Saturday, August 12, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Kosher garlic bread edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Look who's back on the scene. Tracy and Amy have surfaced just in time for Tracy to set up a play date for Amy with young Summer who is now living with Todd and Billy, following a showdown between Billy and Summer's mean Grandma.

Toyah is inconsolable after learning that her latest round of IVF has not worked. Not only that but her fertility clinic specialist tells her that she has a minimal chance of pregnancy and recommends no further IVF. The fact that Leanne keeps updating Peter on the situation doesn't help. Oh, and Leanne just received 25,000 pounds from Nick.

Liz has workplace problems as she deals with officious workplace bully boss, Moira. Over at Sally's, Gina has received a bunch of forwarded mail which could be unpaid bills.

Troubles mount at the Bistro. Daniel writes an article for the Weatherfield Gazette about the front- stabbing of Chesney. Bistro business takes an immediate dive, Legal weasel Adam convinces Ches to let him put the squeeze on Robert for compo.

Robert goes AWOL on a gambling and drinking binge while a vandal spray paints the restaurant which terrifies Michelle. And, to make matters worse, an arsonist throws a Molotov cocktail at the Bistro.

Since they're pretending to be married (in order to win a contest), Mary cuts to the chase and proposes to Norris. Meanwhile, over at the Grimshaw's, Eileen prepares some authentic Jewish cuisine for Nicola who comes by to collect a DNA sample from Phelan for a paternity test. Oy Vey!

 And now a few lines from the week that was:

Headline of Gazette article about the Bistro stabbing:
"No go Bistro"
(seems people with reservations... have reservations)

Robert upon learning that Adam is representing Chesney
"He better be useless as I think he is"
(don't worry; he is)

Mary to Norris:
"Norris Cole, will you marry me?"
(till contest do us part)

Alya is disgusted to discover that Eva is getting an office job at Underworld:
"Does anybody round here get a job on merit?" 
(No)

Todd looks over Eileen's quasi-kosher spread:
"That old Jewish favourite: garlic bread"
(like manna from Freshcos)

Liz's parting speech at the Rovers:
"I have loved every minute of working here"
(we've loved it too)

***

Well, Corrie Compadres, so ends another week with the Bistro in turmoil and under attack. Toyah is distraught. Liz is suffering under the reign of terror of Moira. Gail is snippy because of Nick's largesse to Leanne. Todd and Billy are learning how to be parents of a teenager. Oy vey, again! Have a great week and thanks for stopping by. 

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Litter Enforcement Officer edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

It's official. Brian is the most annoying character ever to walk the cobbles on Coronation Street.

The late Derek Wilton and Norris are positively charming sophisticates compared with bumptious Brian.

His latest officious stunt? Using a megaphone to shame litterbugs and issue fines in his role as Litter Enforcement Officer (LEO). He nabs poor old Roy who accidentally drops a piece of paper. Cathy mediates and the matter is resolved but not before Brian annoys half the Street (she could do better).

But the real story this week is the end of an era at the Rovers. Liz prepares to make her final exit from behind the bar and Steve is packing up and moving on. In come Peter Barlow (former connoisseur of fine spirits) and Toyah.

Luke, Kate and Alya are doing their "Three's Company" thing at the flat which ends up with Luke trying to kiss Alya. He apologizes afterwards but it seems that Alya is falling for him.

Bethany is taking slow steps forward thanks to Craig's support. When Bethany discovers that Craig plans to quit the police, she urges him to stay on. Later there is a nasty exchange between Slimeball Neil and Craig during which Neil admits to his crimes and Craig records the confession.

Plattwise, Shona is helping David find other victims of Nathan and they succeed in finding a young girl but convincing her to help won't be easy.

Nicola wants Phelan to do a DNA test to see if he's really her Dad (maybe she can get out of it on a technicality?) It's like ancestry.com - if your ancestry was 75% Attila the Hun.

Meanwhile the Aidan revenge plan moves into high gear as Adam gets involved and finds a way to have Eva get all of Aidan's assets.

And now a few lines from the week that was:

Neil to Craig re: the truth about his involvement with Nathan:
"If any of this comes out I'll ruin you"
(don't lose that tape recording, Craig)

Audrey to Liz as she prepares to leave the Rovers:
"It's the end of an era"
(everyone - except Peter - raise a glass)

Phelan to Nicola re: his fondness for nature programs:
"I think I've got an affinity with wolves"
(you certainly know how to tell a 'pack' of lies)

Eva confides in her cat about Aidan:
"Daddy is a lying, cheating scumbag"
(and he hates cats)

Brian tells Todd about his new job:
"The powers that be have added litter to my duties"
(sounds like utter rubbish)

Adam to Eva on why she's pretending not to know about Aidan's affair:
"You're acting dumb for the sake of your baby?"
(well, partly for the sake of her baby)

***

Well, fellow Street Savants, so ends another week. Fingers crossed that Craig can do something with that tape recording of Neil's confession. And perhaps someone will stick Brian's megaphone some place where the sun doesn't shine (I mean the viaduct, of course). Cheers and have a great week!

