spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the March 2 episode on CBC
Hmm. New Amy, old Tracy, a cat fight at the funeral service and we haven't even got to the buffet yet. FYI, Ken Barlow (aka William Roache) said he actually hurt his shoulder while carrying the coffin (you can see him wince if you watch closely). Anyhoo, in case you missed it, here's Deirdre's eulogy which she delivered at the funeral. It was very touching.
"The only thing my mother didn’t organize about her funeral was this speech. In my day, she said, if something bad happened you stayed home, got drunk and bit on a shoe. She would have been made up to see everybody here like this, the community out in force. Someone even mentioned that our local cafe had closed today as a mark of respect.
She lived for her family, my mum. "Four generations of us lot - there’s not many families can say that," she used to say when we were together. Only three generations now. I know it seems daft but I’m 54 and I feel like an orphan.
We've had our ups and downs as a family, more than our fair share actually, and I honestly don’t know how I would have got through the worst times, how me and Ken and Tracy and Peter would have coped without that mean-spirited old witch in the corner telling us to stop blubbering, pull our socks up and our fingers out. Yeah she was good with words. And people have used a few to describe her to me over the last few days: Unique, fearless, honest, oh I think actually they were being polite there. I think brutal might have been nearer the mark.
Anyway she always used to say that people giving eulogies always prattled on too long and they'd be better off picking a few words to sum up the deceased, clear off and let the mourners get to the buffet. But how do you choose just a couple of words to describe this one, eh?
Me and Ken tried for ages to come up with them and we never really did hit on the right ones, but there are only two words that I'll think of when I remember her, two words that sum up her love, her support, her protection, her loyalty and her strength: My mother."
Showing posts with label Blanche. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blanche. Show all posts
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
No shambolic funeral for Blanche Hunt
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Feb 28 episode on CBC
Blanche has made her wishes known regarding her funeral and is speaking out from beyond the grave in the form of a letter which describes, in great detail, what she does and doesn't want in her funeral arrangements. And Blanche, bless her, knows what she's talking about. She's been to more funerals than I've had hot suppers. In fact, she's had a lot of hot suppers at funerals. Going to funerals was Blanche's hobby and, as a result, she has thoughtfully compiled an 'A' funeral (what she would ideally like) and a 'B' funeral (what she'll settle for). I've taken the liberty of adding a 'C' funeral just for fun. Let's compare:
Type of funeral
A. Christian burial with full service
B. Burial with modest service
C. Cremation at that shifty place on Rosamund Street
Funeral music:
A. Scots Guards playing 'How great thou art'
B. Branny from knitter natter plays the recorder
C. Lloyd plays some of his Northern Soul CDs
Eulogy:
A. C of E Minister with a nice baritone at the church
B. May from the One O'Clock club
C. Simon reading the eulogy he wrote for Leanne (the rabbit not the ex-escort)
Reception:
A. Four-Star hotel with hot and cold buffet
B. Rovers with Elliot pies and sausage rolls
C, Kebab shop (hot sauce not included)
Blanche has made her wishes known regarding her funeral and is speaking out from beyond the grave in the form of a letter which describes, in great detail, what she does and doesn't want in her funeral arrangements. And Blanche, bless her, knows what she's talking about. She's been to more funerals than I've had hot suppers. In fact, she's had a lot of hot suppers at funerals. Going to funerals was Blanche's hobby and, as a result, she has thoughtfully compiled an 'A' funeral (what she would ideally like) and a 'B' funeral (what she'll settle for). I've taken the liberty of adding a 'C' funeral just for fun. Let's compare:
Type of funeral
A. Christian burial with full service
B. Burial with modest service
C. Cremation at that shifty place on Rosamund Street
Funeral music:
A. Scots Guards playing 'How great thou art'
B. Branny from knitter natter plays the recorder
C. Lloyd plays some of his Northern Soul CDs
Eulogy:
A. C of E Minister with a nice baritone at the church
B. May from the One O'Clock club
C. Simon reading the eulogy he wrote for Leanne (the rabbit not the ex-escort)
Reception:
A. Four-Star hotel with hot and cold buffet
B. Rovers with Elliot pies and sausage rolls
C, Kebab shop (hot sauce not included)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Blanche Hunt, we'll miss you
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the May 23 episode on CBC
Well, we knew it had to happen and we were waiting for it to happen but it's still a shock to see Ken take that phone call from Spain and be faced with breaking the news to Deirdre about her mother. I've been dreading this/these episode(s) since we got the sad news that Maggie Jones (the actor who plays Blanche Hunt) had passed away . BPH did a little tribute to Blanche back then but we also knew (because of the Canadian broadcast delay) that we'd have a few more months to enjoy Blanche's acerbic wit and savour her caustic, funny one-liners.
