Thursday, July 28, 2011

Top 7 reasons why Eddie Windass gets barred from pubs

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 26 episode on CBC

I'm sure it comes as no surprise that Eddie Windass has been barred from 'several' pubs in the past. This info is revealed by Eddie's wife, Anna, as Eddie is in the process of getting barred from the Rovers for "getting up Becky's nose" (legal term, I believe -ed) about the fact that the Windasses have been approved for an adoption.

That means that, somewhere out there, there's a tiny baby felon (probably wearing stolen diapers) with the Windasses name on him or her (probably in the form of a tattoo - ed). But I digress. The burning question is: why has Eddie been barred from so many pubs in the past? One can only hazard a guess, but I suspect the top seven reasons probably go something like this:

7. smoking smelly cigars in the washroom and then saying to patrons, "I wouldn't go in there for 10 minutes, mate."
6. trying to steal the pub darts -- while the punters are still playing with them.
5. 'borrowing money' from the orphans' Christmas fund jar on the bar counter
4. leaving his cab running outside so he can nip in for a pint - while leaving pets and children in the car with the windows up
3. unplugging the jukebox and insisting that patrons pay him to sing 'Born this Way'
2. combing his hair at the bar despite repeated warnings
1. misinterpreting the barmaid when she asks: "Would you like some scratchin' s?"

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