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the cheap, nasty slapper edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

It's the anniversary of Kylie's death and the occasion is being commemorated with ice cream and t-shirts.

Now that charges have been dropped against Nathan, people are getting angry. Craig says he wants to quit the police department after Bethany reveals that Sergeant Slime (Neil) was part of the sex ring. Neil tries to cover up by telling Craig he was working undercover.

Meanwhile Gary and Sarah try to convince Mel to testify and then stumble onto Shona who is trying to convince another one of Nathan's victims to go the police.

Eva continues to rack up expenses as a way of exacting revenge on Aidan. Next purchase? A house. Meanwhile Aidan finds out that Johnny has MS. At the same time, Johnny and Jenny are back together and plans are steaming ahead for the wedding.

Kev ponders some afternoon delight with Erica but has a change of heart and confesses everything to Anna. They decide to move on and make their relationship work but not before Anna marks Erica's cards. Erica is meanwhile not happy with Dev and decides to break it off (so much for cheap and cheerful).

And, it's the changing of the guard at the Rovers as Peter (former alcoholic) and Toyah (former Battersby) take over (what could do wrong?) Liz has a new job at the medical clinic but her reception skills seems a bit (how you say) awful.

Norris and Mary are pretending to be married so they can win a round-the-world trip in order for Mary to visit her son in South Africa (ever hear of Expedia?)

And now for a few lines from last week:

Liz to Rita about her first day at the clinic:
"I haven't killed anyone yet"
(there's still time)

Liz's boss to Liz upon seeing her good luck doll:
"Is this your troll?"
(no, Steve's back at the Rovers)

Mary gives Norris a book about...
"My wants, needs, idiosyncrasies and bathroom habits"
(maybe skip the chapter about bathroom habits)

Anna to Erica:
"You're nothing but a cheap, nasty slapper"
(hey now, she's not cheap)

Rosie to Anna:
"The first time I saw Erica I thought she was a drag queen"
(cage au folly) 

Erica to Kev
"I'll be in the bar at 4 o'clock"
(a.m. and p.m.)
***
Well, fellow cobble-eroes, so ends another week. Craig is my hero. Let's hope he can deal with Nasty Neil. And who's that friend of Gary who just turned up? Could be trouble. I guess we'll see. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week!

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Otter Hound commemorative plate edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

Hey, have you heard the one about the two knuckleheads who open a law practice?

Yes, it's Grimshaw and Barlow, quasi attorneys at law. Seems both were called to the bar (if the bar is the Rovers). Note that (in contrast to stringent amusement park regulations) customers under 1.4 metres are admitted. 

The litigious layabouts open their "office" (thanks to blackmail cash from Aidan) and already have their first customer: Summer. She wants to sue the hospital for mistreatment of her Dad.  So their client base consists entirely of children? What's next? Will Eccles be trotting in next week to sue Ken?   

On to more serious matters. Poor Chesney steps into the Bistro only to be stabbed by Robert's ex drug dealer. Seems Ches will recover and he's happy to see Sinead at his bedside. Robert comes clean to Michelle about his past and helps the cops nab Rich.

Todd and Billy have this great plan to crash the funeral of Billy's ex. Unlike Vince Vaughan and Owen Wilson, these funeral crashers don't succeed so well and Summer is upset as are the evil grandparents who tell the twosome to get lost.

The somewhat tedious Eva revenge drama continues as Eva, and now Leanne, work hard to punish Aidan's infidelity by feigning pregnancy (Eva not Leanne) and racking up monster charges on Aidan's credit card (but, hey, think of the travel points). Their latest purchase is a pink SUV. What's his credit limit anyway? 

Speaking of relationships, Jenny meets dishy Matthew Singh for a drink, egged on by Gemma who thinks Johnny is having it off with Liz. Not so and Johnny finally confesses to Jenny that he's been diagnosed with MS.

Things remain tense between Kev and Anna, as Kev slaps on the aftershave and heads off to a potentially awkward dinner with Dev and Erica

Both Bethany and Sarah are devastated to learn that Nathan has been released and he won't be prosecuted due to a lack of evidence and Bethany remains traumatized by Nasty Neil, the bent copper.

Sally's sister, Gina, spent a lot of money on a plate. It ain't nothing but a hound dog (plate). Nice picture of an Otter Hound though. Apparently it's a collectible.

And a few lines from last week:

Todd & Adam's business card:
"Where there's blame, there's a claim"
(where's there's proof, there's a goof)

Eva to Aidan re: her condition:
"I'm up to here with morning sickness"
(so are we)

Eva to Maria
"You're looking a bit hags"
(must be all that sex with Aidan)

Robert tells Michelle the truth about Rich:
"He used to be my dealer"
(I didn't know you played cards)

***
Well Corrie co-conspirators, so ends another week on the Street. So glad that Chesney is recovering. Poor lad never seems to catch a break. Have a great week and thank you for stopping by. Always makes my day to have visitors. Cheers.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the cheating rat edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street -

Wait, there's a Phelan Junior? Say it ain't so. That's worse than a Rocky sequel.

Yes, it seems that the Phelonius Phelan may have a sprog. According to the Satanic Slaphead, Seb's caseworker (Nicola) is likely Pat's daughter. Nicola is not amused. Eileen is sympathetic. 

