Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Webster House Rules

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Sept 28 episode on CBC

I must say it's a little um... how you say.. awkward to have Kevin moping around the Webster house mithering over Baby Jack while Sally shoots hate darts into his back. Doesn't Kevin get it? I mean, when you cheat on your wife while she's got cancer, sleep with your best mate's wife and then carry around your illicit love child, you're not supposed to be living in the family home.

Tradition clearly states that 'he who plays away does not get to stay'  The marriage is over. Sally doesn't want anything more to do with Kevin but he doesn't get it. Like an unwelcome guest or a bad smell, he keeps hanging around. I feel sorry for Sally but since Kev is too thick to understand that he should be slinging his hook in shame, she has no choice but to come up with some house rules to deal with the unpleasant situation. Here are a couple of suggestions:

1. Kevin must stay in the conservatory during meal times, prime time TV shows and Rosie's birthday.
If he must leave the conservatory (aka porch or shed), then he should send a text to Sally requesting permission to enter the living room. If Sally should need the conservatory for any reason (i.e. getting legless because she's married to Kev), then Kevin will go directly to the garage and stay in the back seat of a Ford Fiesta until further notice. 

2. Under no circumstances is Kevin allowed into the marriage bed -- except on weekends and special occasions.
He can sleep on the sofa until he gets himself sorted or throws his back out - whichever comes first. Of course, if he hangs around the bed long enough with that pathetic look on his face, maybe Sophie will convince her mom to let him back in but only for light cuddling, nothing else! 

3. No talking to Kevin. He must be ignored.
If he's allowed to wander around the house with a cute baby, Sophie and Sian will feel sorry for Kevin and he will try to get them to look after his illegitimate love child while he goes for a pint, fixes cars or buys nappies. It's the thin edge of the Huggie. For this reason, no-one is allowed to speak to Kevin except in cases of crashing trams, fires and yummy desserts.

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