Coronation Street Catch Up: The La La Land (oops, I mean Rosie Returns) edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street.

Poor Chesney. Not only has Sinead betrayed him (by having it off with Daniel the Virgin in the Underworld storeroom) - but he also got a 'Chia Pet' haircut from David of Audrey's.

And, she's back. Rosie the Riveting swans off her flight from the US with a souvenir box of drugs. It's not her fault if her DJ boyfriend 'Antoine' gave her a mystery package of expensive white powder. How was she to know? Anyhoo, Sophie and Rosie decide to hide the nose candy in Tim's allotment. Problem solved, right?

Over at the Barlow's, Ken withdraws his financial offer to Adam after discovering that the clueless wonder cheated on his legal exam. For God's sake, Adam, where do you think you are? Canada? That toad in training, Seb, is being mentored by the mendacious Phelan who is keeping a watchful eye on his thieving protege.

Bethany is making make-up videos under the watchful (and I do mean watchful) eye of that creepy Nathan. Gemma remembers Shona as a regular at the Dog and Gun (slogan: join us for our Sunday brunch and stabbing specials). Nick proposes to Leanne (she accepts). Toyah enlists Peter in her quest for pregnancy (he accepts). 

Kevin is still mired in financial trouble and arguing with Tyrone, and Luke gets trapped under a car.

Now for a few lines from last week:

Johnny doesn't want Kate to quit Underworld:
"We do need a functioning brain in packing"
(you should have thought of that before hiring Kirk)


Rosie presents Tim with a gift from the US:
"I've always wanted a manscaping kit"
(At least Sally will be pleased)


Peter assures Toyah that he's up to the challenge of impregnation
"I've got super sperm"
(you and Steve MacDonald)


Rosie denies taking drugs:
"My body is literally a temple"
(... of doom, I would say)


Daniel to Sinead re:Adam's ability to get at the truth:
"He's like a human lie detector"
(more like a human lie)


Ken to Adam who insists he's a qualified lawyer:
"You're qualified in Canada"
(only in Canada, you say? Pity)

***

Well, patient punters, my sincere apologies for the delay in posting (I was on a mini break in Laval). It's beautiful this time of year when the construction cones are in bloom. Enjoy the week and all the best!

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Fred and Wilma Flintstone edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street.     

Looks like Leanne's incisive knowledge of the Flintstones (or, as it was better known in the childhood Battersby home, "a documentary") has led her to discover that "Fred" is really Peter Barlow and "Wilma" is really Toyah.  So, "Dino" is probably Eccles and "Bam Bam" is Simon (that's quite enough -editor). Meanwhile Nick is planning to propose to Leanne.

Looks like Toyah has a strong desire to have a baby. Peter? Not so much. The couple quarrels but gets back together.

Speaking of couples, Sinead and Ches are still on the rocks. Jenny gets a big 'rock' from Johnny but Johnny also wants to give her a big prenup. Jenny's not too pleased and Kate is not too pleased at the prospect of having the Jenster as a step mom. Neither are the factory girls too pleased (especially Alya) about Jenny swanning around like Underworld's Vice President of  Snooty. Jenny's also developing a brand new mastectomy bra... but will it receive Johnny's support?

More bad news for Kevin. the insurance company won't pay for the damage to the garage.  Kevin convinces Anna to sue David Platt (does he have any money or will her damages consist of free bad haircuts for life?)  Kevster also neglects to tell Anna that Sally gave him 7,000 pounds.

Brian has weaseled his way into Roy's apartment (or should that be 'Weasel has brianed his way into Roy's apartment'... either way). Tim thinks Manolo Blahnik used to play for Everton (Leeds, surely?)

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Peter's description of Nick's demeanour:
"A mouth like a cat's backside"

(less furry though)


Jenny to Kate:
"I'm going to be your new stepmom!"

(What's the penalty for stepmatricide?)


Non-qualified lawyers Adam Barlow and Todd Grimshaw join forces as...
"Black Sheep solicitors".
(slogan: "Good quality legal advice for the price of a hotpot" or "Can't beat the odds? Head to Adam and Todd's")

Leanne gives Toyah some relationship advice:

"the last thing you need is a selfish man"

(Good thing she's having it off with Peter Barlow. Oh... wait!)


Jenny to Johnny re: the idea of a prenup:
"Who do you think you are? Kanye West?"

(Johnny's thing is less 'hip hop' and more 'sweat shop' )

***

Well, denizens of da Rovers, so ends another week and Phelan is still on the loose with no end in sight of his perfidy. Kevin's misfortunes keep going from bad to worse. Is there no end to the number of women attracted to Peter Barlow's tattooed charms?  Apparently not. I guess that's why they call his taxi a 'handsome cab'. Ouch! Thanks for stopping by and have a great week! 

Coronation Street Catch Up: the Official Cougar edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street.

Maybe Nick would have better success if he used Google instead of Voggle for his internet searches. (I'll bet he's still using Windows Vista too and a Zune). Just saying.

But I digress. The point is that ol' Nicky is looking to move to Edinburgh with Leanne and the baby, but Toyah's not too pleased and Leanne doesn't even know... yet.  However, Leanne does tell Toyah the truth about her baby. As for Steve, well,things are tough for him and Michelle as they grieve for Ruairi.

On the Phelan Phile, I'm afraid the casualty count continues as Andy has an untimely encounter with a laptop computer at the hands of Pat (a hard drive to the head). All that remains is for Pat to dispose of the body so that he can make it to the registry office and marry his blushing bride, Eileen. Another happy ending. Meanwhile Steff is on her way solo to Portugal.