Robert's in a spot of bother as his shady past (aka Rich the drug dealer) returns to haunt him and wants the bistro to be a money-laundering joint. 

Elsewhere, Eva has discovered Aidan's affair with Maria but opts to make Aidan pay rather than confront him. The plan is off to a good start as she tells the two-timer that she's pregnant and wants a very expensive engagement ring.

Tim is getting tried of having Gina in the house and she seems to take liberties with bacon, his tablet and online shopping. Chesney sees a window of opportunity with Sinead (now that she's broken up with Daniel) and takes her to a foreign movie.

Brian and Cathy try to hide their blossoming romance but are found out by Roy. It seems that Mary's son is not coming back to the U.K. after all much to Mary's disappointment.

Now for a few lines from last week:

Craig declines Bethany's offer of sex:
"I'll do anything you want but I won't do that"
(Good ol' Craigey)


Roy to Brian:
"You're a totally self absorbed person"
(and that's his best quality) 


Dating coach Gemma motivates Chesney:
"My name's Chesney and I'm a tiger"
(well, you're half right)


Leanne to Eva re: Aidan:
"Can you imagine having a kid with that cheating rat?"
(are we talking about Steve or Aidan?)


Phelan to Nicola:
"I think you're my daughter"
(Ouch! Talk about a Darth Vader moment)


Rich to Robert re: his murky history of drugs:
"Does she know about your shady past?"
(only the Tracy marriage bit)


Aidan to Eva:
"I want you to have whatever you want"
(revenge?)
***

Well, Corrie cohorts, that's it for the week. Next week promises more intriguing developments as Eva's revenge plan unfolds. Enjoy the week and thanks for stopping by. Cheers!

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Feeders and Farmers edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street

Geez. You leave town for a few weeks and all hell breaks loose on Coronation Street.

Nick's up to his neck in quicksand. Aidan's up to his neck in two-timing. Dev wins a Feeders and Farmers golf tournament. Bethany escapes from Nathan. Daniel's a stair-pusher and a drug user. Roy's gone bat spotting. Norris is acting nice.

Whew! Well, I guess the good news is that Bethany made a last minute escape from Nathan. The bad news is that Sergeant Slimeball (Neil) is at the police station ready to intimidate Bethany into staying quiet.

Elsewhere Dev forgets Erica's birthday in favour of some hi-jinks on the links in Scotland. That leaves Kevin to keep her company and indulge in Dev's pricey vino. Kev is suffering from Anna's anger at the fact that Faye has been consorting with Phelan and the newly-released Seb. Tim goes after Seb when he learns that Faye and Seb have had it off.

Aidan is being harassed by someone who has photos of him and Maria snogging in the ginnel. Brian and Cathy continue to keep Roy in the dark about their burgeoning and nauseating romance. Zeedan is not amused.

Just as Billy and Todd are getting to know Summer, Grandma Cruella deville swoops in and takes her grandchild away. And, speaking of the gay community, it seems that Fiz's old friend (Kim) is not interested in Fiz.

A few lines from the week that was:

Faye to Seb before they do the deed:
"I don't want to get pregnant again"
(yeah, we've already seen that story line)


Kev to Erica re: Dev's expensive tastes:
"70 quid for a bottle of wine!"
(and it doesn't even come in a box)


Yasmeen to Zeedan who finds one of Brian's socks in the house
"Perhaps Cathy was giving him a foot massage"
(now there's an unpleasant image)


Slimeball Sergeant Neil to Bethany:
"You're in a police station and you're not even safe"
(sad but true)


Summer to Billy re:Todd:
"Is he always this annoying?"
(yes)
***

Well faithful followers, it's good to be back. I spent a fair bit of time catching up on old episodes but I'm guessing that there's more action to come next week as events continue to unfold. Thanks for sticking around and thanks, as always, for stopping by and spending some time here at the Hip. Cheers!

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Number 1 Encore Post: Peter Barlow's seven sexy seduction lines

While I'm away, allow me to subject treat you to the most viewed post (by far) on Blanche's Polish Hip from March 2014, New posts will return later this week.

Let's get to it. Peter Barlow. Where does he get the time? Where does he get the energy? Where does he get the gall? And, most importantly, where on earth does he get those cheesy seduction lines? And, furthermore, why do they seem to work? In order to warn women everywhere (but mostly in Weatherfield), we present to you Peter Barlow's top seven seduction lines.

They are, of course, a closely guarded secret (like the recipe for Old Spice) but we spotted them interspersed among the various tattoos on the sub-mariner's, sub-par illustrated body. Beware and be warned:


1. "Here, let me get you out of those wet clothes"

2. "If I told Carla you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

3. "Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world! Still, they do look a bit wet so let me..."

4. "There's something wrong with my cellphone, baby: it doesn't have your number. Oh wait, here it is, right next to Carla's"

5. "Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by the smoking shelter again (as long as Carla isn't there)?"

6. "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this -- especially when Carla could arrive at any minute!"

7. "Your name must be Google because you're everything I've been searching for - but please delete your search history before Carla gets here."