please note this post makes reference to the June 18 episode on CBC
what you need to know: Sally is making a miraculous recovery (quel surprise) and is now best buds with Carla, Dev is acting like a chump and Sunita went on a bender, Sunita and Carl are getting cosier by the minute, Gail is shunning Audrey as long as she's shacked up with Lewis, Ken and Deirdre are at odds over who's got the worst offspring (hint: it's Deirdre)
I say, Lewis is rather a chivalrous fellow, isn't he? But, well, to be perfectly frank, how can one know if one's intentions are honourable, one wonders? (stop staying 'one', one is getting annoyed - ed).
That's the £4,000 question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to believe that Lewis (the former cad) is a reformed gentleman with a genuine love for Audrey and an absolutely incontrovertible desire to be her soul mate in perpetuity
or
Could he, in fact, be disguising his true and visceral nature as a certified gigolo and harbouring an unscrupulous agenda to defraud the lovely Audrey of her salon, her house and her dignity... again.
Ay, there's the rub.
Gail and David certainly seem to think that Lewis is, how you say, "an oily gigolo."
Audrey and Nick believe that Lewis is not at all oily. They think he's changed his ways - and is an excellent maitre d' to boot. (nobody can unscrew a bottle of Fresco's chardonnay with more elegance - ed).
I confess, I can't tell which it is but it seems to me that in the history of Coronation Street it is very, very rare that a leopard changes his - or her - spots. It could be a bad scene, but look on the bright side. At least Audrey isn't dating a cross-dresser (at least I don't think so) and Gail's not talking to her (bonus).
I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Showing posts with label Lewis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lewis. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A Coronation Street bounder in two centuries
no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
Well, well. It came as quite a surprise to me to see Audrey's ex-beau, con-man and Deirdre Barlow lip-lock partner aka Lewis Archer, make an appearance in the phenom period drama Downton Abbey. Not only that, but Lewis, who appears as Lord Hepworth in Downton, seems to be a bounder in both the 20th and 21st century.
In Coronation Street, as you recall, Lewis was a senior male escort providing his services to clients like Audrey and Claudia. Then Lewis renounced his 'profession' (one of the oldest in the world, I believe - ed) to be with Audrey, the love of his life (until debt do them part) but then reveals himself to be a gigolo and fortune hunter.
In Downton, he's a fortune hunter looking to restore his financial wealth by courting Lady Rosamund (forerunner of Audrey Roberts without the beauty salon and pyscho grandson). However, ever the gigolo, ol' Lewis (Lord Hepworth) has it off with Lady Rosamund's maid (forerunner of vulnerable, sex-starved Deirdre Barlow).
In Downton Abbey, Lewis is found in flagrante delicto in one of the 90 bedrooms.
In Coronation Street, Lewis is captured on CCTV playing tonsil tennis with Deirdre in the bookies.
In both centuries, Lewis is dispatched quickly leaving a trail of heartbroken ladies. One might say that history repeats itself.
Well, well. It came as quite a surprise to me to see Audrey's ex-beau, con-man and Deirdre Barlow lip-lock partner aka Lewis Archer, make an appearance in the phenom period drama Downton Abbey. Not only that, but Lewis, who appears as Lord Hepworth in Downton, seems to be a bounder in both the 20th and 21st century.
In Coronation Street, as you recall, Lewis was a senior male escort providing his services to clients like Audrey and Claudia. Then Lewis renounced his 'profession' (one of the oldest in the world, I believe - ed) to be with Audrey, the love of his life (until debt do them part) but then reveals himself to be a gigolo and fortune hunter.
In Downton, he's a fortune hunter looking to restore his financial wealth by courting Lady Rosamund (forerunner of Audrey Roberts without the beauty salon and pyscho grandson). However, ever the gigolo, ol' Lewis (Lord Hepworth) has it off with Lady Rosamund's maid (forerunner of vulnerable, sex-starved Deirdre Barlow).
In Downton Abbey, Lewis is found in flagrante delicto in one of the 90 bedrooms.
In Coronation Street, Lewis is captured on CCTV playing tonsil tennis with Deirdre in the bookies.
