Saturday, July 13, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the pen-is mightier than the lighthouse edition

your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Let's start with Steve who is feeling decidedly sorry for himself as it's his birthday and no surprise party is planned by Tracy. In  fact, the only celebratory gesture was a nice manscaping kit from Amy and some early morning um... "flossing" from Tracy (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

Steve also has a great idea for a start-up business which involves renting out Tiny the Horse as an erstwhile unicorn for children's parties. No-one is enthused about this.

Elsewhere Robert is still doing his two-timing tango, stringing along Vicki and Michelle with custom-designed lies. Only Ryan seems to be suspicious of Robert's mysterious movements.

Things are getting decidedly creepy between Geoff and Yasmeen. First Geoff sabotages Ryan's mixing equipment and the blame falls on Yasmeen. Then, when Yasmeen is mugged, Geoff tries to keep her under a sort of smarmy house arrest. I know there have been a lot of villains on Corrie but, between you and me, this Geoff fella really gets my goat with his controlling behaviour and his cringeworthy quips.

The latest salvo comes when jewelry and photos are stolen from Yasmeen's house and Geoff blames two of Alya's friends. Then Alya sees Geoff getting out of his car and accidentally dropping a stolen necklace and she knows something is up.

Nick and Paula prepare for court while Leanne mounts a charm offensive, inviting Audrey and Gail over for tea. On the way over, Audrey takes a funny turn. Not sure what it might be. David and Shona are making wedding plans despite David's impending court date.

Maria is looking for love in all the wrong places. She hits rock bottom at a hen night with Audrey and Gail (they sure get around) but then it seems that there may be sparks between her and Dr. Ali.

Sarah and Gary have a heated argument which ends by Sarah telling him to stay away.

Meanwhile, a few post-Rick problems have come up. First, Rick's daughter shows up looking for him. Second, customers keep contacting Gary because they're looking for the (deceased) Rick in order to borrow money.

Finally Gary decides it's easiest just to lend the punters money only with more reasonable payment terms than evil Rick. I guess he's basically becoming a bank. Barclays, watch out!

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Audrey to Nick:
"Don't rip the family apart. Don't be a two faced liar"
(... and don't go jogging without stretching first)

Nick explains the penile-shaped charm he bought for Leanne's charm bracelet:
"It's a lighthouse"
(you can see it from quite a distance) 

Leanne tells Nick to stop fussing about how she'll handle Audrey:
"I'm not trying to cop off with her"
(although that would be an unusual story line)

Steve blames Tracy for his sorry state on his birthday:
"Thanks for making me feel like the biggest waste of space in the world"
(Aw shucks, you did most of the work yourself)

Gail offers man advice to Sarah:
"A decent fella must be treated like a nice pair of heels"
(unless he's a serial killer or a con man)

Steve thinks he has a great idea for a business:
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build your own door"
(...and leave)

So, patient punters, we end another week. Don't know about you but I can't stand Geoff. I feel sorry for Tim having him as a Dad. Ah well. Thanks as always for stopping by and have a great week. Cheers!

Sunday, July 7, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the residual feelings edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Stop me if you've heard this one before. A Corrie guy is having it off with two women at the same time and decides that the best way forward... is to continue leading both of them on simultaneously.

It's so brilliant, I'm surprised Einstein wasn't oscillating between two legovers while discovering relativity.

Of course, Einstein wasn't doing that because it's incredibly plank headed. Which brings me to Robert, a veteran liar and expert teller of porkies.

On the one hand Michelle wants to get back together with him. Excellent. On the other hand Vicki wants to be with him and have a baby (a longtime desire of ol' Robbie). Also excellent. There's only one solution. Tell the truth? Nah. Better to run back and forth between the two women inventing cock and bull stories to cover one's tracks.

Oh, but look at me prattling on when I've buried the lede. Literally.  Gary meets Rick the Loanshark in the woods with a shovel. They get into a fight. Yatta yatta yatta. Gary ends up alive. Rick ends up in the shrubbery... if you catch my drift. He is now an ex-loan shark and has shuffled off this mortal coil... into the soil.

Gary is somewhat shaken by this turn of events. He gets rough with Sarah. Meanwhile Sarah is going full tilt with Adam much to the chagrin of Gail. Gary thinks he may have lost his gold medallion at the grave site but, phew, Bethany finds it at the Platt house. Crisis averted... except that he killed Rick. Hmm. Could be a problem.

