Dear Mr. Platt,
We are pleased to inform you that our experts here at Gene's Discount DNA Services have concluded that you are indeed the father of the child whose saliva sample you sent to us (next time, please use an envelope).
At the same time, our lab experts couldn't help but notice some disturbing genetic information associated with your DNA. Specifically: 14q21 (the 'nutter' gene), 17p8 (the 'headcase' gene) and 23q51 (the 'psycho killer qu'est-ce que c'est' gene). We would strongly advise you to contact one of our genetic counsellors before engaging in further procreative activities.
and now some lines from the week that was:
Kylie asks Gail's opinion about personal baby odor:
"Do I smell of sick?"
(Why, has David been hanging around?)
Sally has a word with Carla about Eva's promotion:
"I'm not somebody who likes to complain"
(I'm somebody who loves to complain)
Michelle's Dad tries his luck with Eileen:
"Are you on your own, or is there a Mr. Eileen?"
(not unless she's planning a sex change in the near future)
Barry, the sly dog, tries it on again:
"Why don't we spend some time together?"
(Sorry Barry, Mick Jagger has the copyright on that line)
Roy to Hailey:
"We have to be kind to one another"
(everyone except David)
David tries to get a DNA sample from baby Lily:
"Look who's here. Mr Swaby Waby"
(Very nice to meet you, Mr. Waby or may I call you Swaby)
Kylie thinks David thinks she's stupid:
"Have I got a coconut instead of a head"
(no comment - just try not to fall on Keith Richards)
Kylie tells David what her problem is:
"Two kids, no sleep, one paintbrush and a slag"
(Hey, isn't that the plot of Ocean's Eleven?)
Kylie complains about her appearance to Eva:
"I look like Marilyn Manson with a hangover"
(Quick, get the Paracetamols, stat!)
David speaks frankly to Nick:
"What makes you think you can sleep with my wife and get away with it?"
(an induced coma?)
Well, lovers of Corrie, that's it for another week. Nick is better (or will be once the surgeons remove the cloth cap from his head), Davey finally passes a text (DNA), Roy is learning to dance and Steve and Michelle now own a pub. Oh yes, and Liz is back. I'll bet the wardrobe department is working overtime next week. Gotta love it. Thanks so much for stopping by and have a great week. Cheers!