Tony Gordon It's Friday: the heterosexist edition

please note this post makes reference to the Nov 23 episode on CBC

They say that all's fair in love and war but that didn't seem to be the case last week on the Street. The Rovers' five-a-side squad snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Jason has lost his girlfriend to a gay-ish man. Sean's years with Marcus now seem like a sham. Even Kirk is disturbed (Hey, that's not very nice - ed). Let's get on with it and do that thing we call TGIF, Tony Gordon It's Friday, our weekly round-up of some of the memorable lines. Let's go:

Gail continues to assert her importance at the Bistro by complaining to Nick:
"I'm not impressed with that new air freshener for the washroom"

(I'm sure the feeling's mutual)

Sean is slighted by Lloyd's decision not to ask him to be part of Team Rovers:

"That's completely heterosexist"

(As opposed to heterosexy, which is how Eva would describe Rob in his shorts)

Marcus explains himself to Maria:
"Obviously I'm gay"

(obviously)

Poor Jason can't understand why Maria wants to break up:

"Why am I always the one getting dumped?"

(Why do they always ask for your phone number at The Source? Just one of life's mysteries)


Stella's nemesis, Carol, is enjoying the grudge match:
"I love a five a side"

(we're talking about football, right?)

Sean tells Marcus he's upset:
"Drop dead straight boy"

(now who's being heterosexist?)

Stella defends her prize assets to Carol:
"Some people say my legs are my best feature"

(the police are out looking for those people right now)

Jason presents damning evidence to Marcus:
"You love Kylie Minogue and Canal Street, you do not love not her"

(Do those things have to be mutually exclusive?)

Gail tries to keep up with the romantic saga of Marcus:

"Does this mean he's bisexual?"

(Not so fast. We'll have to wait for an official ruling)

Rob is disgusted at Steve's five a side performance:

"There's no I in team"

(Have you checked with Kirk?)


Tina to the assembled multitude at Anna's house:
"I'm pregnant"

(Quick call the Weatherfield Gazette)


Eileen's analysis of Marcus and Maria:
"You're gay. She's straight. It'll all end in tears"

(...or a sitcom)

***

Well, fellow lovers of Corrie, it's been a rough week for sexual orientation on the Street and a rough week for the sport of football.  So what happens now? Personally, I'd like to see a rematch of the five-a-side contest between the Weathy Arms and the Rovers. (I just can't get enough of Steve getting hit in the head with a football). Priceless. Enjoy the weekend and the omnibus and meet you back here next week. Thanks for stopping by. Cheers!

Five-a-side or skive-a-side?

please note this post makes reference to the Nov 21 episode on CBC

Not since England nabbed the coveted Jules Rimet Trophy in 1966 after winning the World Cup, has a nation been so captivated by a squad of elite football players at the height of their careers. The Rovers five-a-side team is ready to do battle with the Weathy Arms Wanderers (not their team name, they simply don't have a sat nav in the car).

How will the Rovers team fare?

Well, let's take a quick look at the squad.

Rob: lean, good-looking and former inmate. He learned a thing or two from his time in the exercise yard.

Chesney: Very quick in the market when selling dog accessories

Paul: If a fire breaks out during the game, he'll be very handy.

Ryan: he's already got a lot in common with some of the top disgraced players in the world: drugs.

and, of course, a last minute substitute: Steve. Don't count him out. he's wearing a headband and looks like Loverboy (towards the end of their career - ed).

Okay, we've talked talent (have we? - ed). Now let's talk strategy. I think Lloyd will probably use the patented: 1-1-1-1 formation.  Steve will bring up... er the rear. Paul in midfield and Rob and Chesney on attack. Sweeper? Steve, and only after the game is finished (someone has to clean up - ed). Striker? Rob and Steve are each capable of striking... each other.

Let the game begin.