Seems Roy's mother had a long affair with a fella and Roy has discovered the truth. Now he's made peace with this family history and embarks on a quest to scatter his late Mom's ashes and see Carla.

The family feud between the Baileys and the Barlows seems to be over and now Steve, Tim and Kev have learned that James is an up-and-coming football star and have become groupies/stalkers.

Sinead is nervous about her scan results and Beth's photo of baby Harry has made it to the Weatherfield Gazette. Gemma is thinking of monetizing her quads.

Geoff continues to be singularly annoying and dominating towards Yasmeen. Steve is being extra-useless as he can't drive a cab. can't run Streetcars and now finds a way to stab himself with thistles while working at the flower shop.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Alya notices the two crustaceans on Geoff's lap.
"You've got crabs"
(that's one explanation)

Eileen's description of Steve after his disastrous flower shop internship:
"Spanner "
(Canadian translation: wrench - but in any language he's a tool)

Robert explains to Vicki why Michelle is still in the picture:
"I think she might have residual feelings for me" 
(the wedding plans and sex are a bit of a giveaway)

Izzy debunks the definition of a successful man:
"Unless you've got money and a bimbo girlfriend, you're nothing"
(ahh, but nothing with money and a bimbo girlfriend)

Hail, fellow Weatherfield watchers. Sorry for the delay in posting. No excuse except for mucho skiving. Thanks as always for stopping by and have a great week. Cheers!

Saturday, June 29, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Mr. Biscuits edition

your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

I'm no horse therapist, but even I can see that Tim's er.. attachment to Tiny is a little, as we say in equine psychiatry, "unstable". And, as for Sally dressing up in a "50 Shades of Hay" motif, well the less said, the better.

But the key point is that Sally got rid of Tiny (which brought back traumatic memories of Tim's beloved dog, Mr. Biscuits - don't ask). Sally then got on her horse and retrieved the horse when she discovered Tim's PTSD (Post Tiny Distress Syndrome).

Onward to the new family on the Street. Meet the Baileys, probably the first nuclear family to move in since the arrival of the Macdonalds.

Nice couple and a couple of nice lads, one was involved in that altercation with Steve in the taxi and the other tries it on with Michelle.

All this while renovations cause a world of inconvenience for Ken not to mention an accidental hole in the wall through which Mrs. Bailey (Aggie) spies Kenneth in his "natural" habitat (i.e. sans kimono). Claudia then enters the fray and ratchets up the tension.

Speaking of Michelle, she asks Robert to get back together. Robert agrees but then has to break off his relationship with Vicki who is, it seems, pregnant.

Slick lawyer/ladies man Adam has ditched Nick as a client so he can focus his er.. attention on Sarah. A lot of attention. Not only does Adam help Sarah with her management of Underworld but he arranges for a lusty legover at a swanky hotel. But, oh oh, Gary is tracking them down to warn Sarah about loan shark Rick who is out there and on the prowl.

Leanne uses David's phone to lure Natalie out of hiding. After some discussion, Natalie leaves the country so cannot be a witness for David or point the finger at Nick.

Oh, and it seems that Roy's mother had an affair. So the mystery of the engraved ring is solved.

And now for a few lines from the week that was.

Sally to Tim:
"How can you tell when a horse is depressed?"
(he seems un-stable?)

Evelyn re: Tracy:
"She has all the appeal of a tramp's handshake"
(and none of the charm)

Michael makes a t-shirt to publicize his new app:
"Have you got the clap?"
(I hope not)

Tim's recounts his erotic equine dream to Sally:
"I was bare chested, his mane was flapping"
(Was Stormy Daniels involved?)

Sally to Tim:
"Are you in love with a horse?"

Well, fellow Street Savants, so ends another week. Thanks so much for stopping by and have a great weekend. Happy Canada Day (although no Corrie on Monday)!

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Tammy Wynette of Weatherfield edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Old Nick Tilsley is doing more fancy footwork than Michael Flatley in Riverdance.

Although he is on the hook for stealing money from his Gran, Nick is trying to put the blame on David and even convinces Leanne to stand by him and support his phony story. He does this by listing some of Leanne's past foibles including burning down a restaurant to claim the insurance money (it could happen to anyone).

