Thursday, November 19, 2015

5 ways to tell Gail Platt about the corpse under her granny flat

Let's face it fellow punters, Gail can't stay in Italy forever (Il Tinder doesn't have enough psychos for her to date  - ed). When she returns from Milan, someone will eventually have to explain what happened to Callum. As you know, the demise of a scuzzy drug dealer is a delicate subject. Here are five suggestions for David and Kylie as to how they might break the news.

1. "Kylie killed Callum, yeah, and we stuffed him in the manhole in the floor of your flat? Got a problem with that?" (David's preferred option)

2. "The good news is we've got you a new flatmate. The bad news is he doesn't have a pulse."

3. "Callum won't be getting under foot anymore because he's, well, under your feet."

4. "Jason and Tony saved a bundle on cement mixing supplies because they used 'organic' waste to help fill up the manhole. Good for the environment! And the granny flat came in under budget! Let's celebrate with a drink at the Rovers."

5. "According to Weatherfield council building code regulations, any existing, disused, non-functional 'manhole' in a non-commercial building must, as the nomenclature suggests, be filled with at least one 'man' (preferably deceased) in accordance with municipality by-laws enacted by former mayor Alf Roberts."


  1. Do the by-laws specify requirements other than deceased? And is there a number limit? This could solve so many problems, starting with the problem of graveyard space limitations, but then again there might be the potential problem of methane gas explosions! Now there's a picture!

  2. Thanks for the comment. I can recall at least two instances of bodies being buried under floors (Gail's granny flat and the other was one of John Stape's victims in the factory). So maybe it's a kind of problem solving trend. All the best!