Thursday, July 5, 2012

Will new strip club provide stimulus to Coronation Street?

please note this post makes reference to the July 4 episode on CBC

by Corrie Heart, Senior Lap Dancing Reporter & Food Critic

A new after hours club, currently under construction in Weatherfield, will add jobs and provide much-needed economic relief for local residents says entrepreneur and owner Terry Duckworth. In an exclusive interview with the Weatherfield Gazette, Mr. Duckworth described his new business venture, Seventh Heaven, as a premium lap dancing venue with "top quality lighting" and other fixtures.

"This is just what this sad street needs," said Mr. Duckworth while evicting pensioners from the club's construction site. "We're creating good-paying jobs which don't require expensive uniforms or even much clothing. At the same time we're stimulating the punters, er I mean economy, and servicing the community. It's a win-win situation."

The after-hours club will be located near an upscale Bistro, a taxi company, a pub, a corner store, a chippie and a fussbudget newsagent. Mr. Duckworth insists that his new enterprise will create "sexy synergy" with these existing businesses.

"We're going to add some much needed class with the finest lap dancers and booze in the North," added Mr. Duckworth, whose previous business ventures include: selling his son, stealing from his parents and reneging on a kidney donation to his ailing mother. But local newspaper merchant and busybody, Norris Cole, says his citizens group will fight the proposed strip club with civil disobedience, protests and, if necessary, songs from the rock group, Queen.

"There'll be no den of inequity on this street," he said. "Not on my watch."


Read other fake Weatherfield Gazette stories from the archives about Rosie Webster , Coronation Street staircase accidents,

No comments:

Post a Comment