Saturday, October 20, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Manchester Big Cat edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Just like the Loch Ness monster (only with more hair and less water), the legendary Manchester Big Cat stalks the environs of Weatherfield and it's up to Kirk and his intrepid team to use the latest technology (sausages) to catch a glimpse of the furry beast.

So far, all Kirk has captured is a video of Hannah pocketing the stash of fake bank notes which Johnny left for his blackmailer in accordance with their instructions, lest the blackmailer reveal his secret sleepover with Liz. Now that Johnny knows who the villain is, he tells Liz but Hannah tries to cover up with a fake explanation.

Not only that but Jim is having second thoughts about the whole rip-off and revenge scheme now that Steve has forgiven him and Liz seems to be somewhat warm for his form. All of which does not sit well with Hannah.

Speaking of Steve, it's wedding day for him and Tracy. You know what they say, practice makes perfect and, God knows, Steve's had a lot of practice.

The ceremony has all the majesty, pomp and circumstance that one would associate with nuptials that begin with "I'm a Believer" by The Monkees. Small hiccup though. Tracy thinks Steve had it off with Abi. Steve disproves that theory with his Dirty Dancing moves, which shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's been practicing with Abi.

However, Leanne then confesses to Tracy that she and Steve indulged in Legover - The Sequel, although it was an accident (much like Legover - Part 1).

While all this is going on, Daniel is planning to surprise Sinead with a pagan wedding. Dueling weddings? What madness. However, Sinead is hardly in the mood given that she's been diagnosed with cervical cancer and the life of her unborn child is now in question.

Over at the Bistro, things are no better. Ryan is arrested because he lied about the circumstances of Cormac's death. He kicks off at the cop shop because he doesn't want to be released on bail and face the wrath of Ronan (Cormac's crime boss Dad).

Imram has been retained as Ryan's lawyer but things look grim. On top of that, Ali is suspended by the hospital because of his involvement in the incident

Over at Kev's, poor Jack is having a hard time getting back into his school routine after his leg was amputated.

And now for a few lines from last week:

Steve tells Tracy she's wrong about his legover activities:
"I haven't slept with Abi, you plank"
(don't ask about Leanne though)

Steve to Tracy:
"Daniel is having a pagan wedding"
(I don't believe it)

Tracy to Leanne while walking down the aisle:
"I'm coming for you bitch"
(but for Oliver's kilt, not for the legover with Steve)

Ken reluctantly agrees to include some racy details in his story:
"I suppose I could reference the odd heaving bosom"
(I suppose it is in your breast interest)

Johnny doesn't like Carla's plan to catch the blackmailer:
"I don't like this. It has cock up written all over it"
(in capital letters)

***

Well, wedding watchers, looks like both ceremonies will not end well, Tracy has caught Steve out over his second legover with Leanne and Sinead has bigger things on her mind other than pagan weddings. Oh well. Thanks for taking the time to visit. Hope you have a great week. Cheers!

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the bat enthusiast edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Rest in Peace Cormac, we hardly knew ye. No, really, we don't know who you are (were).

Apparently he's the son of the most dangerous gangster since the Krays. That's unfortunate because he wound up working at the Bistro for 10 minutes and then died of a drug overdose while hanging out with Rye-Ann (Michelle's waste of space/DJ son).

Unfortunately Ryan happens to find the overdosed Cormac and delayed calling an ambulance in favour of phoning Ali to help. Then the police get involved and they all have to concoct an alibi. Sophie lies to cover up for Ryan. Then Ronan (el grande mobster) shows up and things get tense.

David confronts Josh and isn't too happy about Rev. Billy helping out the visually impaired sexual predator. Ol' Davey decides to take matters into his own hands and finds closure in his encounter with Josh.

Sinead is not at all well and Beth is concerned. Angie may be warming up to Jude now that he's intent on becoming a paramedic. It's yet another lie. Jude can't stand the sight of blood but he's quite happy to extract 5,000 pounds from Roy under the pretense of paramedical study fees.

Brian snags a job as a schoolteacher and promptly gets bladdered. Peter tells Steve that he will not be attending the wedding, the subtext being that Peter is not pleased about Steve's pre-marital legover with Leanne.

Roy makes a joke:
"You know what they say about bat enthusiasts, they like to hang around together"
(Good one, Royston)

David to Shona and Billy re:Josh
"I'm me again"
(a mixed blessing, I would think)

***
Well, Corrie Commandoes, so ends another week. I don't like the look of this Ronan fella and I do think Sinead should get to A&E as soon as possible. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week.

Monday, October 8, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the mental enema edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


It's Canadian Thanksgiving so let's give thanks for Steve McDonald's hilarious Dirty Dancing lessons.

Judging from his body language and facial expressions, he's a regular Patrick Queaze. Ah, but the laughs end there (or do they?) as Steve (consumed with pre-post-marriage remorse) decides he's not right for Tracy and decides to drown his sorrow in Scotch and Leanne.

Bad idea.

