Tuesday, June 16, 2009

a tale of two chest pains

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 15 episode on CBC

It had to happen sooner or later. Kebab King Jerry had another heart episode. He took a perilous tumble and thudded to the floor, but not before hitting his head on a coffee table on the way down. Looks like Teresa's strategy has worked - or has it? What exactly was the plan? An overdose of heart medication could make Jerry sick, but then again, it could kill him. Unless Teresa has a phD in pharmacology from Weatherfield Technical Institute (magna cum mither), she would hardly be in a position to know what would happen. Even without the double doses of heart pills, Jerry was hardly on the road to healthy living. Curries, half pints, chips at the kebab shop, a half block stroll to the Rovers and custard with apple pie all seem to be part of his demanding regime. Let's just say he wasn't exactly living la vida vegan.

On the other side of town, a scene of similar horror and dread was taking place. I'm talking about Dev and the Bollywood babe. Nina continues to rack up double entendres at a faster pace than Usain Bolt running the 100 metres. Then, before you can say 'Bombay Duck', the twosome engage in a lively bit of 'garam masala' (enough with the suggestive ethnic metaphors - ed). Maybe it's me, but I just don't get it. Admittedly, Dev's let himself go since his traumatic breakup with Sunita but he used to be a player (slogan: "a comely companion in every corner shop"). Remember? Now he's entering the world of farce, a veritable horndog millionaire with a Bollywood retiree and a hairy chest (you could lose a golf ball in there!).

Oh the humanity!

Teresa's recipe for custard (clip and save)
Six large eggs
Five heaping spoons of sugar
Four of Jerry's heart pills
Three pints milk

Heat and beat (the custard, not Jerry)

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