WANTED

suave, debonair, escort and con man with a penchant for travel, fine wine, charming the ladies and doing a runner after fleecing them.

wanted for: several counts of aggravated casanova-ism

goes by the name of: Lewis, Hugh, Lord Archer, the Duke of Swindle, Sir Chancealot, Mario the Lothario etc.

modus operandi: preys on unsuspecting woman and insinuates himself through charm, wit, scintillating conversation and plans to buy pricey foreign real estate in the EU

description: tall, distinguished, greying temples, handsome, well spoken. Approach with caution, he could be carrying a magnum... of champagne.

known haunts: Nick's Bistro, Audrey Roberts house, Deirdre Barlow's lips

last seen: in the club car of a train near Lille (not Lily), France

If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of this man, please contact the Weatherfield Police anti-gigolo hotline immediately at 1-800-NORRISCOLE.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the up-the-duff edition

please note this post makes reference to the October 25 episode on CBC

Tracy's womb certainly seems to be a powerful entity, if only it could be harnessed for the forces of good - rather than evil. Oh well, let's put Tracy's pregnancy aside for the moment and get down to a little something I like to call, Tony Gordon It's Friday. Off we go:

Ken insists that he is far too old for legovers:

"I"m 73 years old. I'm past any philandering"

(but not past a little Guaranteed Supplement, if you know what I mean)

Deirdre is suspicious of Ken and Wendy:

"I just rumbled you before you had a chance to show her your Kimono"

(the traditional mating ritual of the white haired male Barlow)

Sally facilitates a meeting between Michelle and Ryan using a prop:

"I think we should use this as a talking stick"

(too bad Rosie's not around or she would do just as well)

Michelle can't believe Ryan's naivete:
"Turns out you're thick as pudding"

(and half as useful)


Michelle reveals the happy news to Steve:
"Tracy Barlow's up the duff"

(getting pregnant is one of her best things)

Nick wants to ensure that Audrey searched everywhere for the missing Lewis:

"Did you check the whole train?"

(no just the odd numbered cars)


Tracy reveals the pregnancy news to a shocked Ryan:
"You must be extra virile or something"

(as opposed to Tracy who's just extra vile)


Deirdre to Wendy at the baked goods table:
"Where do you stand on Manchester tarts?"

(just below the lower back, I would imagine)


Michelle wants Steve to do something about Tracy:
"She's your psycho geriatric wife"

(yes, still crazy after all these years)

Kylie gives David a summary of Audrey's love life:
"Con men, trannies, she doesn't have much luck, your Gran."

(Just wait till you hear about Gail's past love life)


Norris points out Lewis's past exploits to Gloria:
"When he robbed Peter Barlow and used Deirdre as a lubricant"

(That's MRS Lubricant to you Norris)

Gloria assesses Norris' spy potential:
"He'd make a decent mole"

(she's referring to the animal, not the double agent)

***

Well, fellow Corriephiles, that's it for another week. A pretty good week, I'd say, with lots of action: Tracy pregnant (again), Ken on the prowl (again) and Lewis missing in 'action' (again). Poor Audrey. Poor Michelle. Poor Deirdre.  Time will only tell what's in store for them. Have a great weekend and I'll be back next week. Cheers.

In defence of Ken Barlow

please note: this post makes reference to the October 19 episode on CBC

Oh come on Deirdre! Don't be so damn unreasonable! Poor Ken is just trying his best to improve the British educational system for the benefit of Amy and Simon and hundreds of other children. Chairman Ken realizes that the Department of Education may oversee the system, but it is local school governors like him who must take responsibility for policy - and playing away - at the school level.

Has he been having cozy chats with WFC (Wendy Flaming Crozier)? Yes. Do they share wistful memories of old times? Of course. Will they be having a quick legover during discussions about biomass boilers? Probably. But the point is, it's all for a good and noble cause: the improvement of British education.

Sure, Ken has been lying to you but that's the price you pay for a Board of Governors which is grappling with shrinking school budgets, tough choices and library books. Think of his civic duty. Think of the moral imperative. Yes, it may be true that Ken has had a few tawdry affairs in his time (11 plus? - ed), but that doesn't mean he can't work side by side with Wendy in a professional manner.

