Thursday, April 26, 2018

Coronation Street Canada's Top 5 Platt-itudes of Gail Rodwell

Gail Rodwell (née Potter, previously Tilsley, Platt, Hillman and McIntyre) hasn’t changed much over the years. She still thinks psycho-son David is just misunderstood, she still thinks Nicky walks on water and she still thinks her family is wonderful. The latest salvo? Ol’ Davey Boy battered Gary Windass to within an inch of his life during a boxing match. But don’t worry, it’ll all blow over.

Here is the Gospel according to Gail, as summarized by her top five Platt-itudes.

1. We have to talk: Poor Gail thinks that a nice little chat and a cup of tea at that tiny kitchen table will solve most of her family’s problems. I don’t think so. Her daughter was married to a criminal who wound up dead in a manhole in her Granny flat. Nicky has brain trauma. Audrey got assaulted by thug-in-training Simon. Bethany is an ex-lap dancer who was exploited by a vermin tanning mogul. Talk? Run, would be a better idea.

2. David’s just angry: Um, I don’t think so. He tried to push you down the stairs, remember? He gave your granddaughter Ecstasy. He’s assaulted numerous people including Ken, Jason and Gary. Rugby players get angry. David’s not angry he’s a ball of nutbar rage.

3. Our family has to stick together: Um. I don’t really see why, unless you’re trying to break some kind of Guinness World record for the number of people living in one tiny house.

4. My Darling Nicky: Ah yes, the missing son (link?) whom Gail really loves (more than David). Except Darling Nicky Tilsley can be a bit of a plank too when he feels like it. Sleeping with David’s wife, comes to mind.

5. Unlucky in love: Let’s see. Five husbands including a toy boy nurse, a chiropodist, contractor, a serial killer and a burglar (the chiropodist was pretty bad). “Unlucky” is missing the lottery prize by one number. Gail’s track record is more like Dante’s Inferno.

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