Thursday, November 11, 2010

Desire Solutions & Rosie Webster

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Nov 10 episode on CBC

Aha! Looks like Rosie Webster got a letter regarding her breast augmentation. I wonder what it says...

Desire Solutions Inc.
221 Cleavage Terrace
Manchester 362436

Dear Ms Webster,

Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding the cosmetic beauty services offered by Desire Solutions. We are delighted to welcome you among our many customers who have benefited from enhancement. We, at Desire Solutions, have been pioneers in the medical field known as buxomology for many years (our experts worked with Elsie Tanner many years ago).

We encourage all our clients to make an informed decision when choosing Desire Solutions. In that respect, we are pleased to respond to your questions.

First, a technical note, The surgical procedure is actually called mammaplasty and not mammamiaplasty, as your sister Sophie wrongly informed you. Furthermore, the augmentation has nothing whatsoever to do with the 70s Swedish supergroup, ABBA. Nor is there any possibility of you looking like Benny or Bjorn after the procedure is completed.

Second, the consultation is conducted by a qualified surgeon. Please be assured that at no time during the consultation will your breasts be "ogled by some perv off the street" as you so eloquently put it.

Third, for your information, breast implants are either made from saline or silicone gel. Once again, your sister, Sophie, provided erroneous information when she told you that the implants were "made mostly from old chip buttys and the like".

Lastly, while we at Desire Solutions strive for complete customer satisfaction, we cannot guarantee that the augmentation procedure will be your "ticket out of this dump". We can however assure you that the result will enhance your physique inside - or outside - of the "dump".

Thank you again for your interest in Desire Solutions. If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to contact one of our trained consultants.


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