Let's assume that Ken has learned his lesson. After all, he is spending most of his time in school.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: The Café Olé edition

please note this post makes reference to the October 18 episode on CBC

There's a lot brewing on the Street. Ken and Wendy are renewing their acquaintance while Deirdre does a slow boil. Maria is healthy and taking a healthy interest in Marcus. And competition in the food industry is ramping up as Mary takes the reins of Roy's Rolls and Nick is not amused. So, on we go, with another edition of Tony Gordon It's Friday, the award-eligible regular feature with some of the week's memorable lines plus pithy comments (now 10% more pithy!). Here goes:

Roy's parting words to Mary on the magic of running a cafe:
"Every day is a voyage into the unknown"

(especially if you use the washroom)

Mary reveals to Anna her grand designs for Roy's cafe while Roy and Hayley are away:

"Roy's Rolls will become Cafe Olé"

(so the full English will now be a full Spanish?) 

Mary uses her Spanish on Norris:
"Come to me my little white dove"

(Norris is more like a constipated budgerigar but whatever...)

Sean tells Jason to keep his hands off the party snacks for Eileen's party:

"Put that vol au vent down!"

(yes, you don't know where it's been)

Jason to Marcus while waiting for Maria to get ready:
"You're so lucky you're into blokes"

(yeah, about that...)


Mary apologizes for a delay in serving customers:
"Currently dealing with a gazpacho health and safety issue"

(try heating it up)


Wendy has a surprise for Ken:
"I've got you a little something"

(what a coincidence...)


Gail to Nick after leaving Cafe Ole:
"That paella smelled lovely"

(Paella? Is she a new worker at Underworld?)


Ken describes his Board of Governor's meeting:
"Long, lugubrious, dull"

(are you talking about the meeting or yourself?)

Deirdre tells Rita she's thinks Ken is having it off:

"I think he's up to his old tricks again"

(well, you know what they say about old dogs...)


Mary disputes the notion that Nick is a strong adversary
"The only tough cookie in that restaurant is on the menu"

(a la carte I believe)


Deirdre is livid when she discovers who Ken is secretly seeing:
"Wendy flaming Crozier, the woman who destroyed my marriage 20 years ago"

(I didn't know Wendy's middle name was 'Flaming')

***

Well, Corriephiles, it's another wild week on the Street and all hell's about to break loose. can't wait to see the sparks (and dishes) fly when Deirdre confronts ol' Ken. Also keen to see which team Marcus is playing for and will Maria be on the same team (stop with the team references - ed). Time will tell. Thanks as always for visiting. See you soon.

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the hair curler fight edition

please note this post makes reference to the October 10 episode on CBC

Damn! the power went off in Montreal during a pivotal episode of Corrie last week and, long story short, I believe I missed one of The Most Important Catfights in Corrie History.  As a result I will be watching Sunday's omnibus carefully to see what I missed and, don't worry Corrie fans, I will be suing Hydro Quebec for emotional damages - and viewing inconvenience - once I figure out the exact translation of Corrie.  On top of that, I'm away from Corrie Central this weekend so TGIF is late. Damn. Ah well, as they say, better late than clever. Or something like that...

Eileen is not impressed by Lloyd's efforts to look smart for his daughter:
"It'll take a lot more than a smart suit to turn you into Richard Branson"
(Yes, you'll also need to repel down the side of the Rovers and grow a goatee)


Lloyd tries to make small talk with his daughter, Jenna:
"I like the newness of new world wines"
(yes, they're so ... new)


Wendy discusses the Bessie Street headmaster with Chairman Ken:
"Brian needs a firm hand"
(He's not the only one)


Wendy again to Chairman Ken:
"I think we can really make difference"
(yeah, but what about the school?")


Ken recounts the story of his life with Deirdre (abbreviated version) to Wendy:
"I had a son with someone else and she met a Moroccan"
(happens all the time)


Kirsty to her Dad:
"You're just an evil bully"
(but sadly it runs in the family)


Deirdre thinks Ken's new job as Chairman is a good idea:
"You've got a heck of a lot to offer and it'll keep you out of trouble"
(well, one out of two isn't bad)


Mary's discloses her winning caption about the two elephants at a river:
"Thank goodness we brought our trunks"
(tsk, tsk or should I say... tusk, tusk)

***

 

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's it for another week. My apologies for the late, abbreviated version of TGIF. And, to conclude, just think how many fewer baby kidnappings, illicit afairs and crimes there would be if they eliminated the ginnels on Coronation Street. Just a thought. enjoy the weekend.

Cheers. 

