Saturday, March 16, 2013

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the tortoise apology edition

please note this post makes reference to the March 15 episode on CBC

Well, it's been a rough week. A few days ago I posted a eulogy for Eric and Flash. Now it seems that rumours of Flash's demise were wrong (although Eric has passed over to that great linoleum tile showroom in the sky). There were angry phone calls. Our lawyers (Slingya, Hook & Bard) have since advised me (due to pressure from Flash's people and the National Association of Tortoises) to issue an apology. So here goes: "I apologize for erroneously announcing the demise of Flash the Tortoise and for any undue pain or suffering I may have caused to Flash, his family and friends. As a token of my sincere regret, I have made a donation to the tip."

Now on with the memorable lines of the week in something we call TGIF or Tony Gordon It's Friday:

Mary is captivated by Eric's troubled demeanour:
"Brooding like an octogenarian Mr. Darcy"
(If 'Pride and Prejudice' were about linoleum)

Eva complains to Stella about her bad luck with men:
"I've been cheated on more times than I've had me nails done"
(You must have very nice nails) 

Eva discovers Eric in the Rovers:
"I think he's dead" 
(naw, he's just resting... like the Norwegian Blue)

Sylvia relates a grisly story related to a man who died while picking runner beans 
"Hit his head on the downspout, never woke up."
(Another gardening tragedy)

Gloria sees the chance for wealth after Eric's death:
"When God closes a door he opens a window"
(sounds like God hangs around the house a lot)

Eric's wife describes her husband's miserly ways:
"That man could squeeze a pound coin until the Queen's eyes bled"
(I'd hate to see the inside of his pockets)

Eric's wife is eager to get her hands on ther husband's estate...
"Now that he's gone to that vinyl flooring warehouse in the sky"
(So I'm guessing that hell would be a carpet showroom?)

Gloria thinks Eva's preparations for the funeral are getting out of hand:
"He'll be wanting a pyramid on the Red Rec next"
(Call it 'The Great Pyramid of Geezer')

Eileen tells Paul to ignore comments about his proposed charity strip tease:
"They'll soon run out of smutty remarks"
(No they won't)


Well, fellow fans of the Street, that's it for another week. I have a feeling that next week is going to be a good one. And please, someone ask Steve why he was wearing an oversize sock on his head at the caf. Inquiring minds want to know. Have a great weekend and I'll meet you back here next week. Cheers!


  1. When I saw Steve wearing the oversized sock I wondered who it was ?? some old woman?? Flashback of Ena Sharples I guess.
    Glad you apologized for misreporting the death of Flash. It can be so disconcerting when the media gets it wrong- just ask Gordon Lightfoot. On the other hand, paw? foot? it must be nice for Flash to read that he had a "good soul and wisdom beyond his years". It was a lovely eulogy. Keep the obit on file.

  2. Thanks so much for the comment and I'm glad I wasn't the only one who was shocked and surprised by the item on Steve's head. I wonder if Michelle knows?

  3. Steve wore the hat because he had a haircut between takes and was told it would wreck the continuity on the final product. Did look like Ena though. :-)

    here's a link to the story:

  4. Thanks for the comment and the additional info. I now feel a little chagrined at having maligned Steve's head wear but, as you say, he did bring back fashion flashbacks to Ena Sharples. All the best.