Now, we are only left to wonder what Blanche might have said about:
Gail Platt being in jail
(at least Tracy will have someone to talk to.. must be terrible to be locked up, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you Deirdre?)
Audrey's pay-as-you-go fancy man
(Audrey Roberts swanning around with a rental gigolo? Whatever he's charging, he should double it)
Norris & Mary
(I shudder to think what goes on in that camper van. although not much I'd imagine if it's down to Norris)
George Wilson (after he kidnapped Simon):
"All looks and no brains, that one, I just thank my lucky stars that Ken and Deirdre don't have that problem"
Well, we knew it had to happen and we were waiting for it to happen but it's still a shock to see Ken take that phone call from Spain and be faced with breaking the news to Deirdre about her mother. I've been dreading this/these episode(s) since we got the sad news that Maggie Jones (the actor who plays Blanche Hunt) had passed away . BPH did a little tribute to Blanche back then but we also knew (because of the Canadian broadcast delay) that we'd have a few more months to enjoy Blanche's acerbic wit and savour her caustic, funny one-liners.
Now, we are only left to wonder what Blanche might have said about:
Gail Platt being in jail
(at least Tracy will have someone to talk to.. must be terrible to be locked up, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you Deirdre?)
Audrey's pay-as-you-go fancy man
(Audrey Roberts swanning around with a rental gigolo? Whatever he's charging, he should double it)
Norris & Mary
(I shudder to think what goes on in that camper van. although not much I'd imagine if it's down to Norris)
George Wilson (after he kidnapped Simon):
"All looks and no brains, that one, I just thank my lucky stars that Ken and Deirdre don't have that problem"
Thursday, June 17, 2010
misfortune teller
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 16 episode on CBC
She knows all, sees all, tells all, insults all - for only three quid. All proceeds go to charity*. Roll up, roll up (is that one of those veiled drug references from the 60s? - ed). Let Simon, the Mysterious Assistant & former Robin, show you into Madame Hunt's murky den of commuting spirits - aka Deirdre's sitting room. Silence! Madame Blanche will use her crystal ball (and artificial hip) to divine the future, to know the unknowable to mither the unmitherable. Silence! Madame Hunt speaks:
You will meet a tall, dark stranger... (probably Dev, when you nip round the corner for a pint of milk and a loaf of bread)
You are destined to take a sea voyage... (if you're Ken Barlow and decide to have it off with a tarty actress on a tugboat)
You will meet many men... (if you dress like a tart or Kelly Crabtree - or both)
Your lifeline is very long... (more's the pity given the state of our National Health and meagre pensioner's benefits)
You will go on a long journey... (especially if you have to wait for the Weatherfield bus to get to town, the schedule is atrocious)
You will find great fortune and riches beyond your wildest dreams... (unless you get laid off like Deirdre or wind up collecting supermarket trolleys like Kenneth)
*minus personal expenses and a percentage of the gross - don't breathe word to that busybody Claire Peacock.
