no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
As many people know, four Coronation Street stars are touring Canada and scheduled to appear at Place des Arts this Thursday in Montreal, the hometown of Blanche's Polish Hip. The tour, called "Tales from the Street", features Steven Arnold (Ashley Peacock), Julia Haworth (Claire Peacock), Charles Lawson (Jim McDonald) and Nicholas Cochrane (Andy McDonald).
What you may not know is that I have just received authorization from Blanche's Polish Hip's accounting director (Gordon Tony) to make the following generous offer.
Blanche's Polish Hip is offering an all-expenses paid luxury lunch for all four (yes, even Andy) members of the Coronation Street cast tour. This is the best offer that has ever been made by a time-wasting, cheesy, virtually reader-free blog since Al Gore invented the Internet.
Here's what the offer includes:
- a chauffeur-driven ride in a state-of-the-art 1995 Toyota Corolla from your hotel (or hostel depending on your tour contract) to the fast-food establishment of your choice (already selected by Gordon Tony in order to meet cost-cutting criteria)
- your choice of a famous Quebec gourmet meal: either a smoked meat sandwich or poutine
- a small beverage (non-alcoholic, sorry Jim)
- witty banter from Blanche's Polish Hip ("So how long are you going to be in 'Spain', Andy?")
- dessert (I already have four Mars Bars)
- a scenic drive back to your hotel (or hostel) past some of the most majestic construction roadwork and breathtaking potholes this side of the Rockies
- memories to last a lifetime (you won't forget this, try as you might)
That's it. Now all you have to do is contact Blanche's Polish Hip (corrieheartATgmailDOTcom) to claim your fabulous prize, and we at BPH will take care of the rest. How can you refuse?
Now for the fine print:
Please note that all conditions are subject to change. BPH is not responsible for the safety of passengers in the 1995 Toyota Corolla or incidents caused by rust. Please check with your independent travel insurance provider in case of accident. Smoked meat sandwiches provided may or may not contain actual meat. Poutine is a registered trademark of Pierre Poutine and not a recognized source of nutrients. All Coronation Street stars are required to comply with the terms and conditions of this offer with the exception of Jim MacDonald who can do whatever the hell he likes (so he can) and punch me on the nose at his discretion and in accordance with Coronation Street guidelines. Offer void where prohibited.