Wednesday, June 17, 2009

CSI Weatherfield

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 16 episode on CBC

I'm thinking about an idea for a Coronation Street spin-off called 'CSI Weatherfield'. It would be a slick series about a down-market crime scene investigation unit based in a spiffy building somewhere near the Red Wreck. The detectives would be called in to investigate different crime scenes each week. One week, it could be a building site where endangered bats have been evicted. Another episode would focus on a man in London seen going to a bar with another man. Then there's the case of a Kebab shop owner who is rushed to hospital after banging his head on a coffee table.

Poor Jerry is in surgery. At first glance, it looks like an open and shut case. He's a man who is not in very good physical shape with a diagnosed heart condition. He banged his head and, because he's on blood thiners, his internal bleeding is difficult to stop. This is sad and gut-wrenching for Darryl and Mel and the other kids. However, I am looking forward to detectives putting Teresa in an interrogation room under a light and grilling her (with time out for fag breaks, of course).

The only puzzling part of this whole unhappy plot is Teresa herself, a hard-faced opportunist, liar, cheat, shirker, skiver... (That's enough. We get it - ed). She seems to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever and that's unusual on the Street. Of course, there's also the curious case of David Platt, succeeding in his devious plan to get back together with Tina. Frankly, I'm surprised that Tina has succumbed to the dubious charms of the Platt-man. I guess she's forgotten that quaint little cautionary rhyme which, I believe, goes something like this:

One for sorrow
Two for a pal
Three for a psycho driving in the canal
Four for a table
Five for the chairs
Six for the yob who pushed his mom down the stairs

Well, what were you expecting? Keats?

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