She knows all, sees all, tells all, insults all - for only three quid. All proceeds go to charity*. Roll up, roll up (is that one of those veiled drug references from the 60s? - ed). Let Simon, the Mysterious Assistant & former Robin, show you into Madame Hunt's murky den of commuting spirits - aka Deirdre's sitting room. Silence! Madame Blanche will use her crystal ball (and artificial hip) to divine the future, to know the unknowable to mither the unmitherable. Silence! Madame Hunt speaks:
You will meet a tall, dark stranger... (probably Dev, when you nip round the corner for a pint of milk and a loaf of bread)
You are destined to take a sea voyage... (if you're Ken Barlow and decide to have it off with a tarty actress on a tugboat)
You will meet many men... (if you dress like a tart or Kelly Crabtree - or both)
Your lifeline is very long... (more's the pity given the state of our National Health and meagre pensioner's benefits)
You will go on a long journey... (especially if you have to wait for the Weatherfield bus to get to town, the schedule is atrocious)
You will find great fortune and riches beyond your wildest dreams... (unless you get laid off like Deirdre or wind up collecting supermarket trolleys like Kenneth)
*minus personal expenses and a percentage of the gross - don't breathe word to that busybody Claire Peacock.
Friday, December 4, 2009
TGIF: Blanche's best
Remember! Coronation Street airs at 3pm eastern, on Friday December 4.
No spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
Dear Corrie fans, please bear with me as regularly scheduled BPH programming is suspended to honour the incomparable Blanche Hunt/Maggie Jones. I know I said I would share my theory about the nefarious Tony Gordon but, with your indulgence, I will devote this week's TGIF (Tony Gordon, it's Friday) to some of the memorable lines from Blanche.
"I’ve been to more funerals this year than you’ve had hot dinners"
re: Deirdre's cooking prowess
"This turkey’s so dry, it could choke a camel!"
re: Liz McDonald:
“Skirt no bigger than a belt, too much eyeliner and roots as dark as her soul.”
re: Ken's novel, retrieved from the attic:
"So, not even the moths have shown interest in it."
“Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky”
Re: Peter Barlow
“He’s as much use as a wet tea towel”
Re: an aquaintance's sexual orientation:
“She’s got a cat called Navratilova”
No spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
Dear Corrie fans, please bear with me as regularly scheduled BPH programming is suspended to honour the incomparable Blanche Hunt/Maggie Jones. I know I said I would share my theory about the nefarious Tony Gordon but, with your indulgence, I will devote this week's TGIF (Tony Gordon, it's Friday) to some of the memorable lines from Blanche.
"I’ve been to more funerals this year than you’ve had hot dinners"
re: Deirdre's cooking prowess
"This turkey’s so dry, it could choke a camel!"
re: Liz McDonald:
“Skirt no bigger than a belt, too much eyeliner and roots as dark as her soul.”
re: Ken's novel, retrieved from the attic:
"So, not even the moths have shown interest in it."
“Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky”
Re: Peter Barlow
“He’s as much use as a wet tea towel”
Re: an aquaintance's sexual orientation:
“She’s got a cat called Navratilova”
***
Shots from the hip... As you may imagine, there are several websites dedicated to Blanche's best lines like 'What would Blanche say?' among others. Enjoy and I'll be back next week with my Tony Theory. Thanks for the nice comments and have a good weekend.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
In praise of Blanche
I'm posting a special Blanche's Polish Hip entry in honour of Maggie Jones, the wonderfully talented actor who played Blanche Hunt on some 830 memorable episodes of Corrie. She died at the age of 75.
Blanche Hunt was a fixture in the Barlow-Hunt household for many years and was famous for her acerbic tongue. She could be, in turn, maddening, funny, misanthropic, hyper-critical, obstinate, supportive, vulnerable and exasperating (mostly to Ken and Deirdre).
But her forte was an uncanny ability to deliver the best lines (real zingers) with wit and verve and impeccable timing.
A few random examples:
“He’s as much use as a wet tea towel”
"He’s not the fizziest drink in the fridge, is he?"
and, my personal favourite...
“Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky”.
It's no coincidence that Blanche is the patron saint of this blog and the inspiration behind much of my feeble ramblings. She was a finely drawn character and beautifully portrayed by Maggie Jones, authentic and original. I can say no more other than she will be dearly missed by many fans of Corrie.
For more details about this sad news you can check out these links at the BBC, The Telegraph and the CBC.
Blanche Hunt was a fixture in the Barlow-Hunt household for many years and was famous for her acerbic tongue. She could be, in turn, maddening, funny, misanthropic, hyper-critical, obstinate, supportive, vulnerable and exasperating (mostly to Ken and Deirdre).
