Thursday, June 25, 2009

The envelope, please

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 24 episode on CBC

Rita, Emily & Norris are the elder statesman & stateswomen of Coronation Street so why is their current storyline so lame?

Perhaps I'm missing something (that's usually the case - ed), but never before in the history of human conflict has so much been made of so little for so long. Emily's sealed post-death envelope has proven to be too much torture for Norris, the busybody. So, after much fretting and fussing, Emily reveals the contents to Norris after a sumptuous dinner, a cup of tea and a couple of Peek Freans. Turns out the mysterious envelope contains nothing more than burial instructions ('Tell Archie Shuttleworth to be on time'), hymn selections ('No Pink Floyd, thank you very much') and a will ('give my house to Norris but don't tell him that there's a reverse mortgage on it - he'll find out eventually').

So the mystery is solved. But wait. There's another envelope. Be still my beating heart. Norris, of course, can't resist the temptation and finally opens it. The same story seems to be replayed. It's like having Liz marry Vernon a second time, or having Tracy kill Charlie Stubbs twice (Good idea -ed). The question is why?

Now, after more dillying and dallying, we get to the contents of the second envelope: antique racy photos of Rita (when her hair colour was "natural" according to Norris - so they must be really old). Be still my beating heart again. Is there no end to this slow-moving, treacle-like intrigue of mild interest? Why is Emily keeping x-rated photos of Rita in an envelope? Why did her late husband (Ernest) take the racy snaps? Will Les Battersby ever return to give Norris a good thumping?

Don't get me wrong. I love these characters but I wish they had a story with more substance and verve. Of course, I may change my tune once we discover the truth behind the photos. But one way or another, I'm keeping my fingers crosssed that there are no more envelopes lurking in Emily's drawers. Please.

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