Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Is it John Stape or Colin Fishwick or JC Stape-Fishwick?

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 1 episode on CBC

Well, well. It seems that Jack Duckworth has a bucket list (items 1 thru 20 are 'lap dance', item 21 is pigeon grooming and item 22 is a pint in the Rovers). In other news, John Stape's old teaching colleague has stopped by and discovered that people on Coronation Street actually refer to his pal Colin Fishwick as 'John' which prompts the perfectly natural question: Why everyone is calling you 'John'? I'm sure ol' Colin/John will cook up an explanation along the lines of...

a) "Ah. Well it's very simple really. Because of the longstanding feud between my mother and me, I have taken a vow to disown the very name that she gave me at my birth. For that reason, I refuse to be known as 'Colin' and instead have adopted the name 'John' for exclusive use on Coronation Street. All perfectly understandable as you can see."


b) "Ah. Well it's very simple really. The gentleman who was calling me 'John' is actually a neighbour named Owen Armstrong who has an unfortunate speech developmental problem (he's a builder, if you catch my drift) which means he cannot articulate the word 'Colin'. So I told the poor fellow to simply substitute the word 'John' for the word 'Colin'. It's just like 'The King's Speech' really"


c) "Ah. Well, it's very simple really. There happen to be two Colins on Coronation Street so just to make things easier I have graciously deferred to the other Colin on Coronation Street and allowed him to continue using the moniker 'Colin' while I have agreed to be called 'John' (as a tribute to Leanne Battersby's former profession)."


d) "Ah. Well it's very simple really. The real Colin is sitting under poured concrete in the knicker factory down the street and I stole Colin's identity to become a teacher because I was barred from teaching for kidnapping a teenage student slapper and keeping her captive in my gran's attic."

Take your pick...

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