But her forte was an uncanny ability to deliver the best lines (real zingers) with wit and verve and impeccable timing.
A few random examples:
“He’s as much use as a wet tea towel”
"He’s not the fizziest drink in the fridge, is he?"
and, my personal favourite...
“Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky”.
It's no coincidence that Blanche is the patron saint of this blog and the inspiration behind much of my feeble ramblings. She was a finely drawn character and beautifully portrayed by Maggie Jones, authentic and original. I can say no more other than she will be dearly missed by many fans of Corrie.
For more details about this sad news you can check out these links at the BBC, The Telegraph and the CBC.
Friday, August 28, 2009
best one-liners
no spoilers were used in the making of this post
Ahoy Corrie nation. It's the proverbial calm after the storm on the street. The wailing, weeping and gnashing of teeth following Liam's death has subsided, Carla is in LA, Tony is acting chummy, Stape has been apprehended and Rosie is back at home. All's quiet on the Northern front -- for now. The most recent episodes have been 'repositioning' episodes (to borrow a term from the cruise industry), setting up future storylines, re-introducing characters (Graham, Simon and maybe Haley in the near future) and tying up loose ends. So, it's probably a good time to present a recap of some of the best one-liners on recent shows. Here's my pick of the week:
"He's about as cut out for fatherhood as I am for rugby league" -- Blanche (about Peter Barlow's parenting prowess)
"The guilt trip express is due to leave in 5...4...3..." -- Peter Barlow (about his dad, Ken)
"The word 'dysfunctional' was created for our family" -- Peter (about the Barlow clan).
"I've seen the way they look at you, those young girls" -- Julie (about her Kirk).
"It's at times like this, I wish I'd got me fondue set" -- Julie (trying to comfort a distraught Fiz)
"I didn't see that" -- Giles, Tony's accountant, (upon receiving a cheque with Carla's forged signature from Tony)
"I always knew there was something weird about John Stape. Eyes like a dead fish." -- Vickie (describing Fiz's ex)
"Nice to know he can be a decent human being when he wants to be" - Sally (about Tony Gordon after the Tonemeister shows up to 'check up on Rosie' with flowers and a soothing brogue)
"It's not easy when you've got someone locked in your Gran's attic" -- John Stape explaining the hardships associated with being a kidnapper)
Ahoy Corrie nation. It's the proverbial calm after the storm on the street. The wailing, weeping and gnashing of teeth following Liam's death has subsided, Carla is in LA, Tony is acting chummy, Stape has been apprehended and Rosie is back at home. All's quiet on the Northern front -- for now. The most recent episodes have been 'repositioning' episodes (to borrow a term from the cruise industry), setting up future storylines, re-introducing characters (Graham, Simon and maybe Haley in the near future) and tying up loose ends. So, it's probably a good time to present a recap of some of the best one-liners on recent shows. Here's my pick of the week:
"He's about as cut out for fatherhood as I am for rugby league" -- Blanche (about Peter Barlow's parenting prowess)
"The guilt trip express is due to leave in 5...4...3..." -- Peter Barlow (about his dad, Ken)
"The word 'dysfunctional' was created for our family" -- Peter (about the Barlow clan).
"I've seen the way they look at you, those young girls" -- Julie (about her Kirk).
"It's at times like this, I wish I'd got me fondue set" -- Julie (trying to comfort a distraught Fiz)
"I didn't see that" -- Giles, Tony's accountant, (upon receiving a cheque with Carla's forged signature from Tony)
"I always knew there was something weird about John Stape. Eyes like a dead fish." -- Vickie (describing Fiz's ex)
"Nice to know he can be a decent human being when he wants to be" - Sally (about Tony Gordon after the Tonemeister shows up to 'check up on Rosie' with flowers and a soothing brogue)
"It's not easy when you've got someone locked in your Gran's attic" -- John Stape explaining the hardships associated with being a kidnapper)
***
Shots from the hip... that's it for the week. Enjoy the Sunday omnibus edition and thanks for stopping by. One last public service announcement: As of Monday, August 31, Corrie moves to 6.30pm on weekdays. Please check your local listings for the correct broadcast time in your region.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Deadbeat Dads?
