Sunday, March 11, 2012

Lloyd's lamentable love life

no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post

Where to begin with Lloyd and his strange saga of loves lost?

Well, let's see. There was Kelly "Legs" Crabtree.  It was a fatal attraction. He was attracted to her legs. She was attracted to his dosh. However she didn't know about the indecent proposal by which old Lloydie acquired cash from a married woman (with whom he was having an affair) to buy half of Streetcars . (eh? - ed). I know, it's complicated. (Not complicated. hard to believe that Lloyd was selling his body for money, unless it was to science - ed).

The result?  Lloyd wound up with a laxative in his beer and a quick (very quick) trip to Weatherfield General.

Let's move on.

Ah yes. Then there was his famous May-December relationship (with Emily Bishop? - ed). It all started with a salsa class. Their eyes meet across a hardwood floor and before you could say "leopard skin top con mucho cleavage", Lloyd and Liz were having a steamy samba - much to the chagrin of Steve. But it couldn't last. Lloyd just wasn't Liz's type and so he had his heart broken again.

Go on.

Well, it was a proverbial case of out of the frying pan and into the fire. Lloyd fell out of Liz's arms and into... wait for it .. Teresa's clutches. Yes, that Teresa, ex-wife of Jerry the Kebab King, alcoholic, skiver and skint (I'm sorry, you'll have to narrow it down a bit - ed). Lloyd felt sorry for Teresa and took her in. Talk about your Odd Couple. But, like all good things, it had to end.

And so?

Well, where does anyone go to meet a nice, young woman with whom one can have a long-term relationship? A strip club, of course. There, Lloyd, the eternal nice guy with a soft heart, met Cheryl the Pole Dancer. It was love at first four-drink minimum. But Cheryl had enough baggage for an Air Canada surcharge: an abusive husband, a child and a lousy job. Lloyd was the knight in shining armour, generous to a fault, supportive and loving. He gladly took in Cheryl and Russ.

But Chris is a registered psycho with a brain tumour and he used his medical condition to get back with Cheryl. So where does that leave Lloyd? Same as always, heart broken and on the losing end of a high risk, doomed relationship. Poor Guy. It's not like there are a million nice fellas on the Street. If anyone deserves some happiness, it's Lloyd.

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