Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Peter Barlow's grand gesture

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 24 episode on CBC

I don't know about Peter Barlow. For an alcoholic, bigamist and firebug, he's got quite the chip on his shoulder. His plan is to assemble as many people as possible in the church in order to publicly humiliate Leanne and Nick.

I don't why he didn't go whole hog and rent a bigger venue with more guests. Surely this would result in even more humiliation. In fact., I think it might go something like this...

"Hello everyone and welcome to Weatherfield Football Club stadium. My name is Peter Barlow and I'm supposed to be getting a blessing from a minister for myself and my wife, Leanne.

The only the thing is, my trollope, former escort, prostitute bride has been doing the horizontal hokey pokey with me best mate, Nick Tilsley (he's the one over there in row 71 who looks constipated). That's why I rented this large venue to publicly humiliate them as well as Carla (the hot babe over there) and Ken & Deirdre (the swinging geriatrics over there in the 55th row, two from the end).

Now, I wanted to rented a bigger place but unfortunately Wembley Stadium was already booked for an NFL game. Nevertheless I'm glad all of you could make it here to witness my cuckoldry.

I'd especially like to welcome: the residents of Coronation Street, all active and retired members of Her Majesty's Navy, the original Broadway cast of Les Miserables, the 2012 Olympic Organizing Committee, The Royal family, the Lancaster British Brass Band, The European Parliament and the players and WAGs of Manchester United FC.

As I say, I invited all of you here to watch as I humiliate my wife and... sit down, Wayne Rooney! I'm not finished!.. and hand her this envelope containing divorce papers based on her adulterous behavior. As a former bigamist, I am appalled and shocked. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get some groceries and kill Nick Tilsley.

Thank you Weatherfield and Good Night" 

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