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 25 episode on CBC
Why is Ken taking a hard line with Peter on the subject of fatherhood and responsibility? My guess is that Barlow Senior is having a little deja vu (surely there's an ointment for that? - ed), a deja vu which dates back a few decades.
Back in the 70s, Ken was a single father too, faced with the daunting prospect of raising twins (Peter & Susan) after his wife died in an unfortunate hairdryer accident (It was the 70's, after all. I think Duran Duran almost drowned in a vat of mousse). Admittedly, those were different times, but Ken was still faced with a tough decision and he chose to send the kids to live with his wife's parents in Scotland (I know a nice lad from there, name's Tony I believe - ed).
Ken? Well, he stayed on the street, led a merry bachelor life, bedded and wedded a bevy of ladies (ask Blanche for details). But I think he still lives with the regret of not being a better father and perhaps that's what motivates him to take on his paternal and grandfatherly duties with such gusto these days. So, when he sees Peter ready to do a runner back to Portsmouth ("I'm not cut out to be a dad," explains Peter), Ken sees a part of himself from 30 years ago.
Perhaps that's why Ken loses it and starts pulling the bag out Peter's hands, telling him to face up to his responsibilities. It's probably something Ken wishes he had done all those years ago and I think he's probably speaking to himself -- as much as anyone else.
As for Blanche, well, as always she has the best line about Peter's behaviour, "...he's never out of that fridge, I think he might have a tape worm."
Small wonder that Peter was back in the Rovers 30 minutes later, having a drink with a comely young woman. What was her name again? Oh yeah, Leanne Battersby. That'll work out nicely.
Why is Ken taking a hard line with Peter on the subject of fatherhood and responsibility? My guess is that Barlow Senior is having a little deja vu (surely there's an ointment for that? - ed), a deja vu which dates back a few decades.
Back in the 70s, Ken was a single father too, faced with the daunting prospect of raising twins (Peter & Susan) after his wife died in an unfortunate hairdryer accident (It was the 70's, after all. I think Duran Duran almost drowned in a vat of mousse). Admittedly, those were different times, but Ken was still faced with a tough decision and he chose to send the kids to live with his wife's parents in Scotland (I know a nice lad from there, name's Tony I believe - ed).
Ken? Well, he stayed on the street, led a merry bachelor life, bedded and wedded a bevy of ladies (ask Blanche for details). But I think he still lives with the regret of not being a better father and perhaps that's what motivates him to take on his paternal and grandfatherly duties with such gusto these days. So, when he sees Peter ready to do a runner back to Portsmouth ("I'm not cut out to be a dad," explains Peter), Ken sees a part of himself from 30 years ago.
Perhaps that's why Ken loses it and starts pulling the bag out Peter's hands, telling him to face up to his responsibilities. It's probably something Ken wishes he had done all those years ago and I think he's probably speaking to himself -- as much as anyone else.
As for Blanche, well, as always she has the best line about Peter's behaviour, "...he's never out of that fridge, I think he might have a tape worm."
Small wonder that Peter was back in the Rovers 30 minutes later, having a drink with a comely young woman. What was her name again? Oh yeah, Leanne Battersby. That'll work out nicely.
***
Shots from the hip... thanks for your comments. Much appreciated. Don't forget that the countdown is on for the time change. As of Monday, August 31, Corrie moves to 6.30pm on weekdays. Please check your local listings and remember to reserve the services of a local teenager to change the settings on your VCR (or in my case the wax cylinder recording system).
Friday, July 31, 2009
If Blanche kept a diary...
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 30 episode on CBC
Although it has been a banner week for Corrie watchers, I can't help feeling that we're somehow missing the valuable perspective of one Blanche Hunt. If only she had access to a computer, I think her online diary might go something like this...