Luke wonders where his relationship with Tracy is going and learns that Miss Barlow spent some time in the big house (and I don't mean Downton Abbey). Ken's request for a Do Not Resuscitate in the event of another stroke upsets the other Barlows.

Adam convinces Alya to help him break into Underworld to steal evidence in order to support his claim but Alya pulls a double cross and Adam is caught in the act by Johnny and Aidan.

Sinead and Chesney seem headed for splitsville. Brian gets kicked out of Chez Norris and winds up at Roy's. Tim and Sally take a ride on a tandem bicycle. Tracy celebrates her 40th birthday in The Bistro where Luke recognizes the new waitress as one of his former one-night stand flings. Awkward.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Amy on the occasion of her Mom's 40th birthday:
"40 is the new ancient"

(ouch!)


Amy to Tracy again:
"You're officially a cougar"

(your membership card is in the mail)


Tracy confesses her past to Luke:

"I killed someone"
(she has a few skeletons in her closet, literally)


Phelan is inconvenienced on his wedding day:
"I'd like to get hitched without a hitch"
(murdering Andy is really causing a delay)


Phelan to Eileen re: their impending nuptials:
"This is the most important moment of my life"
(next to swindling people with those fake flats)


Ken to his family:
"I want to live, or be remembered as a man who lived"

(then stay away from Phelan)


Norris has had it with Brian:
"Consider yourself evicted"

(don't let the shower soak you on your way out)

***

Well, Weatherfield Watchers, so ends another week. no change on the Phelan front: he's still getting away with murder. Looks like the Steve's baby situation is ready to come to a head. After all, Toyah knows, Peter Barlow knows, plus Liz, plus Nick. Let's see what happens next. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week.

Coronation Street Catch Up: the sex ban edition

a look back at last week on Canada's Coronation Street

Let's agree that both Steff and Luke could do better. Steff is stuck with Andy Le Plank, you know, the saddo who pretended to be Michael's son, then tried to kill Phelan and made a cock-up of it, then tried to poison Phelan and made a cock-up of it... shall I go on?

Then there's Luke dating Voldemorticia (aka Tracy Barlow), the Lucretia Borgia of Coronation Street. What gives? But I digress.

When we left off, Andy and Steff were planning to make their escape to Portugal - except Phelan has cornered Andy in his apartment with an incriminating laptop computer (Kev's) with footage of Phelan outlining his misdeeds. How did Andy wind up with Kev's computer? Simple, Phelan blackmailed Andy into torching Kev's garage and Andy grabbed it while setting the fire (this after Andy Sans Spine had stolen Kev's new tow truck). To make matters worse, Kevin was arrested on suspicion of arson.

Elsewhere, Michelle is grieving for her lost child and shutting out Steve as she makes plans for the funeral. Meanwhile, a distraught Steve shares his paternity secret with Peter (i.e. that he's the father of Leanne's baby). Shona is working at Roy's and David spies her.

Good news? Eileen is marrying Pat (aka Felonius Skunk). Daniel gives Sinead a Venus Flytrap as an unusual gift but it dies after Gemma tries feeding it a piece of kebab (shouldn't that serve as a warning to human customers?)  Sally imposes a sex ban on Tim and Tim imposes a talking ban on Sally. Hmm, I wonder who wins?  That creepy tanning salon guy convinces Bethany to make a video.

And now for a few lines from the week that was:

Bethany shares her career aspirations with the creepy tanning salon guy:
"What I'm really interested in is nail technology"

(I believe Harvard offers a degree in that)


Sally to Tim:
"Are you being purposely obtuse?"

(not purposely)


Phelan has a request for Andy:
"I would appreciate it if you would burn down Kev's garage"

(an RSVP would be appreciated)


Sally dismisses Tim's offer of pork scratchings:
"There's more nutrition in a pair of flip flops

(and more fibre)


Tracy wants Luke to erase her risque performance from the CCTV footage on Kev's laptop:
"I have no desire to become a YouTube star"

(we prefer cat videos anyway)


Tim to Sally:
"Let's go upstairs and work things out in the bedroom like we usually do"

(shouldn't take more than five minutes)

Sally to Tim:
"I'm imposing a sex ban"

(maybe it will be overturned by a judge)


Andy to Steff:
"Phelan's been blackmailing me"

(and he made me visit him in hospital)

Kev to the Rovers customers as he's being arrested for arson:
"I didn't start the fire"

(maybe it was Billy Joel?)

***

Well, patient punters, it looks like we will have to wait longer to witness Phelan get his comeuppance (if it ever happens). In the meantime, let's hope Kev manages to extricate himself from this streak of misfortune at the hands of his nemesis.  Have a great week and thanks for stopping by. Cheers!

8 things you'll never hear a character say on Coronation Street

There are some things that you almost never hear our beloved characters on Coronation Street say... like:

1. "Could I have the low-sodium hot pot and a Perrier?"

2. "I would like to exercise my right to have legal counsel present during this police interrogation for murder."

3. "It's so nice to see that kind Tracy Barlow working at the charity shop."

4. "Yes, a casual legover sounds great, but we should take precautions to avoid pregnancy"

5. "Have you seen this hip, new haircut I got from Audrey's Salon?"

6. "Hey, why don't we make this cake run gluten free?"

7. "I tried to tell Norris some juicy gossip but he said it was none of his business."

8. "We're spending too much money at the Rovers and the Bistro, let's economize and stay home."