Corrie in described video

please note this post makes reference to the Nov 20 episode on CBC

I'm always intrigued by the voice-over message that we hear at the beginning of each episode of Coronation Street. You know, the voice that says: "Coronation Street is available in described video". I wonder what that's like... hmmm, perhaps it goes something like this:

"Steve McDonald is standing at the bar in the Rovers. He looks upset at not being included in the five-a-side Rovers' footy team. Not surprising since he looks well past it. Take my word for it. He makes Rob Ford look like Wayne Rooney. No disrespect. 

Steve makes a face with his expressive mug and thinks about taking a swing at Rob but he knows that Rob would probably give him a good rollicking. Rob is easy on the eyes. That's not relevant to this described video but I thought I would throw it in anyway.

Marcus walks into the Rovers with Aidan. Maria walks into the Rovers with Audrey. Marcus looks unhappy. Maria looks unhappy. Maria is easy on the eyes. That's not relevant to this described video but I thought I would throw it in anyway. 

I won't bore you with more described video about this except to say that it looks like Marcus has changed teams. Perhaps it was something that Kirk said. Kirk is not easy on the eyes. That's not relevant to this described video but I thought I would throw it in anyway.  

Lewis is conning Gail about his gold watch. Yes Gail has the same hairstyle as always. She really should do something about it. But I digress. 

Lewis is being very nice to Gail. It looks like he is going to pull a 'Deirdre Barlow' on her. I would not be surprised if he tries some lip calisthenics on Gail before the end of the week. That's not relevant to this described video but I thought I would throw it in anyway..."  

Tony Gordon It`s Friday: the predatory sex pest edition

please note: this post makes reference to the November 15 episode on CBC

Don`t you think it`s a bit rich for Lewis to be all hurt and aggrieved? Yes, Gail did set a ham-handed trap to suss out his true intentions, but really, that's nothing compared with Sir Lewis of Scam's track record. Audrey managed to forgive the erstwhile gigolo for: trying to steal money from her, bilking Peter Barlow, using Deirdre as a human lip gloss, running off to the Caribbean with a woman he met at an airport bar, going AWOL from a train and accumulated con man debts of 10,000 quid. So where does he get off with this righteous indignation?

Anyway, enough about Lord Lewis Archer, Prince of Perfidy, let's take a refreshing dip in some of the memorable lines of the week in the award-avoiding weekly segment we call 'Tony Gordon, It's Friday':


Ken complains to Deirdre about the silent treatment he's getting because of Wendy Flaming Crozier:
"It's hard for one to concentrate when one is in the doghouse"

(one should know that by now, Ken, shouldn't one?)


Gloria tells Lewis she is putting on a brave face despite a mysterious terminal illness:
"I'm making the most of the time I've got left"

(about 20 or 30 years)

Deirdre confronts Wendy about Ken's night chez Crozier:
"Tell us the tale of the governor's sleepover"

(well, once upon a time there was this sexy septuagenarian...)

Tracy greets Wendy Crozier with her patented charm:
"Last time I saw you, you were a home breaking cow"

(yes, but she's moo-ved on)


Tracy sums up Ken's behaviour:
"You're a lecherous ol perv, Dad"

(no disrespect and, oh, can you look after Amy tonight?)

The Lancashire Leisure judge reads from a comment card:
"If the Rovers Return were a lullaby, we'd all be asleep"

(or in a coma with a 'do not resuscitate' sign)

Wendy insists that ken was pursuing her:
"He held a torch for me like the Statue of Liberty"

(Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning for a legover) 

Stella's nemesis from the Weathy Arms extols her virtues:
"My pipes are as clean as a whistle"

(yes, but what about the pub?)

Ken tells Wendy she's ruined his reputation:

"Haven't you heard? I'm a predatory sex pest" 

(Yes, but a predatory sex pest with integrity)


Wendy is confident that Ken still fancies her:
"It's just a matter of time before you're back in my bed again"

(I wouldn't put it in your daytimer just yet)

Wendy finally apologizes for false accusations against Ken:

"I'm sorry to have turned bunny boiler"

(Bunny Boiler? Is that a new character? Sounds like a friend of Beth)

Lewis takes pleasure in Gloria's misfortune:

"You're an out of control buffoon"

(yes, but you're an aging Lothario, so let's call it even)

***

Well, comrades in Corrie, looks like we're reached the end of another week. Love, hate, spite, deceit ... and physiotherapy. What more could you ask for? Have a great weekend and I'll be back next week.