"Ken has skulked off to the Weatherfield Library to 'get some peace and quiet'. Claims he can't hear himself think while I'm watching 'Britain's Got Talent'. So while he's gone, I'm having a quick go at his computer. Any idea what 'delete all files and reset to factory default means' ? Me neither. It's all gibberish if you ask me but never mind, there's nothing on here except Ken's writing and we already know no-one's interested in that. I've said it before and I'll say it again: he's no Barbra Cartland.
I saw that Tony Gordon this morning wearing a nice bit of tartan. In fact I saw him several times outside Roy's Rolls. By gum. he certainly gets around. It's like he's everywhere. That's the kind of 'get up and go' you need to get ahead in the business world. I keep telling Kenneth he could learn a thing or two from him - instead of pushing grocery carts at Freshco's or making bacon butties for Roy Cropper and his manwife.
Haven't seen Norris around lately. Emily Bishop says he hurt his back. Came as a bit of a surprise to me. Seems to me a back injury implies you have backbone. By all accounts, Norris Cole had his removed after he got married. Besides backache is nought when you've got a Polish hip like mine. If it weren't for the occasional medicinal G &T to dull the pain, I don't know how I'd survive.
Looks like that Fiz Brown ignored my advice about that philandering teacher man of hers. Hope she at least got him doctored or sure as eggs that Thomas will be sniffing around again first chance he gets. Don't say I didn't give fair warning.
Must go. Deirdre is cooking (at least that's what she calls it). Got a nice bit of beef in the oven and she only knows two settings: 'burned' and 'dry enough to choke a camel'. Now, how do you switch this thing off?"
Although it has been a banner week for Corrie watchers, I can't help feeling that we're somehow missing the valuable perspective of one Blanche Hunt. If only she had access to a computer, I think her online diary might go something like this...
"Ken has skulked off to the Weatherfield Library to 'get some peace and quiet'. Claims he can't hear himself think while I'm watching 'Britain's Got Talent'. So while he's gone, I'm having a quick go at his computer. Any idea what 'delete all files and reset to factory default means' ? Me neither. It's all gibberish if you ask me but never mind, there's nothing on here except Ken's writing and we already know no-one's interested in that. I've said it before and I'll say it again: he's no Barbra Cartland.
I saw that Tony Gordon this morning wearing a nice bit of tartan. In fact I saw him several times outside Roy's Rolls. By gum. he certainly gets around. It's like he's everywhere. That's the kind of 'get up and go' you need to get ahead in the business world. I keep telling Kenneth he could learn a thing or two from him - instead of pushing grocery carts at Freshco's or making bacon butties for Roy Cropper and his manwife.
Haven't seen Norris around lately. Emily Bishop says he hurt his back. Came as a bit of a surprise to me. Seems to me a back injury implies you have backbone. By all accounts, Norris Cole had his removed after he got married. Besides backache is nought when you've got a Polish hip like mine. If it weren't for the occasional medicinal G &T to dull the pain, I don't know how I'd survive.
Looks like that Fiz Brown ignored my advice about that philandering teacher man of hers. Hope she at least got him doctored or sure as eggs that Thomas will be sniffing around again first chance he gets. Don't say I didn't give fair warning.
Must go. Deirdre is cooking (at least that's what she calls it). Got a nice bit of beef in the oven and she only knows two settings: 'burned' and 'dry enough to choke a camel'. Now, how do you switch this thing off?"
***
Shots from the hip... That's it for the week. Thanks for visiting, thanks for the comments and enjoy the weekend. I'll be back next Tuesday as the fallout from Carla's hen party and Tony's stag continues.
Friday, July 3, 2009
The Bollywood Graduate
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 2 episode on CBC
So, it all becomes clear. Dev is the graduate. Nina is Mrs. Robinson and her beautiful young daughter, Tara, is Elaine. It's 'The Graduate', Bollywood-style so let the fun and games begin.
I guess the first big clue was that infamous 'leg shot' of Dev while he was having it off with Nina a few episodes back. That was just an appetizer (a samosa surely? - ed) for the action to come. Dev is invited over to Prem and Nina's for dinner. He comes armed with a box of the finest chocolates that money can buy - from The Kabin - which Norris is only too happy to unload. (Seems no-one on the Street wants to pay 16 pounds for candy which saw its best buy date elapse during the Thatcher years).
