Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Terry Duckworth's Five-Year Business Plan

please note: this post makes reference to the July 9 episode on CBC

the story so far... Tyrone tries to get back to normal with Kirsty after her violent behaviour, Kirsty takes a job at Underworld, the flower power struggle (yawn) continues between Norris and Gail, Julie's operation went well but her ovaries were removed and she can't have children, Paul and Eileen's vacation is derailed by Leslie's illness, David is pining for Kylie, Karl and Sunita are at it again and the loan sharks are back to extract more money from Terry and to threaten Tina.

Say what you like about Terry Duckworth, at least he has a vision. Like all great business leaders, TD has a strategic business plan (do a runner with other people's money? - ed).

Yes, he's made a few mistakes along the way but who among us hasn't, at some point, tried to rip off our parents? or sell a child? or pretend to donate a kidney to our mother?  Exactly. So what is the Mission Statement for Seventh Heaven? (to make men horny? - ed) Where does the President & CEO of Seventh Heaven see his company in five years? (hard to say, he'll probably be in the nick - ed). Let's take a look ahead at the business development strategy that will take Seventh Heaven to the next level.

Year 1: Duckworth International's flagship lap dancing venture, Seventh Heaven, is launched firmly establishing the Duckworth brand as a premier platform for sleazy after hours entertainment. All key indicators are on the upswing including council bribes, arrests of pensioner protestors and filched capital from naive Tommy. A strategic alliance with one of Weatherfield's leading loan shark organizations creates synergy and threats of physical violence..

Year 3: Eighth Heaven is launched, expanding the Duckworth brand and increasing Revenue Lap Dances (RLDs) by 61% in the greater Manchester area while loan shark-related leg breaking and threats are up 43%. A fleet of BMWs is stolen... er.. I mean leased.. to support corporate objectives.

Year 5: Ninth Heaven opens as a joint venture between Duckworth International and Virgin. Terry convinces Virgin CEO Richard Branson to repel down the side of the Rovers as a publicity stunt, while he steals Branson's Porche. Junior Vice President, Tommy Duckworth, still believes that his Dad has changed.

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