Friday, August 21, 2009

Jail time

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 20 episode on CBC

Weatherfield's finest may want to consider opening up a branch right on Coronation Street (the bookie's place is available or maybe they could buy one of Tony's swanky but empty condos). With an on-street facility, think of the time and money the police could save on driving, petrol etc. especially now that business is booming. In fact, the way things are going, half the Street could well be in the slammer before you can say 'Wormwood Scrubs'. I don't know what's going to happen but just consider all the possibilities:

John Stapes is charged with kidnapping and forcible confinement after keeping Rosie Webster locked up for five weeks (that's a lot of pasta salads and Celebrity magazines - ed) and sent down for three years minus a day, plus a week's detention at Weatherfield Comprehensive.

Rosie Webster is charged with assault causing bodily harm after whacking John-Boy on the noggin. She is sent down for three months plus one month of community service (which actually entails staying away from the community).

Kevin Webster goes after Stapes again (Round Two: this time it's personal - ed) and lands a roundhouse punch in the ex-teacher's kisser, resulting in two months for aggravated assault. Sally is aghast, again. She prefers to have a quiet word with Stapes about the incident.

Beckie Granger is charged with common assault and faces two years in P4W unless she agrees to dinner and dancing at Delfino's with DC Hooch. (I'll take the two years - ed)

Steve Macdonald is charged with obstruction of justice for lying to police about Beckie's alibi and is sentenced to 30 days less time for good behaviour - unless Jim shows up on visiting day and belts a prison guard.

Michelle Connor is charged with common assault after hitting Steve in the family jewels with a hot pot when she discovers that Steve has been telling police about an affair with Beckie. She is let off with a suspended sentence provided she participates in the Weatherfield police annual karaoke night (I hear DC Hooch does a mean 'Phil Collins' - ed)

Janice and Leanne Battersby are charged with several counts of identity theft, fraud and robbery. Further investigation reveals more alarming details about Leanne's involvement in a restaurant arson case. They are both let off with a stern warning.

Blanche Hunt is sued for slander by Nancy Gaskell after comparing Nancy to the devil and suggesting that she has cloven hooves. The case is thrown out and Blanche does not go to jail however she says she might as well because living with Ken and Deirdre "is just like prison without the regular meals".

Norris Cole is charged with identity theft after a certain Noretta Cole from Blackpool complains that someone stole her prize underwear in connection with a dream date contest. Norris chooses to represent himself in court but loses his case when none of his character witnesses show up. He is sentenced to two months of community service in the kebab shop.


Shots from the hip... that's it for the week. Thanks for stopping by and enjoy tonight's episode as well as Sunday's omnibus. Cheers.

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