But Prem has a surprise in 'store' for Dev (ixnay on the puns - ed). He introduces the Devster to his comely young daughter, Tara, who is in town for a visit. Tara is currently working in London but is thinking of escaping the excitement, energy and verve of one of the world's great capitals for the charms of Weatherfield where a gal can take time to just stop and smell the roses (unless the canal is backed up on a hot day).
At dinner the chemistry is electric. Dev shows that he still has all the player moves as he reels off witty lines like, "This sauce is amazing." Meanwhile Nina is the consummate green-eyed monster, undercutting Dev's qualities at every opportunity. Prem says Dev has 'a retail empire'. Nina says he has 'corner shops'. And so on. No matter, Tara is definitely intrigued by Dev and vice versa. Nina is becoming suspicious, jealous and angry. She tries to slam the door on the Tara-Dev relationship before it begins. "I'm afraid that's not going to happen," she hisses as she quickly escorts Dev out of her home. "My husband may have some strange ideas but they're easily dealt with." (what strange ideas? spontaneous combustion? fur underwear?).
So the stage is set for The Graduate, Bollywood style. If memory serves me correctly (unlikely - ed), the original Graduate with Dustin Hoffman back in 1967 eventually worked out okay for Ben and Elaine. Who knows how the Bollywood version will end? In the meantime, 'Here's to you Mr. Allahan... etc etc.'
....
Hip Pocket: Blanche is back with the best line of the week ('natch) about none other than John Stapes, "Once a Thomas strays, they never settle again - unless you get them doctored." Thanks for visiting and enjoy the Sunday omnibus. I'll be back next Tuesday.
So, it all becomes clear. Dev is the graduate. Nina is Mrs. Robinson and her beautiful young daughter, Tara, is Elaine. It's 'The Graduate', Bollywood-style so let the fun and games begin.
I guess the first big clue was that infamous 'leg shot' of Dev while he was having it off with Nina a few episodes back. That was just an appetizer (a samosa surely? - ed) for the action to come. Dev is invited over to Prem and Nina's for dinner. He comes armed with a box of the finest chocolates that money can buy - from The Kabin - which Norris is only too happy to unload. (Seems no-one on the Street wants to pay 16 pounds for candy which saw its best buy date elapse during the Thatcher years).
But Prem has a surprise in 'store' for Dev (ixnay on the puns - ed). He introduces the Devster to his comely young daughter, Tara, who is in town for a visit. Tara is currently working in London but is thinking of escaping the excitement, energy and verve of one of the world's great capitals for the charms of Weatherfield where a gal can take time to just stop and smell the roses (unless the canal is backed up on a hot day).
At dinner the chemistry is electric. Dev shows that he still has all the player moves as he reels off witty lines like, "This sauce is amazing." Meanwhile Nina is the consummate green-eyed monster, undercutting Dev's qualities at every opportunity. Prem says Dev has 'a retail empire'. Nina says he has 'corner shops'. And so on. No matter, Tara is definitely intrigued by Dev and vice versa. Nina is becoming suspicious, jealous and angry. She tries to slam the door on the Tara-Dev relationship before it begins. "I'm afraid that's not going to happen," she hisses as she quickly escorts Dev out of her home. "My husband may have some strange ideas but they're easily dealt with." (what strange ideas? spontaneous combustion? fur underwear?).
So the stage is set for The Graduate, Bollywood style. If memory serves me correctly (unlikely - ed), the original Graduate with Dustin Hoffman back in 1967 eventually worked out okay for Ben and Elaine. Who knows how the Bollywood version will end? In the meantime, 'Here's to you Mr. Allahan... etc etc.'
....
Hip Pocket: Blanche is back with the best line of the week ('natch) about none other than John Stapes, "Once a Thomas strays, they never settle again - unless you get them doctored." Thanks for visiting and enjoy the Sunday omnibus. I'll be back next Tuesday.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
gotcha!