On the other side of the coin, David tries to make amends by signing over the barber shop to Audrey. Audrey is somewhat appeased by the gesture but puts Maria in charge of Trim up North.

Now, before the case goes to court, the race is on to track down Natalie and convince her to be a witness. Leanne has the inside track because she stole David's phone and texted a sweet (but fake) declaration of love to Nat who seems interested. Meanwhile Gail is trying to show equal love and support for each of her dodgy progeny.

Over at Underworld, Sarah makes it clear that Nick is not welcome even though he owns the factory. Sarah also tries to keep Gary at arms length which means friends without benefits.

And what of Norris? Seems that Nozzer is leaving for Scotland with his new squeeze, Freda. Judging from her Susan Boyle-sque power ballad, Mary is heartbroken (BTW wish I could get one of those specialty Norris balloons from his going away party).

Over at the Quad Squad, Ches and Gemma try to figure out how they're going to cope with four sprogs. We know one thing: they won't be staying at Rita's.

On the equine front, seems the horse syndicate is rapidly falling apart as Sinead and Jenny have dropped out. Now it's left to Sally and Yasmeen to clean up the mess (literally).

Dev is moving ahead with his plans to visit India with the kids although Asha is less than thrilled. Evelyn seems to have the landed the job of filling in for Dev at the corner shop while he's away.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Gail indicates that she is staying neutral with regard to David and Nick's court case:
"Basically I'm Switzerland"
(how lucky for Roger Federer)

Liz describes how people view her relationship with Jim:
"The Tammy Wynette of Weatherfield"
(Stand by your man)

Mary observes Norris with his Olympic volunteer medal:
"I see that you're fiddling with your Medallion"
(Please! Not in public)

Nick to the police:
"I'm no saint"
(thanks for clearing that up)

Sally re: wages from Underworld:
"They better be paying us, I've got horse to feed"
(that's no way to talk about Tim)

Norris to Mary re: Brendan:
"He wooed you with his talk of paranormal activity"
(a Roswell Romeo)

Well, fellow Street people, so ends another week. Norris and Freda? A happy couple? Frankly, I don't see it myself. Oh well. Thanks for stopping by. Sorry about the skiver-related delay in posting and have a great week. Cheers!

Saturday, June 15, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the missing horse edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Is Nick Tilsley the easiest Corrie character to mimic?
"Er, ye-ah, 'cause he's a real role model for how to rip off his grandma."

Yes, the truth comes out (well some of it). Super sleuth Gail figures out that Natalie was the thief who stole Audrey's money (not Lewis). David spills the beans to Audrey in order to convince Shona that Natalie was a partner in crime, not legovers.

But the damage is done. Audrey is horrified and devastated to know that her beloved Lewis died under a cloud of suspicion.

Meanwhile Nicko is in damage control mode ("er, yeah! duh!") He tries to make a deal with David: Davey takes the rap for the theft and Nick gives him his half of the barber shop. Hmm! David reluctantly agrees but the "papers" are left in the shop as the coppers arrive to arrest David and Nick.

Poor old Gary gets another beating from Rick the loan shark. Gary manages to avoid death and deletes an incriminating voicemail which he left on Sarah's phone. That and his furtive looks indicate that he was more involved in the factory roof collapse than we originally thought.

Sally's horse destroys the backyard. Dev learns that his Uncle is dying. Gemma is experiencing morning sickness. Carla's woes continue and she is finally taken to hospital. She will now go to a rehab institute but the only bed is quite far away.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Guest lawyer whom Sally is hosting:
"I've had my picture in Horse and Hound"
(under which rubric?)

Abi to Sally and Tim who are looking for their missing equine:
"How do you lose a horse?"
(with unbridled enthusiasm)

Well, fellow cobbleros, so ends another week. We're back to the regular schedule of Corrie so all is right with the world.  Although I'm sure poor Audrey would disagree. Thanks so much for stopping by and have a great week.

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Coronation Street Catch-Up: the Great Gormless Lump edition

your one-stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

You know it's a bad week when the highlight is a song by budding music idol (idle?), Kirk who debuts his number one hit single about his and Beth's mutual love of dogs: A Nice Pair of Puppies.

I'm afraid it all goes downhill from there.

Toyah and Imran pretend to break up as a ruse for Toyah to move back in with Leanne and acquire proof that Nick is behind the factory roof collapse. Leanne figures out the ruse and gives Toyah the heave ho.