Cheers!

Tony Gordon It's Friday: the happy enough edition

note: no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

When Wendy Flaming Crozier asks Ken if he's happy, he replies: "Happy Enough."  Not exactly a resounding endorsement of Ken's marriage, is it? Ah well, the way things are going, Wendy Crozier is one of the few bright spots on the street. What with Sophie's accident, the on and off again surrogacy and Roy's reprimand, it's a bit of a dour week on the street. So let's get with the program and do some TGIF..even if it's on Saturday.

Gloria continues with the seduction of Lewis:
"I bought us two tickets for the dog track"
(don't worry, her bark is worse than her bite)


Kevin does his traditional beating up of the person who wronged his family (Ryan):
"You little toerag"
(he's not that little)


Mary finds out that Kylie was responsible for squealing on her theme nights:
"Deceitful little madam"
(for Kylie, that's a compliment)


Rita shares her suspicions about Lewis and Gloria to Emily:
"I think those two are up to something"
(please refer to dog track above)


Lewis promises to keep Gloria's 'secret':
"I'll do anything you ask"
(as long as it doesn't involve the dog track again)


Rita tells Tommy what she thought of his dad:
"Terry had a black hole where his heart should be"
(yeah, apparently he sold his heart to a loan shark for 500 quid)


Wendy offers Ken a sympathetic ear:
"We'll find somewhere quiet to have a chat"
(like your bedroom perhaps?)


Sylvia has a proposition for Lewis:
"I'd like to take you out to dinner"
(As long as there are no dogs involved)


Ken explains to Deirdre why there's nothing going on between him and Wendy:
"Too old, clapped out, past it"
(Oh come on Ken! You can still have a legover if you put your mind to it)

***

Well, that's it for the week. I'm still snowed under with work so my skiving is suffering, and the best part of skiving is watching Corrie. Still, I'm hoping to get some more free time soon to explore a few thorny questions like: why does Kevin always feel the need to punch out someone when something bad happens to his home/family/business? and what really is the best way to test Lewis' intentions? Till then, have a great weekend and see you soon here at the Hip. Cheers! 

Tony Gordon It`s Monday: the coq au vin edition

note: no spoilers were used in the prepartion of this post

Tony Gordon It`s Monday? What the...? Doesn't have the same ring to it at all? What the hell's going on?  I know what you're thinking. No, I have not been skiving. (well maybe a bit, but not much). I was sidetracked by an unholy amount of work over the past few days and, as a result, my priorities have suffered. It may be too little, too late but here's a little look back at some of the memorable lines of last week in a little something I like to call 'Tony Gordon It's Friday' or TGIF (aka TGIM this week):

Mary is very pleased with her theme nights at the caf:
"Russian night was a big success"

(yes, Vladimir Putin must be very happy)


Mary tells Anna about future theme night plans:
"We're going Moroccan"

(hmm, I think you better clarify, and quickly)


Gloria offers Dennis a quick tour of the Rovers
"Shall I talk you through my pumps?"

(from what I understand about your pumps, there won't be much talking involved)

Eileen shares with Steve her professional assessment of Tracy:

"She's mad as a box of frogs"

(that's an insult to frogs... and boxes)

Rob to Michelle about Steve's cold-hearted dumping:

"Is he a complete slime ball?"

(It's that haircut. It affects his mental abilities)

Mary tells Norris that Anna has left her in the lurch:

"She's put French night in jeopardy"

(Quick, we'll need 100 cc of poutine, stat!)

Gloria tells Lewis about her medical condition
"'I'm dying Lewis"

(yes, dying to get a legover)

Norris tells Kylie he can't stand working for the dictatorial Mary:
"Mary has morphed into Gordon Ramsay"

(Welcome to my Kitchen Nightmare)

***

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid that's it for my low-cal TGIM. I promise to do better this week or my name's not Lewis Archer (and it isn't).  Cheers and laters.