Tuesday, December 13, 2011

the scary mind of John Stape

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the December 12 episode on CBC

"Colin's back in the country" - With these five words, desperate John Stape has once again launched himself down the path of lies, trying to cover up one misdeed by inventing a string of whoppers. This time he's telling Fiz that she can't contact the police in order to find Chesney. Chesney, of course, is tied up in a soundproof family basement along with Mr and Mrs. Hoyle thanks to Signor Stape.

Of course, Fiz is out of her mind with worry. John is panicking... again. Time for some prime lies and he's going to need a lot of them to explain this. What will he concoct?. Please, allow me to step in with a line of questioning:

Me:  Colin's back in the country?

Stape: Yeah. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd worry.

Me: Well, why did he come back?

Stape: He said he didn't like Canada. The hockey was too fast. He couldn't keep up with the puck and he didn't realize that there was a third period. He kept switching off the telly after the second intermission.

Me: So he came back because he didn't like ice hockey?

Stape: Yeah and he said the beer was too cold over there. He prefers body temperature lager.

Me: How do you know he's back?

Stape: Er, well I ran into him the other day while I was at the bookies. Yeah, he just walked in the door and said he wanted to place a bet. 

Me: You never said. I thought you weren't supposed to keep secrets?

Stape: Right, well I wanted to tell Fiz but you see he made this special kind of bet and, according to bookie rules, I couldn't say anything.

Me: What kind of special bet?

Stape: It's called a difecta. Silly thing really. He bets on a horse. If he loses the bet then I'm allowed to tell you that he came into the bookies. But if the horse wins, he wins his bet and the bookie can't tell anyone that he's been in the shop or even made a bet.

Me: that's ridiculous.

Stape: I know. That's what I said to Peter. But what can I do, it's the bookies code.

etcetera, etcetera....  I wonder what his 'real' explanation will be like. Can't wait.

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