Well, this is certainly embarrassing. I went away for the Victoria Day weekend and it turned into a skive-a-thon of epic proportions. Excuses? I was tied up by John Stape, held hostage by Tony Gordon and locked in Underworld by Frank Foster. (well, two out of three isn't bad - ed) But the important thing is that I'm back and our IT specialist, Luke Skivewalker, has activated the sophisticated electronic recording equipment (FYI, it's the 'on' switch - Luke) that allows us to monitor, with extreme precision, who's cat fighting with whom.
So let's get back to business with a few choice lines from the past two weeks (Tony Gordon, It's Sunday? - ed). Drum roll please:
Julie to Brian:
"Everyone sees you as this incredible teacher"
(kind of like Mr. Holland's Doofus?)
Gail to Audrey re: Lewis the Bounder:
"He's as slippery as a bucket of eels"
(coincidentally, he's also currently living in flat the size of bucket)
Brian reveals the ugly reproductive truth to Julie:
"My boys can't swim"
(Yes, but what about your spermatozoa?)
Lewis writes a note of apology to Peter for stealing his money:
"I'm really sorry"
(if he had committed murder his note would have said, "I'm really, really sorry")
Audrey lashes out at Deirdre on the subject of erotic escapades with Lewis:
"Better a bed than a bookies' counter"
(I'll put a fiver on 'Snoggin' the Bounder' to win)
Lewis is trying to be truthful with Audrey regarding his intentions::
"Most of us sleepwalk through life"
(especially if you work at Underworld)
Ches wants to do more to help Katie with the baby:
"There's no 'I' in family"
(or in 'spelling' apparently)
Beth to Tracy:
"You're not as bad as folks say"
(actually she is)
Leanne returns to give Carla a piece of her mind:
"Peter's addicted to you like he is to booze. Sooner or later the hangover kicks in"
(...damn, that's means yet another support group in addition to his AA meetings)
***
My apologies again for a prolonged absence. In the immortal words of Lewis Archer, "I'm really sorry" (but it would have been even worse if I'd stolen £3,000 from you). I'll be watching next week and I hope you will be too. Have a great Sunday and I'll meet you back here (that's what they all say - ed) next week right here at the Hip.
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