Peter discovers the two naked numpties prancing around Steve's apartment while searching for Steve to let him know that Amy fractured her elbow and was taken to hospital. Is it only a matter of time before Steve is attacked with a knick knack by Tracy for his randy endeavours?

While Amy is in the hospital, it seems that Josh has checked out and winds up at Rev. Billy's apartment. That could be tricky with so many of Josh's haters in the street.

Hannah seems to be succeeding in extracting all of Liz's savings to help with her condition (duplicity). But Big Jim wants to pull the plug on the Liz ripoff as he thinks he can blackmail Johnny for much more dosh if he threatens to tell Jenny about Johnny's legover with Liz.

Tim and Gina seem to getting more and more chummy as they work together to support Sally while Sal is behind bars and getting routinely roughed up by the criminal elements in jail (who knew?)

Ken tries to charm some hairdressing stories out of Claudia under false pretenses and although he is found out, she eventually agrees.

And now for a few lines from the week that was

Ken's pompous short story is criticized by Daniel:
"You described an old pair of socks as sudoriferous"
(I think I need some acetylsalicylic acid) 

Sally's cellmate objects to Sal's meditation:
"It's like sharing a cell with an asthmatic buffalo"
(Give me a home where the Buffalo 'Om')

Abi to Steve while practicing:
"You're holding woman, not moving a fridge"
(think of Abi as a fridge magnet)

Tracy to Steve regarding the unsatisfactory food tasting:
"Mary found a downstairs hair in the tagine"
(I guess you could say the carpet matched the crepes)

Sally's review of Tim's favourite movie:
"...it was the equivalent of a mental enema"
(she only gave it one stool, er... star)

***
Well, Bistro Buddies, so ends another week and I'm late (I blame the turkey. It makes you sleepy). Anyhoo, thanks for stopping by nonetheless and have a great week!

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the despicable two-faced jellyfish edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Question: How many Battersbys does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Ask Imram.

I jest but there's nothing funny about Imram's randy duplicity at the expense of Toyah and Leanne both of whom seem to be having it off with the libidinous lawyer and have popped by the office on several occasions to review his briefs.

It is Sally who is Imram's undoing. She spills the beans and Leanne and Toyah make Imram pay... for dinner at the Bistro. Imram is now motivated to defend Duncan and win his case against Sally.

In non-threesome news, the case of Liz's long lost daughter is revealed to be a scam. Seems this is a vendetta plot hatched by Big Jim McDonald and his unlikely love interest Hannah (also the faux daughter) to extract cash from poor Liz. Liz seems to believe the cock and bull story while Steve and Tracy are skeptical.

Tyrone appears to have tracked down his grandmother, a sharp tongued, ingrate named Evelyn with a skinny dog named Cerberus. As you may recall from your Greek mythology, Cerberus was the unpleasant multi-headed mutt that stood guard at the gates of the Underworld.

Speaking of Underworld, seems Carla has (unknowingly) hired the mother of imprisoned thug-in-training Tyler (the kid who was terrorizing Simon). This seems to be a deal breaker for Peter who now wants to withdraw his money from the factory.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Sally tells Toyah and Leanne what she thinks of Imram:
"a despicable two-faced jellyfish" 
(alternative aquatic epithet: a flounder bounder)

Toyah to Imram:
"You've just bagged yourself a couple of Battersbys"
(Did he have a Groupon for that?)

Steve to Hannah:
"Apparently you're my dead sister Katie"
(nice to meet you)

Evelyn comments on Tyrone and Fiz's house:
"Whoever lived here must have been a simpleton"
(thanks, grandma!)

Toyah to Imram during the sexual encounter:
"Vegetarians only account for one out of every 60 people in this country"
(stop, you're turning me on)

Sally to Leanne and Toyah:
"If I said, 'who's sleeping with Imran, who'd blush first?'"
(it would be a tie)

***
Well, Weatherfield Wanderers, so ends another week. Too bad Ryan didn't get rich on Bitcoin but then he would have just spent all the money. Seems he also has a lowlife pal who is working as a dishwasher at the Bistro and ogling Michelle. Hmm. Oh well. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: The Return of Jim McDonald edition (so it is)

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


Catch yourself up, he's back, so he is. The Big Man from the Big House waltzes into the Rovers, interrupts Steve's stag night bold as brass, and lays one heck of a revelation on poor old Liz.

Seems that their baby (whom all believed was dead at the hospital after birth) could actually be alive and well and in Weatherfield (sitting in the Bistro, so she is). Could it be true? Jim has the DNA test to prove it and, after all, hospital mix ups are quite common in Britain's NHS (just look at Ali and Ryan, switched at birth). In fact it's a minor miracle that anyone in Weatherfield actually gets the right baby. But I digress.

Josh is blind and in hospital and Billy has been visiting him regularly until Bethany finds out and is angry that he's giving comfort to the man who raped her brother. Billy promises not to visit Josh anymore but does anyway.

Carla tries to set up Peter and Toyah in order to avoid getting anymore warm thoughts about ol' Pete but it doesn't work. Then Toyah walks into the law office and bumps into Imram... horizontally if you get my drift. Well that's awkward since Imram is also having it off with Toyah's sister (where does he get the time to present his briefs?)

