Coronation Street Catch Up: the eight per cent Italian edition

 your one stop update on what happened last week on Canada's Coronation Street...

So Brian is Italian?

Well, eight per cent Italian, to be precise (think of it as a sort of genetic provincial sales tax).

No matter. Signor Brian is delighted to learn that the results of his DNA test show he has a piccolo of Italian heritage.  Molto Bene!  All of a sudden Bri is transformed into Mister Barista and tells Roy exactly what he thinks of the caf's espresso. Then il Fantastico pronounces Roy's lasagne to be lacking in oregano.

Alas, what goes up must come down. 

Brian's Venti-sized ego is deflated when it turns out that he can't tell Italian coffee from a Costa Rican blend. Still the Italian Stallion holds out hope that a long lost relative from the homeland (who emails him) will revive his Tuscan Testosterone.

Over at the Barlow's, things are not going well. After Amy went to the police to report her rape, the detective took her statement and asked some questions. Aaron was brought in to the police station for questioning, but ultimately no charges were laid because the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) didn't think there was enough evidence to get a conviction.

Tracy is incensed by this lack of action and puts up some generic protest posters. Somewhat inevitably, these are traced back to her so the circle of people who know about the rape is starting to expand. Tyrone decides to tell Aaron to stay off work for a few days. Abi (who is giving Aaron a place to stay) wants Aaron to tell her the truth. Aaron continues to insist that he is not a rapist. 

Summer believes Amy. Tracy goes back to the police station and glues her hand to the counter as a form of protest. Peter has a heart-to-heart with Amy. But ultimately all these events are doing Amy's head in. She is stressed and traumatized and starts to modify her truth and tells her parents that she may have overreacted.

More pain over at the hospital where Ryan doesn't want to see his injuries (and who can blame him?) after the acid attack. Alya makes another attempt to support him (after Daisy encourages her to go back to the hospital).

Elsewhere, the combination of Beth, Kirk and Craig are just too much for young Miley as she is taken aback by their raucous appearance during her visit with Faye and Tim. Afterwards, Faye apologies to Jackson (Miley's Dad) for the OTT behaviour of Beth et al.  Seems like Jackson and Faye are getting along quite well. Hmm.

Michael succeeds in causing Stephen a lot of grief. First, Michael contacts the American buyers and asks them to consider reviving their deal with Underworld. However, you will recall that it was Steve-o who actually cancelled the contract in order to keep Evil Elvis Costello (er, I mean Rufus) happy. 

But then Michael irritates Stephen again by blabbing about a big bonus to Beth who blabs to everyone. Stephen is not amused and has to use some fancy footwork to cover his tracks. So, bottom line, the American deal is back on - but Rufus wants a 25% share of the profits.

If that wasn't enough to make Stephen reach for the hole punch, it seems that Elaine is ready to move ahead with the plan for her and Stephen to co-purchase a nice love nest. Sadly, Steve-o tells her he no longer has the cash. No problemo. Elaine volunteers to cover his costs until he can repay her (or she gets too close to his hole punch) - whichever comes first.

As for Beth, she continues her dangerous dalliance with an old classmate (and Nick Lachey look-a-like), Marco.  Paul continues to be skint and is not happy about Dee Dee's generous efforts to tide him over (moneywise) until he can get back on his feet.

And now for some lines from the week that was:

Roy tries to console Brian about his real genetic makeup:

"You have, after all, lived for many years as yourself"

(stop it Roy, he feels bad enough as it is)

 Kirk comments on his foibles to Craig and Beth:
"All my idiotsyncrasies"

(O Sublime Sage!)

Stephen to Michael who blabbed about a big employee bonus:
"It's not about the bigginess"

(or the smalliness)

Peter has a heart-to-heart with Amy:
"The system has let you down"

(Indeed)

Elaine to Stephen re: their house co-purchase:
"I thought you were getting cold feet"

(no, just his victims)

Mary is concerned about a so-called Italian relative who emailed Brian:
"Isabella could be a big, hairy, mafioso kingpin masquerading as his distant cousin"

(now that's what I call a storyline!)

Mary to Brian re: his Italian:

"Arborio means rice - not tree"
(And a-"bore"-o means bore in any language)

Rita to Brian:

"All this Italian palaver, it's got out of hand"

(Si!)

Glenda to Beth re: Marco:

"Is he some middle-aged man trying to relive his youth?"

(Si!) 

Adam to Dee Dee re: Paul

"He's a scally from a family of scallies"
(I thought he was a Foreman from a family of Foremans)

***

Well, Weathy County Fans, so ends another week. Poor Amy. Poor Ryan. And a tip for Michael: stay away from Stephen and/or large-sized hole punches - both could be hazardous to your health. Thanks for stopping by and spending time at the Hip. Love to have your company here. Have a great week!