Tuesday, June 23, 2009


spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 22 episode on CBC

The prime suspects:

Royston Cropper - known simply as 'Roy' to friends and foes alike. An eccentric, criminal mastermind and the brains of the operation, brilliantly throwing police off his trail for years by consistently operating what appears to be a legitimate backstreet cafe in the premises of a legitimate backstreet cafe. Oh sure, he's kept his nose clean. No prior convictions or run-ins with the law - with the possible exception of a late VAT payment (which was not his fault but rather a late post office delivery).

Kenneth Barlow - known simply as 'grandad' within the criminal fraternity. This pernicious pensioner may be a little long in the tooth but that's just what he wants you to think. Barlow serves as Cropper's right-hand man and minder. Don't cross him. His henchmen include a plumber with a love for historic castles ('Jolly Roger') and a shadowy thug known only as "Blanche" who punishes her enemies with a combination of biting sarcasm and snide remarks.

The crime:

Trying to return a cellular phone to a couple of miscreants. A typical opening gambit by Messrs. Cropper and Barlow. They're not interested in blow or crack. Etiquette is their game. Their modus operandi is to start small, eventually getting their victims hooked on good manners and even saying 'please' and 'thank you'. The sick bastards.

The evidence:

Cropper's legendary briefcase is the proverbial smoking gun. It contains a wealth of incriminating evidence: minutes from a Weatherfield Historical Society meeting, a valid library card, two lemon slices and a guide to trainspotting in the Greater Manchester area.

Book 'em, Dano

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