Thursday, December 16, 2010

Audrey Roberts and Lewis

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 15 episode on CBC

Well, Corrie nation, it's official. Gail is in the middle of another fine mess caused largely by her latest headcase husband, or rather, late headcase husband.  Luckily, by now the Weatherfield police must have her number on speed dial. Let's just call it another Plattastrophe™ and turn our attention to other diversions. And, by diversions, I mean Lewis, the latest man candy to hit the street. (Hey, what about Trevor? - ed)

Lewis is the sophisticated, experienced, date-for-hire with a touch of class and a credit card authorization slip. He's perfect for the discriminating older woman like Audrey Roberts (just ask Deirdre 'Cougar' Barlow or Liz 'Don't call me barmaid' McDonald).  Lewis offers lively companionship and sparkling conversation for the mature lady, something that 'Buffalo' Bill Webster and his ilk can never match. No wonder Audrey keeps Lewis' business card handy ('1-800-BEEFCAKE. Ask about our special rates for groups'). Check out his smooth as silk lines like:

"I find your conversation extremely stimulating"
"You're a natural orator. You really connected with the people, like Barack Obama."

Yeah, sure, if Barack Obama worked at a hairstyling salon (Yes we can.. get you a cuppa while Natasha does your roots). Then there is this priceless exchange:

Lewis: "You're a very complex woman."
Audrey: "I bet you say that to all the girls"
Lewis: "No, I'd still say it even if you hadn’t paid me."

...oh you silver-tongued devil! Hang on a sec while Audrey gets her chequebook -- unless, could you possibly be dating in your spare time? (No, but I believe he's tax deductible - ed)

But that's not all. How about this 'golden' bit of chit chat at the Rovers:

Audrey: "Are you comparing me to the Iron Lady?"
Lewis: "Not iron, no, something more precious and beautiful than that. - The Golden Lady."

Golden Lady™? I would have thought more of a 'Silver Stylist' or 'Bronze Beautician' or 'Tungsten Tsk tsker' or... (that's enough - ed). If Audrey's a Golden Lady, what is Lewis? (a nickel cad? - ed). Anyhoo, Lewis seems to make Audrey happy and I guess that's a handy distraction from all the palaver going on at Chez Gail.

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