In both centuries, Lewis is dispatched quickly leaving a trail of heartbroken ladies. One might say that history repeats itself.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Audrey Robert's Greek-English dictionary
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the May 24 episode on CBC
Oh dear. Audrey Roberts has returned from her mini-vacation in the Greek islands with visions of quaint hotels dancing in her head. It's like 'Mamma Mia' (the movie) -- except she's with Lewis rather than Pierce Brosnan (Lewis probably sings better - ed). All of a sudden she's ordering olives at the caf and reminiscing about ouzo. I don't like where this is leading. (a Greek restaurant? -ed)
Even Gail, in her fluffy Terrycloth bathrobe, is not amused. Audrey could lose everything:: her house, her salon & David (well, one out of three isn't bad - ed). And for what? Lewis, the former escort and current con man. I've only got one question (What's a Grecian Urn? - ed). How can Audrey be so rash? Well, if she does go through with this crazy plan, she'll need to equip herself with an appropriate vocabulary. Allow me to help with a brief Greek-English dictionary. This is just about all she'll need to know:
Signomi, ala then milao elinika = Sorry I don't speak Greek
to onoma mou ine muggins = my name is muggins
then estanome kala = I don't feel well
pou ine i twaleta, parakalo? = where is the toilet please?
kamaki = gigolo
aseme isihi Lewis = leave me alone Lewis
malakas = wanker
kaléste tin astynomía! = call the police!
Antio = goodbye
Oh dear. Audrey Roberts has returned from her mini-vacation in the Greek islands with visions of quaint hotels dancing in her head. It's like 'Mamma Mia' (the movie) -- except she's with Lewis rather than Pierce Brosnan (Lewis probably sings better - ed). All of a sudden she's ordering olives at the caf and reminiscing about ouzo. I don't like where this is leading. (a Greek restaurant? -ed)
Even Gail, in her fluffy Terrycloth bathrobe, is not amused. Audrey could lose everything:: her house, her salon & David (well, one out of three isn't bad - ed). And for what? Lewis, the former escort and current con man. I've only got one question (What's a Grecian Urn? - ed). How can Audrey be so rash? Well, if she does go through with this crazy plan, she'll need to equip herself with an appropriate vocabulary. Allow me to help with a brief Greek-English dictionary. This is just about all she'll need to know:
Signomi, ala then milao elinika = Sorry I don't speak Greek
to onoma mou ine muggins = my name is muggins
then estanome kala = I don't feel well
pou ine i twaleta, parakalo? = where is the toilet please?
kamaki = gigolo
aseme isihi Lewis = leave me alone Lewis
malakas = wanker
kaléste tin astynomía! = call the police!
Antio = goodbye
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
An Indecent Proposal
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the May 2 episode on CBC
Look here, Claudia, you'd better get this through your big hair: Lewis Archer has officially hung up his smoking jacket and put away his um..'protection' (raincoat and brolly? -ed). Or, to put it another way, Lewis has retired his Rolodex, thrown away his Cougar catalogue and emptied out his bottles of Old Spice. That's right, Claudia, as of now Lewis Archer is officially a one-woman man.
No Claudia, he hasn't signed an exclusive contract with a mature, rich widow of independent means (good idea, though - ed). No, Lewis has decided to channel all of his escort energies to one special lady (Deirdre Barlow? - ed). Or, as you so succinctly put it: "Audrey Roberts has snared you."
Oh, yes, Claud, it's true that the over-sixties female population is officially in mourning. Not since Matlock was taken off the air have so many female tears been shed for a mature man.
But, hang on a minute, what if Lewis was offered an obscene amount of money for one last fling, one last sensual fandango at Claudia's illicit house of pleasure? (two doors down from the viaduct, can't miss it -ed)
That's right, what if Claudia offered one million pounds for one night with Lewis?
Well, of course, it wouldn't be exactly one million pounds. More like 25 quid an hour plus expenses and taxi fare home, but an indecent proposal none the less. And I have a feeling that Lewis has a soft spot -- not just for the ladies -- but for the money as well. By the way, Claudia, how's Spritzer?
Look here, Claudia, you'd better get this through your big hair: Lewis Archer has officially hung up his smoking jacket and put away his um..'protection' (raincoat and brolly? -ed). Or, to put it another way, Lewis has retired his Rolodex, thrown away his Cougar catalogue and emptied out his bottles of Old Spice. That's right, Claudia, as of now Lewis Archer is officially a one-woman man.
No Claudia, he hasn't signed an exclusive contract with a mature, rich widow of independent means (good idea, though - ed). No, Lewis has decided to channel all of his escort energies to one special lady (Deirdre Barlow? - ed). Or, as you so succinctly put it: "Audrey Roberts has snared you."
Oh, yes, Claud, it's true that the over-sixties female population is officially in mourning. Not since Matlock was taken off the air have so many female tears been shed for a mature man.
But, hang on a minute, what if Lewis was offered an obscene amount of money for one last fling, one last sensual fandango at Claudia's illicit house of pleasure? (two doors down from the viaduct, can't miss it -ed)
That's right, what if Claudia offered one million pounds for one night with Lewis?
Well, of course, it wouldn't be exactly one million pounds. More like 25 quid an hour plus expenses and taxi fare home, but an indecent proposal none the less. And I have a feeling that Lewis has a soft spot -- not just for the ladies -- but for the money as well. By the way, Claudia, how's Spritzer?
