Thursday, September 3, 2009

FAQ for Tara

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 2 episode on CBC

Poor Tara. She has just discovered that mommy dearest has been having it off with her ex-boyfriend, Greg -- and this was going on while Tara and Greg were a couple. Now, Tara's judgment, when it comes to men, may be - how you say - 'bad' (Dev is exhibit 'A' - ed). But she certainly deserves some comfort and reassurance at her time of need -- especially as she comes to terms with her Libidinous Bollywood Mom™. Tara comes crying to Dev but Dev, of course, can't help because he's up to his ying yang in duplicity. So the task of responding to Tara falls to Blanche's Polish Hip (BPH). We're happy to oblige:

Tara: "He (Greg) told me he'd had an affair with my mother, my own mother!"
BPH: That's awful but I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this. Perhaps your mother suffers from a medical disorder or behavioural anomaly like sleepwalking, only instead of walking in her sleep, she unconsciously has sex with your, I mean boyfriend.

Tara: "They'd go away for dirty weekends together"
BPH: Let's stay calm here. Perhaps these weekends were of an educational nature or trust-building exercises which just happened to involve the 'Mumbai mambo'. Anyway, if I know your mom (and believe me I don't -- although I seem to be the exception), most of that weekend time was probably devoted to suggestive comments, aerobic eyelash batting and watching her old Bollywood movies.

Tara: "He (ex-boyfriend Greg) had the nerve to tell me that she (Nina) seduced him!"
BPH: Nina? The same Nina who is a seductive temptress and incorrigible flirt, vamping it up in front of any tasty man she sets her beady eyes on? Impossible. That Greg must be to blame. He probably gave her the old 'come on' by saying something filthy like: "Hello, Mrs. Mandal." The swine.

Tara: "How could she do that to her own flesh and blood?"
BPH: Easy. Lots of cheap wine, satin sheets, chamomile incense -- and an inside lock on her front door to thwart any escape attempt.


Shots from the hip... tomorrow is the last day before the labour day weekend and I'll be celebrating by offering a short (and hopefully amusing) Corrie quiz. See you then.

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