Kimono Alert: Ken Barlow & Wendy

please note this post makes reference to the October 9 episode on CBC

I could be wrong but it looks to me that Ken could be getting up to his old tricks again. The Sexy Senior has just been elected Chairman of the Bessie Street Board of Governors and his ex-lover, Wendy Stroumbolopoulos (or something like that), is Vice Chair.

Of course, it`s strictly business and the two ex-lovebirds are solely concerned with keeping headmaster Brian on a tight leash and "making a difference." By all accounts the British Educational System will be the big winner. Bravo. Pip, pip. Jolly Good  etc etc.

But if that's the case, why is Ken suddenly dressing up like Richard Branson on casual Friday? And why hasn't he bothered to tell Deirdre that Ms. Snuffleupagus (or something like that) is his vice...er.. chair. The trouble with Ken is that he's got too much mojo on the go - even for a man of his mature years (four score and and seven years ago... - ed).

It's not that Ken is setting out to purposely get a legover but I wouldn't be at all surprised if one doesn't mysteriously show up on the board agenda, (closed session of course at Wendy's love nest condo). After all, the problems of Britain's educational system can hardly be solved without long nights and a passion for learning.

I just hope, for Ken's sake, that Bessie Street doesn't become a school for scandal.  

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the pub of the year edition

please note this post makes reference to the October 5 episode on CBC

yes, TGIF is late this week. I'm sure you'll forgive me as I'm still recovering from the return of Ken's long lost paramour, Wendy Crozier (now Stroumboulopolous or something like that). In the distant sands of time, I remember Wendy as a mousy clerical worker at city hall who was the mole providing Ken (intrepid journalist at the time) with inside information to "take down the system", or at least disclose sewer repair schedules (I forget which).

Anyhoo, long story short (too late -ed), Kenny boy somehow decided that a legover was needed to complete the expose and that's how Wendy broke up his marriage with Deirdre, but the affair didn't take and soon Ken was back. Now, I could be wrong about some of this backstory so please feel free to correct me.

Now, on to TGIF or Tony Gordon It's Frday, our regular round-up of memorable lines.

Gloria paints a sophisticated picture of the Rover's cuisine for the pub contest:
"locally-sourced food"
(yes, the pork scratchings are fresh from the nearby Cash and Carry)


Gloria asssesses the sad state of British taverns:
"The best English pubs are in Spain"

(yes but the best 'bull' is definitely in Weatherfield)

Gloria doesn't think much of Egypt's tourist attractions:
"Pyramids are just pointy things in the desert"

(and Stonehenge are just benches for tall people)


Mary assesses the Rovers' shortcomings as she fills out a ballot:
"The ladies' loo hasn't had a good bottoming in years"

(I guess that means someone needs a kick in the ass)


Kirk confesses his shortcomings to Beth:
"I'm no good at lying so I don't bother"

(That's commendable Kirk, what a smart lad!)

Eva tries to help Gloria break open the ballot box:
"Karl used to keep a screwdriver under the bar"

(yes, but I think he drank it before he left)


Gloria reads Norris' comments card:
"The landlady's mother is vulgar and loud"

(...and those are her good points)

Deirdre's cake doesn't work out even though she followed the recipe:
"That Jamie Oliver's not as pukka as he thinks he is"

(But still more pukka than Ken)


Gloria thinks Norris has abused the comments card:
"It gives mean little people like you and your weird girlfriend a chance to vent your spleen"

(I think they banned spleen venting in pubs along with smoking a few years ago) 


Eileen encourages Lloyd to press ahead with his daughter:
"I am the queen of what if"

(What if you weren't...)


Ken reveals to Brian his shock at seeing Vice-Chairman Wendy:
"She's the woman who broke up my marriage to Deirdre"

(which one?)

****

Well, fellow Corrie enthusiasts, that's it for the week. Have a great Thanksgiving weekend and we'll meet back here next week for more Hip. Cheers!

Mandy (with apologies to Barry Manilow)

please note this post makes reference to the October 2 episode on CBC

I remember ‘84
A squirrel ran right through the door
Your hubby didn't know
That we were shagging, all through the night
People’s tongues were a waggin’

Then I just went on my way
a pole dancer, she made my day
Cheryl was her name
But now it’s all over, now I’m just ashamed
Cause I burned the sofa

Oh Mandy, well, you came and
we went to a concert
But you had my love baby
Oh Mandy, well my daughter is nice
But she hates me
And I’m working today oh, Mandy