Ken Barlow's Ocean Pie Recipe

Question: What do you call two alcoholics, a murderer and an ex-con? Answer: Anniversary night at the Barlow’s. Yes, it’s all very festive and the fabulous evening begins (and ends) with Ken’s gourmet ocean pie. How can I get that recipe, you say? Well, here it is, at least this is what I think it is. Get those ovens pre-heating and prepare for an anniversary supper you’ll never forget (try as you might).

What you will need:

1 small onion (borrow one from Wendy ‘Flaming’ Crozier)
2 cloves (you can probably find some on the floor at the bookies)
1 bay leaf (£1 each at the Corner Shop)
Several flagons of wine (that’s how Carla likes her pie)
cod and haddock (from the seafood place near Martha’s barge)

Jumbo shrimp (Ken says that's an oxymoron) 
4 eggs (too late Tracy had them for breakfast)
4oz butter (ditto)
fresh parsley (look in the ginnel next to the bins)
freshly grated nutmeg (you can order it special from Freshcos)
potatoes(stored in the outdoor loo for freshness)

1 Kimono (Ken wouldn't be caught without it... or would he?)

1 copy Weatherfield Gazette (you need something to read while the pie is burning)

Method:

Mix everything together, bake and serve with a generous side of ‘Uptown Girl’ by Billy Joel and a shoulder massage from Rob. 

Happy Anniversary, Deirdre! (but still no card)