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 22 episode on CBC
The prime suspects:
Royston Cropper - known simply as 'Roy' to friends and foes alike. An eccentric, criminal mastermind and the brains of the operation, brilliantly throwing police off his trail for years by consistently operating what appears to be a legitimate backstreet cafe in the premises of a legitimate backstreet cafe. Oh sure, he's kept his nose clean. No prior convictions or run-ins with the law - with the possible exception of a late VAT payment (which was not his fault but rather a late post office delivery).
Kenneth Barlow - known simply as 'grandad' within the criminal fraternity. This pernicious pensioner may be a little long in the tooth but that's just what he wants you to think. Barlow serves as Cropper's right-hand man and minder. Don't cross him. His henchmen include a plumber with a love for historic castles ('Jolly Roger') and a shadowy thug known only as "Blanche" who punishes her enemies with a combination of biting sarcasm and snide remarks.
The crime:
Trying to return a cellular phone to a couple of miscreants. A typical opening gambit by Messrs. Cropper and Barlow. They're not interested in blow or crack. Etiquette is their game. Their modus operandi is to start small, eventually getting their victims hooked on good manners and even saying 'please' and 'thank you'. The sick bastards.
The evidence:
Cropper's legendary briefcase is the proverbial smoking gun. It contains a wealth of incriminating evidence: minutes from a Weatherfield Historical Society meeting, a valid library card, two lemon slices and a guide to trainspotting in the Greater Manchester area.
Book 'em, Dano
The prime suspects:
Royston Cropper - known simply as 'Roy' to friends and foes alike. An eccentric, criminal mastermind and the brains of the operation, brilliantly throwing police off his trail for years by consistently operating what appears to be a legitimate backstreet cafe in the premises of a legitimate backstreet cafe. Oh sure, he's kept his nose clean. No prior convictions or run-ins with the law - with the possible exception of a late VAT payment (which was not his fault but rather a late post office delivery).
Kenneth Barlow - known simply as 'grandad' within the criminal fraternity. This pernicious pensioner may be a little long in the tooth but that's just what he wants you to think. Barlow serves as Cropper's right-hand man and minder. Don't cross him. His henchmen include a plumber with a love for historic castles ('Jolly Roger') and a shadowy thug known only as "Blanche" who punishes her enemies with a combination of biting sarcasm and snide remarks.
The crime:
Trying to return a cellular phone to a couple of miscreants. A typical opening gambit by Messrs. Cropper and Barlow. They're not interested in blow or crack. Etiquette is their game. Their modus operandi is to start small, eventually getting their victims hooked on good manners and even saying 'please' and 'thank you'. The sick bastards.
The evidence:
Cropper's legendary briefcase is the proverbial smoking gun. It contains a wealth of incriminating evidence: minutes from a Weatherfield Historical Society meeting, a valid library card, two lemon slices and a guide to trainspotting in the Greater Manchester area.
Book 'em, Dano
Monday, May 25, 2009
Tolstoy, Hutchwright & Barlow
Please note that this post makes reference to the May 25th episode on CBC.
Where better to start than with Ken Barlow, the last remaining original cast member and, it turns out, a budding author. The year was 1960. Nikita Khrushchev pounds his shoe at the United Nations. Elvis Presley returns home from Germany after military service. Hugh Grant is born and winks at the nurse in the delivery room. Meanwhile, young Ken was writing the Great British Novel... presumably in the Rovers.
How did that novel start? We can only guess. But I'm betting it went something like,
It was the best of pints, it was the worst of pints. Or maybe it was a more sensuous tome, How do I love Annie Walker, let me count the ways? Or perhaps it simply grabbed the reader's attention with a hearty Call me Kenneth .
Then again, maybe it was a murder mystery based on the unfortunate death of an interfering, crotchety mother-in-law at the hands of a beleaguered university-educated teacher reduced to scraping plates at Roy's Rolls. At this point, we can only speculate. And where has he been hiding this magnum opus all these years? (The attic) Will it be published? (Maybe in the Weatherfield Gazette). If we get really lucky, perhaps 'marvellous' Mel Hutchwright (author of 'Hard Grindings' and esteemed scam artist) will come back to Coronation Street and give Ken some valuable pointers -- in exchange for a small fee and a few drinks of course.
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