***
Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, I was struck down by flu last week and didn't do the TGIF. My apologies and rest assured that neither skiving or illness will prevent me from TGIFing this week.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Ken Barlow vs Lewis Archer
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 20 epiosde on CBC
Well it seems that Deirdre is going all 'Eartha Kitt' over the suave senior, Lewis Archer. But why is Lady Barlow turning into Lady Gaga at the sight of the grey fox? Maybe I'm just thick (maybe? - ed) but from where I'm standing (outside the Tim Horton's in the rain - ed), the irresistible Lewis seems to be exactly like the resistible Ken.
They have the same hair style, they are the same vintage, they speak the same way. They have the same impeccable manners and pseudo-intellectual interests and, it seems, they have both been involved in the er.. world's oldest profession (supermarket trolley collector at Freshco's? - ed). On top of that, the two former male escorts seem to get along like a house on fire. They were chatting up a storm over Deirdre's stuffed marrow (I beg your pardon! - ed).
So why does Deirdre find Lewis as sexually alluring as a musk-soaked Chippendale's dancer?
Who knows? Maybe it's a revenge affair? After all, she does keep referring to the canal. Or maybe Ken spends too much time at the library tending to his literary desires and not enough time tending to Deirdre's animal desires? Or maybe it has something to do with Audrey? In any event, there seem to be some sparks flying and, all of a sudden, the male escort business seems to be one hot ticket.
Well it seems that Deirdre is going all 'Eartha Kitt' over the suave senior, Lewis Archer. But why is Lady Barlow turning into Lady Gaga at the sight of the grey fox? Maybe I'm just thick (maybe? - ed) but from where I'm standing (outside the Tim Horton's in the rain - ed), the irresistible Lewis seems to be exactly like the resistible Ken.
They have the same hair style, they are the same vintage, they speak the same way. They have the same impeccable manners and pseudo-intellectual interests and, it seems, they have both been involved in the er.. world's oldest profession (supermarket trolley collector at Freshco's? - ed). On top of that, the two former male escorts seem to get along like a house on fire. They were chatting up a storm over Deirdre's stuffed marrow (I beg your pardon! - ed).
So why does Deirdre find Lewis as sexually alluring as a musk-soaked Chippendale's dancer?
Who knows? Maybe it's a revenge affair? After all, she does keep referring to the canal. Or maybe Ken spends too much time at the library tending to his literary desires and not enough time tending to Deirdre's animal desires? Or maybe it has something to do with Audrey? In any event, there seem to be some sparks flying and, all of a sudden, the male escort business seems to be one hot ticket.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Lewis' little black book
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Feb 15 episode on CBC
We got a tantalizing peek at what Lewis, renowned man-about-town and gentleman escort, writes in his little black book but we can only guess at the rest of its contents. Now that he's had a chance to scope out the potential clients on Coronation Street we can well imagine all the notes he's made. I have a feeling that it looks something like this:
Audrey Roberts
- average tipper
- good kisser
- reasonable hairdresser
additional notes: daughter in jail for murder, grandson is a primo headcase, ex-partner is gay, was apparently a former mayoress.
Rita Sullivan
- good tipper
- excellent kisser
- reasonable singer
additional notes: likes theatre, large G&Ts, gave me the brush off (I say! the cheek!), frenemy of Audrey Roberts
Norris Cole
- probably very bad tipper
- kissing prowess TBD
- small business owner
additional notes: friend of Rita's, bit of a fussbudget, wears sweater vests, indeterminate sexual orientation. Possible opportunity for some innovative business development?
Natasha Blakeman
- would probably expect tip from me (rather than vice versa)
- kissing prowess TBD (but blimey, makes one think, doesn't it?)
- Audrey's rather fit co-worker
additional notes: eminently capable with a pair of scissors and a little hair gel, not sure if she's looking for a mature, pay-as-you-go companion but the way she acts around that prat Nick Tilsley, it would seem like she is looking for genuine male attention.. and my rates are very reasonable.
We got a tantalizing peek at what Lewis, renowned man-about-town and gentleman escort, writes in his little black book but we can only guess at the rest of its contents. Now that he's had a chance to scope out the potential clients on Coronation Street we can well imagine all the notes he's made. I have a feeling that it looks something like this:
Audrey Roberts
- average tipper
- good kisser
- reasonable hairdresser
additional notes: daughter in jail for murder, grandson is a primo headcase, ex-partner is gay, was apparently a former mayoress.
Rita Sullivan
- good tipper
- excellent kisser
- reasonable singer
additional notes: likes theatre, large G&Ts, gave me the brush off (I say! the cheek!), frenemy of Audrey Roberts
Norris Cole
- probably very bad tipper
- kissing prowess TBD
- small business owner
additional notes: friend of Rita's, bit of a fussbudget, wears sweater vests, indeterminate sexual orientation. Possible opportunity for some innovative business development?
