Two turkeys on Coronation Street

please note: this post makes reference to the March 27 episode on CBC

First of all, I can't believe that Carla has actually accepted to be Peter-the-bigamist's lady in waiting. What's his secret? Why does he have multiple women swooning over him despite his many shortcomings (and tattoos -ed)? Does he have a special brand of Axe Deodorant for men (now with nicotine - ed)?

Now let's get to the two 'turkeys'. I'm talking of course about two sub-par story lines that just don't make any sense. First of all, there's Owen versus the Platts. This feud started, believe it or not, over the theft of a plastic Heron which Owen installed next to his beloved fish pond. To me this story seems like a hokey rerun of the 'stolen garden gnome' incident. This occurred several years ago was when someone was stealing Derek and Mavis Wilton's beloved garden gnomes - which was amusing given Derek's supercilious personality.  But with Owen, it just seems out of character with his rough, edgy builder/entrepreneur persona.

The other turkey is the contest about... turkeys. Rita and Emily have a flash fight in the Kabin about who can cook a better Christmas dinner. It comes out of nowhere and seems completely out of character for both women. Now they're hell bent on having a contest to see who can cook the best Christmas dinner. Wake me when this one is over too.

I apologize if I'm being a bit churlish about this but there's got to be more to Christmas on the Street besides a plastic heron and a couple of turkeys...

***

Official Coronation Street Catfight Countdown Clock™

NUMBER OF ELAPSED DAYS WITHOUT A KNOCK DOWN, DRAG OUT FIGHT BETWEEN CARLA & LEANNE:

1

Kodak moment

To paraphrase something that you often hear on the Street 'I just can't get my head around' some of odd things happening these days like: Fiz's ring, Joe's addiction to painkillers and Becky's wedding uberdress. (How about Tony 'Sugar Daddy' Gordon? - ed)

Frankly the scenes of junior nutbar (David Platt), Gail and Joe are almost driving me to drink (oh no, not cream soda again? - ed). That's why I appreciate those little understated scenes between characters which you can often overlook or not fully appreciate for their subtleties (catfight in the Rovers? - ed).

A case in point last week: Ramsay and Emily sitting in her parlour after lunch, curtains drawn, looking at a collection of old fashioned Kodak slides in a carousel. When was the last time you saw anyone doing that in this era of cellphones and digital cameras? (your famous summer trip of '76 to Etobicoke? - ed). Anyway, there they were - just the two of them - all cozy on the couch looking at slides of the Lake District and then one of those priceless shots of Emily and her late husband (Ernest) appear on the screen. What follows is one of those charming nuggets of Corrie conversation:

Ramsay: Were you married long?
Emily: No. No, not long. Just long enough for memories.

It's enough to bring a tear to your eye, but then Norris bulls his way in, spoils the moment and looks for a slice of chicken pie. Nevertheless, it was a nice respite from the never-ending Platt saga and car washing antics of Rosie, and Tony's paternal urges (ugh - ed).

***

Just a note about this week. I will once again be away from my usual Corrie command post with all its technological innovations (i.e. tea & arrowroot biscuits) so posts may be spotty this week. my apologies but I'll try not to make it a habit. Cheers, CH

urban robotics

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 23 episode on CBC

It's interesting to see the role of technology on Coronation Street. Nowadays, it seems everyone on the Street (even Norris) has a cellphone, sends text messages and uses a computer. There's nothing wrong with that of course; the Street is simply reflecting modern life.

Look at yesterday's episode. Liam starts up his computer and ignores Maria. Carla gets an incoming cellphone call and the caller ID tells her it's Liam. Lloyd gets a cellphone call about John Stape's accident (attacked by Grandma Nell's cat I assume - ed). Jason is glued to his cellphone talking to Sarah Platt in Italy. Even Auntie Pam is selling dodgy digital watches with the help of shill-in-training, Tyrone. (Surely you've heard of 'Urban Robotics' - just like Movado or Rolex without working parts).

Sometimes, however, technology gets in the way of a good story or becomes a substitute for a decent plot. Remember when David hacked into Tina's email account? Too much of that story depended on emails, staring at computer screens, figuring out login passwords etc. Similarly, too many text messages can not only be hard for viewers to see and read - but can actually become a crutch for poor storytelling. After all, back in the day, all Elsie Tanner had was a rotary phone and a cigarette lighter and she was a hellraiser.

Of course, some characters seem blissfully oblivious to the benefits of hi-tech living. I haven't seen Emily texting her vicar lately ("C U Sunday Vikr, LOL"). Thank God for small mercies.

The envelope, please

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 24 episode on CBC

Rita, Emily & Norris are the elder statesman & stateswomen of Coronation Street so why is their current storyline so lame?

Perhaps I'm missing something (that's usually the case - ed), but never before in the history of human conflict has so much been made of so little for so long. Emily's sealed post-death envelope has proven to be too much torture for Norris, the busybody. So, after much fretting and fussing, Emily reveals the contents to Norris after a sumptuous dinner, a cup of tea and a couple of Peek Freans. Turns out the mysterious envelope contains nothing more than burial instructions ('Tell Archie Shuttleworth to be on time'), hymn selections ('No Pink Floyd, thank you very much') and a will ('give my house to Norris but don't tell him that there's a reverse mortgage on it - he'll find out eventually').

So the mystery is solved. But wait. There's another envelope. Be still my beating heart. Norris, of course, can't resist the temptation and finally opens it. The same story seems to be replayed. It's like having Liz marry Vernon a second time, or having Tracy kill Charlie Stubbs twice (Good idea -ed). The question is why?

Now, after more dillying and dallying, we get to the contents of the second envelope: antique racy photos of Rita (when her hair colour was "natural" according to Norris - so they must be really old). Be still my beating heart again. Is there no end to this slow-moving, treacle-like intrigue of mild interest? Why is Emily keeping x-rated photos of Rita in an envelope? Why did her late husband (Ernest) take the racy snaps? Will Les Battersby ever return to give Norris a good thumping?

Don't get me wrong. I love these characters but I wish they had a story with more substance and verve. Of course, I may change my tune once we discover the truth behind the photos. But one way or another, I'm keeping my fingers crosssed that there are no more envelopes lurking in Emily's drawers. Please.