you had me at 'Richard Hillman'

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the May 28th episode on CBC TV

It's been a long time since a suitor - who was not a serial killer - managed to put a warm, sunny smile on the face of Gail Platt. Now that the mysterious Mr McIntyre (Tina's dad) has popped out of the woodwork, maybe she has a new chance at romance with a regular 'Joe'. (stop with the corny jokes - ed)

I must admit, I'm a little surprised that Joe is diving into this courtship. After all, there are a few, tiny signs that this could be a high-risk adventure. Just look at his daughter's boyfriend, David. Now there's a nice, wholesome lad. Let's see, he drove his car into the canal, gave drugs to his young niece, pushed his mom down the stairs and committed perjury and blackmail. I wonder what Joe's take is on this? I guess it's something along the lines of 'Oh, I got into a bit of bother too when I was a lad.'

Fair enough, but even Gail herself has enough baggage to sink the Titanic. Can you imagine those first cozy dates with Joe? Wait till she recounts her past. After all, one of her ex's was killed in a knife fight outside a bar, another was a toy-boy nurse who became a sports mascot and her last beau arrranged for a nice drive/cruise vacation for her and the family. The only hitch was the cruise was in the canal, there was no boat and it was a one-way trip.

That's one hell of an ice-breaker, but I say 'good luck' to Gail - and to Joe too. They're going to need it.

The shout heard around the world

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the May 27th episode on CBC TV

Now that's more like it: physicial, hard-hitting, exciting. No, I'm not talking about the hockey game, I'm talking about Ken and Deirdre on Coronation Street, finally squaring off about Ken's novel which Deirdre reads and finds to be a damning portrait of him (and her, the "fag smoking monster" - trademark pending). The ensuing argument ends with a ferocious slap (from Deirdre) and a roar from Ken as Blanche innocently wanders into the dining room after the melee.

It's riveting because it gets to the core of Ken's character and has been a strong theme ever since the very first episode. It's the central contradiction of his life. Deirdre said it as well as anyone: "a clever grammar school boy, born in the back streets on Manchester... dealing with fools and harridans around him."

The questions are deceptively simple: Why didn't Ken leave Coronation Street? Why didn't he take that great gift, his blue-chip education, and move onward and upward to great things? Could he really reach his potential in a back street of Weatherfield?

Of course, there have been glimmers of greatness over the years. Ken was an excellent teacher and treated the profession as a noble vocation (rightly so). Then there were his other promising forays: editor of the Weatherfield Recorder, high-paying exective working for Sir Julius Berlin (who?) and energetic community organizer. However, none of these jobs led him to the top or even away from his comfort zone in Coronation Street. Has there been something holding Ken back all these years? Perhaps it's Ken himself (that's what Deirdre thinks). It's a harsh reality to face for anyone, much less someone who has just been to a university reunion talking to a bunch of toffs with great expectations.

Once again, Deirdre captures the essence of the problem and cuts to the chase by asking Ken why he never had the "guts" to leave. Ken's response is simple but quite revealing - part facile excuse but part undeniable truth for anyone and everyone. "Life happens," he says.

Then Blanche wakes up and comes downstairs. As penance for her sins, she has missed all the juicy action.

Bill-uminati

this post makes reference to the May 26th episode on CBC. Please govern yourself accordingly.

Or, to put it another way, Bill sees the light. After a few trips to the racetrack, a few drinks at the Rovers (and Audrey's financial help for Bill's construction business), it seems like Bill Webster and Audrey Roberts are toast. Not even the sage, sensible Ted can patch things up.

The happy couple have been torn asunder not by that ill-fated 'booze cruise' to France but by irreconcilable differences. At least that's what Audrey is saying. Apparently, the fun-loving, monosyllabic Bill is not her "soul mate". That's news to me. Since when is Audrey in search of a sensitive partner to share her secret love of opera and the fine points of a discount perm?

Consider the rogue's gallery of Audrey's past paramours. Alf Roberts was more of a sole mate than soul mate (He loved a nice bit of fish, did our Alf). His biggest assets were his wallet and his status as Mayor of Weatherfield. Was Audrey pining for a soul mate back then? Not on your life. She was too busy swanning around in floppy hats and cutting ribbons at supermarket openings. She may not have regarded Alf as a soul mate, but he certainly was a cash cow mate. After all, Audrey eventually badgered old Alf into buying her a hair salon.

Then there was Fred Elliot (do I detect a pattern here?), the larger-than-life butcher with a soft spot for Audrey and a tendency to propose to anything that moved. Fred carried a torch for Audrey right up to the moment he dropped dead on a shag carpet in her hallway. Was Fred a soul mate? No, but Audrey certainly considered him as a potential partner not because he was sympatico but rather because of his financial.. um... largesse.

So who would qualify as a soul mate for Audrey? Ted Paige perhaps? He's got all the right qualities: refined, fit, cultured, sensitive, caring. There's only one small problem: he's gay.

Tolstoy, Hutchwright & Barlow

Please note that this post makes reference to the May 25th episode on CBC.

Where better to start than with Ken Barlow, the last remaining original cast member and, it turns out, a budding author. The year was 1960. Nikita Khrushchev pounds his shoe at the United Nations. Elvis Presley returns home from Germany after military service. Hugh Grant is born and winks at the nurse in the delivery room. Meanwhile, young Ken was writing the Great British Novel... presumably in the Rovers.

How did that novel start? We can only guess. But I'm betting it went something like,
It was the best of pints, it was the worst of pints. Or maybe it was a more sensuous tome, How do I love Annie Walker, let me count the ways? Or perhaps it simply grabbed the reader's attention with a hearty Call me Kenneth .

Then again, maybe it was a murder mystery based on the unfortunate death of an interfering, crotchety mother-in-law at the hands of a beleaguered university-educated teacher reduced to scraping plates at Roy's Rolls. At this point, we can only speculate. And where has he been hiding this magnum opus all these years? (The attic) Will it be published? (Maybe in the Weatherfield Gazette). If we get really lucky, perhaps 'marvellous' Mel Hutchwright (author of 'Hard Grindings' and esteemed scam artist) will come back to Coronation Street and give Ken some valuable pointers -- in exchange for a small fee and a few drinks of course.

Welcome to Blanche's Polish hip

Hello (or as Blanche might say, 'get on your bike') and thanks for stopping by

Welcome to 'Blanche's Polish hip', a Coronation Street blog named in honour of Blanche Hunt's replacement hip surgery, an operation which was done in Poland for, um, financial reasons and also to make as many people as possible feel guilty (I hope you're listening, Deirdre) . Blanche is the acerbic beacon for this tongue-in-cheek commentary on the Coronation Street episodes watched by faithful Canadian fans every weekday.

Blog posts are generally updated following the airing of weekday episodes on CBC TV so please be aware of the potential for spoilers -- especially if you're a Sunday omnibus edition viewer.

I hope you enjoy visiting (or as Blanche might say, 'stop reading this mindless twittering and put the kettle on')