Natasha Blakeman
- would probably expect tip from me (rather than vice versa)
- kissing prowess TBD (but blimey, makes one think, doesn't it?)
- Audrey's rather fit co-worker
additional notes: eminently capable with a pair of scissors and a little hair gel, not sure if she's looking for a mature, pay-as-you-go companion but the way she acts around that prat Nick Tilsley, it would seem like she is looking for genuine male attention.. and my rates are very reasonable.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Audrey Roberts and Lewis
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 15 episode on CBC
Well, Corrie nation, it's official. Gail is in the middle of another fine mess caused largely by her latest headcase husband, or rather, late headcase husband. Luckily, by now the Weatherfield police must have her number on speed dial. Let's just call it another Plattastrophe™ and turn our attention to other diversions. And, by diversions, I mean Lewis, the latest man candy to hit the street. (Hey, what about Trevor? - ed)
Lewis is the sophisticated, experienced, date-for-hire with a touch of class and a credit card authorization slip. He's perfect for the discriminating older woman like Audrey Roberts (just ask Deirdre 'Cougar' Barlow or Liz 'Don't call me barmaid' McDonald). Lewis offers lively companionship and sparkling conversation for the mature lady, something that 'Buffalo' Bill Webster and his ilk can never match. No wonder Audrey keeps Lewis' business card handy ('1-800-BEEFCAKE. Ask about our special rates for groups'). Check out his smooth as silk lines like:
"I find your conversation extremely stimulating"
or
"You're a natural orator. You really connected with the people, like Barack Obama."
Yeah, sure, if Barack Obama worked at a hairstyling salon (Yes we can.. get you a cuppa while Natasha does your roots). Then there is this priceless exchange:
Lewis: "You're a very complex woman."
Audrey: "I bet you say that to all the girls"
Lewis: "No, I'd still say it even if you hadn’t paid me."
...oh you silver-tongued devil! Hang on a sec while Audrey gets her chequebook -- unless, could you possibly be dating in your spare time? (No, but I believe he's tax deductible - ed)
But that's not all. How about this 'golden' bit of chit chat at the Rovers:
Audrey: "Are you comparing me to the Iron Lady?"
Lewis: "Not iron, no, something more precious and beautiful than that. - The Golden Lady."
Golden Lady™? I would have thought more of a 'Silver Stylist' or 'Bronze Beautician' or 'Tungsten Tsk tsker' or... (that's enough - ed). If Audrey's a Golden Lady, what is Lewis? (a nickel cad? - ed). Anyhoo, Lewis seems to make Audrey happy and I guess that's a handy distraction from all the palaver going on at Chez Gail.
Well, Corrie nation, it's official. Gail is in the middle of another fine mess caused largely by her latest headcase husband, or rather, late headcase husband. Luckily, by now the Weatherfield police must have her number on speed dial. Let's just call it another Plattastrophe™ and turn our attention to other diversions. And, by diversions, I mean Lewis, the latest man candy to hit the street. (Hey, what about Trevor? - ed)
Lewis is the sophisticated, experienced, date-for-hire with a touch of class and a credit card authorization slip. He's perfect for the discriminating older woman like Audrey Roberts (just ask Deirdre 'Cougar' Barlow or Liz 'Don't call me barmaid' McDonald). Lewis offers lively companionship and sparkling conversation for the mature lady, something that 'Buffalo' Bill Webster and his ilk can never match. No wonder Audrey keeps Lewis' business card handy ('1-800-BEEFCAKE. Ask about our special rates for groups'). Check out his smooth as silk lines like:
"I find your conversation extremely stimulating"
or
"You're a natural orator. You really connected with the people, like Barack Obama."
Yeah, sure, if Barack Obama worked at a hairstyling salon (Yes we can.. get you a cuppa while Natasha does your roots). Then there is this priceless exchange:
Lewis: "You're a very complex woman."
Audrey: "I bet you say that to all the girls"
Lewis: "No, I'd still say it even if you hadn’t paid me."
...oh you silver-tongued devil! Hang on a sec while Audrey gets her chequebook -- unless, could you possibly be dating in your spare time? (No, but I believe he's tax deductible - ed)
But that's not all. How about this 'golden' bit of chit chat at the Rovers:
Audrey: "Are you comparing me to the Iron Lady?"
Lewis: "Not iron, no, something more precious and beautiful than that. - The Golden Lady."
Golden Lady™? I would have thought more of a 'Silver Stylist' or 'Bronze Beautician' or 'Tungsten Tsk tsker' or... (that's enough - ed). If Audrey's a Golden Lady, what is Lewis? (a nickel cad? - ed). Anyhoo, Lewis seems to make Audrey happy and I guess that's a handy distraction from all the palaver going on at Chez Gail.
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