So, let's summarize: Ashley smells like offal, Steve is pasty-faced and a potential 'ugly sister', Becky has figure like a broom and Claire... well... Claire could easily find herself on the losing end of a catfight if she continues to be 'friends' with Becky. It's an odd combination. Becky is a bit of a loner and a woman of the world with a checkered past. Claire is a straight-laced, school marm with mental health issues. It's certainly the oddest odd couple since Alf and Audrey got together. (I now pronounce you Mayor and wife - ed)
Apparently, the only thing that could possibly bring Claire & Becky together is (free booze and paracetamols? - ed) ... a pantomime. Hmm. According to Wikipedia, pantomime incorporates: song (Rita & Michelle), dance (Kelly), buffoonery (Dev), slapstick (Dev again), cross-dressing (Graeme), in-jokes (Norris), audience participation (the Windasses), and mild sexual innuendo (Molly & Kev). So I guess we have the basic ingredients already.
I believe the art form also requires two people dressed up in an animal costume, like a horse or a cow. In a single costume, one actor is the head and front legs, while the other is the body and back legs. I would respectfully suggest that Lloyd play the ass. (I second that motion - ed)
The only remaining question is where on earth can you stage a pantomime in the Rovers? (Graeme says there's lots of room in the ladies' bog - ed). I'll leave that logistical conundrum in the hands of our esteemed landlord, Steve Macdonald. Can't wait for opening night.
Thanks very much for the comments and the heads-up regarding Blanche's last screen appearances. I am fervently hoping to see Blanche find Ken in the department store playing Santa. The look on her face plus the resulting stream of caustic one-liners would be priceless. Cheers.