Sarah tells Leanne that Nick may have got his mystery money from a loan shark (the famous Rick). The three unwise women (Toyah, Leanne and Sarah) decide to break into Chez Rick, knock his bouncerette employee unconscious and make off with the ledger. Alas they can't find any evidence to suggest that Nick got his money from a loan shark, however Leanne still thinks he's hiding the truth.

Meanwhile Steve and Tim's bromance turns sour over their failing Streetcars business. After getting into an altercation with three youths, Steve loses his taxi licence and operators licence, Liz, Eileen and Tracy take matters into their own hands and decide to take over the business. First priority for the testy triumvirate is to get an app to compete with the Uber-like GoLucky taxi service.

Bethany gets Gary a job working for Nick. Natalie snogs David and, when knocked back, tells David that she may yet spill the beans about the money she helped Nick steal from Audrey.

Sally decides to rekindle her love of horse riding which leads to her, Yasmeen, Sinead and Jenny to buy some equine equity, a quarter horse, so to speak. 

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Sally to Yasmeen, Jenny and Sinead:
"We are the proud owners of Pericles"
(she bought it from KiGeeGee)

Tim disapproves of Sally's horse riding hobby:
"I know you like poncing around with the Cheshire set"
(or even around the conservatory)

Eileen to Tracy & Liz re: Steve:
"Sometimes Steve can be a great gormless lump"
(GGL for short)

Sally reveals the secrets of horse riding:
"You have to become one with the animal"
(Just ask Princess Anne)

Steve to Tim:
"You silly, bald man"

Well, patient punters, so ends another week with some goofy stories, B&E's, and a horse. And what happened to Norris? We need him now more than ever. Thanks for stopping by and spending some time here at the Hip. Have a great week and enjoy the arrival of summer!

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Coronation Street Catch Up: the knickers as ankle warmers edition

your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Just a regular week on the Street.

Steve's cab is hijacked by a psychopathic armed robber with a knife. Carla is finally found and taken to hospital. Roy calls Peter who leaves rehab to see her, which angers Ken. Roy lets Peter and Carla stay at his flat but Carla doesn't trust Roy, so Roy winds up staying with Ken.

Streetcars is in financial trouble but apps are expensive so how they can possibly compete in the world of Uber, especially when Tim is busy doing yoga and Steve is slouched in a chair eating biscuits all day or being being terrorized by a psycho?

Seb is perplexed by Alina's mercurial ways and the fact that she seems fearful of her boss. Adam is back on the Street for reasons which seem unclear.

Nick doesn't want to hand over the financial accounts for Trim Up North, lest the coppers discover where the money for the shop came from (i.e. Audrey's bank account). Seems like the Tilsey/Platt brothers are starting to panic.

Still on the topic of barbers and panic, Natalie finally convinces David to let her do some real hair styling, starting with an unsuspecting hipster and his substantial beard. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Kirkie's musical gifts are discovered by an agent during the Rovers Talent Night and he's chuffed until Beth reveals that the agent is looking for comedy acts - but ultimately Kirk decides to forge ahead anyway. His lyrical insights into kicker packing and other human foibles demand a wider audience.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Liz walks in on Tim while doing some exercises:
"Were you doing yoga?"

Immortal Lennon-McCartneyesque lyrics of Kirk's songs:
"You soul, my soul, our soul"
"Your puppies make my blood hound"
"That's why we pack knickers" 

(Ed Sheeran, eat your heart out)

Geoff tells a magician anecdote to Emma:
"and the ferret came out the bottom of my trouser leg"
(I hope he's still talking about magic)

Evelyn chastises Beth for not appreciating her painting:
"It's abstract cubism, you philistine"
(one might say: Oh Pollocks)

Tracy insults Liz:
"That's rich coming from someone who uses her knickers as ankle warmers"
(I hear it's quite fashionable in some countries)

Tracy berates Steve on his lack of cojones:
"How you managed to knock up half the street is beyond me"
(Bionic sperm, I believe) 

Well, Would-be Weatherfielders, so ends another week. Poor old Roy. Not even welcome in his own home. Nice to see Adam back. That certainly ups the beefcake factor on the Street, if nothing else. Thanks so much for the pleasure of your company and have a great week.