Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Backside Wiper

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 11 episode on CBC

Senior Backside Wiper (salary range: £000-£000)

As a demonstrated leader, facilitator and organizer, you have a dynamic vision of superior customer service and a flair for superior results - in the field and on paper. Reporting to Nancy Gaskell, you will lead a distinguished team of seasoned (i.e. retired) professionals to exotic international locales, ensuring that the highest standards of care and excellence are achieved in all areas -- from top to.. er... bottom.

Your roles and responsibilities include:
- interfacing with a broad based cross-section of our clientele
- taking a 'hands-on' approach to problem solving
- acting on continuous input and dialoguing with a challenging group
- 'hand and foot' style service, providing tea and alcohol-based beverages at frequent intervals

Interested applicants must be:
- mobile (very mobile) and willing to relocate
- attuned to the needs of a specific demographic (on the high side of 70)
- knowledgeable about bursitis, rheumatism and gout
- familiar with basic principles of health and personal hygiene

Bilingualism is a definite ass-et as successful candidates will be required to say things like: "You call this tea?" and "Where's the WC dammit, this is an emergency" -- in English and French.

To learn more about this exciting opportunity in the hospitality sector, contact Deirdre Barlow at 1-800-FAG-BREAK.

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