please note this post makes reference to the August 6 episode on CBC
"Ladies and gentleman, thank you for joining us and welcome as we bring you live coverage of the Annual Bessie Street School Olympics. We have already witnessed an astonishing day of sport here at the magnificent Ken Barlow Outdoor Centre for Athletic Adequacy (KBOCAA).
Britain's Amy Barlow has already captured her fair share of medals with electrifying performances in the 100, 200 and 300 metre sprint for children who will need therapy later in life.
But now, the main event. Yes, it's the father's sack race. This is truly the marquee event of the day so, without further ado, let's go down to the field and meet the starting lineup.
On the outside lane is an anonymous unnamed father with glasses.
Next is Dev Allahan. Dev, nicknamed Insane Dolt, had a disappointing race last year due to marital difficulties but he says he is now in top form.
Next to Dev, some other miscellaneous dads without names and then we have a newcomer, Nick Tilsley. While not technically a dad, the IOC has ruled that Tilsley, aka the Bistro Bobber, is eligible. Next to Tilsley is Peter Barlow. Barlow was certainly a favourite to win the Dry Sack race but we're not so sure about this one.
And, they're off !
It's Allahan, followed by Barlow followed by Tilsley. Allahan got off to a fast start but he's starting to fade as the nameless dads are catching up and now Barlow is pushing forward. Look at that form! They say he's great in the sack and so far, ladies and gentlemen, he seems to have this race in the bag.
But wait, now it's the non-dad making a move. Yes, it's Tilsley bobbing up on the inside. Tilsley now pushing though the pack and taking the lead. As they approach the tape, it's all Tilsely. Just look at his sack, ladies (and gentlemen)! So small, so compact yet so efficient. And at the finish, it's Tilsley. Nick Tilsley brings home the gold!"