of New York' which matches the mood of poor Sal. Thanks to you for stopping by, thanks especially for your kind comments and I wish you a wonderful week. Cheers!