Well, this is certainly embarrassing. I went away for the Victoria Day weekend and it turned into a skive-a-thon of epic proportions. Excuses? I was tied up by John Stape, held hostage by Tony Gordon and locked in Underworld by Frank Foster. (well, two out of three isn't bad - ed) But the important thing is that I'm back and our IT specialist, Luke Skivewalker, has activated the sophisticated electronic recording equipment (FYI, it's the 'on' switch - Luke) that allows us to monitor, with extreme precision, who's cat fighting with whom.
So let's get back to business with a few choice lines from the past two weeks (Tony Gordon, It's Sunday? - ed). Drum roll please:
Julie to Brian:
"Everyone sees you as this incredible teacher"
(kind of like Mr. Holland's Doofus?)
Gail to Audrey re: Lewis the Bounder:
"He's as slippery as a bucket of eels"
(coincidentally, he's also currently living in flat the size of bucket)
Brian reveals the ugly reproductive truth to Julie:
"My boys can't swim"
(Yes, but what about your spermatozoa?)
Lewis writes a note of apology to Peter for stealing his money:
"I'm really sorry"
(if he had committed murder his note would have said, "I'm really, really sorry")
Audrey lashes out at Deirdre on the subject of erotic escapades with Lewis:
"Better a bed than a bookies' counter"
(I'll put a fiver on 'Snoggin' the Bounder' to win)
Lewis is trying to be truthful with Audrey regarding his intentions::
"Most of us sleepwalk through life"
(especially if you work at Underworld)
Ches wants to do more to help Katie with the baby:
"There's no 'I' in family"
(or in 'spelling' apparently)
Beth to Tracy:
"You're not as bad as folks say"
(actually she is)
Leanne returns to give Carla a piece of her mind:
"Peter's addicted to you like he is to booze. Sooner or later the hangover kicks in"
(...damn, that's means yet another support group in addition to his AA meetings)
My apologies again for a prolonged absence. In the immortal words of Lewis Archer, "I'm really sorry" (but it would have been even worse if I'd stolen £3,000 from you). I'll be watching next week and I hope you will be too. Have a great Sunday and I'll meet you back here (that's what they all say - ed) next week right here at the Hip.