please note this post makes reference to the September 17 episode on CBC
New research unveiled by Stella Price's mother concludes that a woman's ability to catch and keep a man depends almost entirely upon two crucial factors: age and bust size.
The surprising conclusions follow several years of studies in Spain involving women of varying ages and endowments. In almost all cases, according to Gloria Price, the loss of a man can be attributed solely to a small bust and advancing years - or a lethal combination.
In some cases, according to Professor Price, breast enlargement can help but it is the total bust size divided by age (or the 'bustage coefficient' as it's called by Gloria Price) that ultimately determines man attractiveness. For example, a woman with a 36 inch bust and an age of 41 has a 'Bustage Coefficent of 0.87 - just enough to keep a man like Karl.
However, a woman with a 34 inch bust and an age of 46 has a 'Bustage Coefficient' of 0.73, which, as Gloria told Stella, is too low to hang onto a man, even a sub-standard man like Karl.
Gloria Price plans to publish her complete findings on the wall of the ladies' room in the Rovers.