Speaking of briefs, Sally's lawyer, Paula, takes a shine to Sophie. Seems they play for the same team even though Sal (who is blissfully unaware) decides to set up Paula and Kevin on a date.

Audrey tries to re-introduce Casanova Con man Lewis back into the Platt family enclave but Gail's not having it. She walks out.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Toyah to Imram:
"Do you only represent sleazeballs?"
(guilty as charged)

Jim to Steve:
"You'd be surprised what you learn in the big house"
(besides weightlifting and sewing mailbags?)

Jim is surprised to learn that Steve is marrying Tracy, again:
"Why in the name of God is he marrying the Antichrist?"
(I think you answered your own question)

Bethany is introduced to Lewis Archer:
"Lewis as in thieving scumbag Lewis?"
(On his business card it says 'Sir Scumbag')

Sally in response to Tim's advances:
"I do not make booty calls"
(especially not in the Conservatory)

Tracy to Steve:
"I would never murder your Dad"
(thanks for clearing that up)

***
Well, Bistro Buddies, so ends another week. Sorry about the recent skiving. Here's hoping that Jim McDonald manages to stay out of jail this time around. Enjoy the week ahead and thanks so much for visiting the Hip. Cheers!

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Valley of the Stars edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Looks like Tyler finally got his comeuppance and got arrested after taking to social media to brag about the way he conned the court into acquitting him.

Good news for Simon who was being terrorized by the young yob and good news for Peter who was attacked by Tyler with a paint gun. Oh and it seems that Carla, despite her protestations, still harbours feelings for Peter.

Elsewhere, Gail discovers that Audrey is pretending to take a cruise on the fictitious Valley of the Stars cruise ship with former conman Lothario Lewis. Gail discovers the ruse and is not amused that Audrey is back together with Lewis.

Sean seems to be getting his life back together as he returns to his job at Underworld.

Young Jack returns to Coronation Street but is underwhelmed by his welcome home party even though legendary soccer superstar Tommy Orpington makes a guest appearance.

Angie and Jude are finito. The last straw is the ill-fated renewal of wedding vows at Speed Daal. It's Mary's idea but Jude goes along with it and Angie is not amused. Even less amused when she discovers that Jude knew all about the plan and then lied about it. In fact, lying seems to be a bad habit with the former fake marine biologist turned newsagent.

However Jude does manage to save Roy after Roy is attacked by a bee and requires immediate EpiPen assistance. So maybe there's hope for Jude yet.

And now for a few lines from last week:

Sally and her lawyer have something in common:
"I have a gay daughter who's a lesbian"
(what are the chances?)

Gail to Audrey:
"Most of my relationships have ended in disaster"
(true)

Roy to flat mate Carla:
"I shall be out tonight bat watching in Bolton"
(bats and weather permitting)

***
Well, fellow cobble-eros, so ends another week. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week!


Saturday, September 1, 2018

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Duncan Donuts edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...


More bad news for Sally Metcalfe (her ciabatta hors d'oeuvres are soggy?)

A mysterious cellphone is discovered in her gutter. Gina tries to hide it (the phone not the gutter) but the police arrive and Evil Duncan seems to have framed Sal so well that even Tim is having doubts about Sally's claim that she never had an affair with Dunc.

Jenny is determined to spruce up the Rovers now that she and Johnny are running the joint. Carla reluctantly accepts Peter's investment cash so she can buy Underworld but then ol' Pete decides he wants a job at the factory (smoke break supervisor?)

Sean continues to hide the fact that he's homeless even when he runs into Rev Billy at the Soup Truck. Billy goes to the hospital to see Josh who's blind and holds Billy responsible.

In the 'you can't keep a good (con) man down' department, Audrey visits Lewis in prison. He insists that he's making amends, paying back Gail for money he ripped off and now wanting Audrey to go out - when he gets out.

Gail is working for Gary. Leanne is working for Imran. Although Gail and Gary didn't have it off beforehand (unlike Leanne and Imran).

Speaking of Imran, his Dad died. He and Rana are very upset. Rana even more so because she lied about her relationship with Kate in order to be allowed to see her Dad before he passed away and is now keeping up the charade as the family mourns, and now her Mom wants to move back home.

Now for a few lines from the week that was:

Audrey to Claudia re: Lewis
"He even looks dapper in a prison uniform"
(a three-piece jumpsuit?)

Leanne to Imran regrading their legover:
"The interview did take an unusual turn"
(i.e. more LinkedUp than LinkedIn)

Audrey to Gail:
"I've won a cruise around the Norwegian fjords"
(l hear it's lovely in the dead of Winter)

Carla to the factory girls:
"Who'd have thought I'd be running my favorite knicker factory again"
(Not me)

***
Well Corrie Comrades, so ends another week with Sally's predicament getting worse and Sean's predicament also getting worse. I fear that Jude and Angie will not settle their differences even with the dubious intervention of Mary. Have a great week and thanks for stopping by!