Tuesday, November 17, 2009

oy vey maria

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 16 episode on CBC

Maria, lovey, you've got to get a grip (...on Tony's neck? - ed). You and 'sprog-of-Liam' could end up behind bars for aiming a mid-size Japanese sports car at Tony Gordon (good mileage though - ed).

Maria's Mitsubishi in happier times...
Let's take a deep breath and think about this for a moment. Your way (misspelled graffiti, wild accusations, attempted auto-homicide) doesn't seem to be working. I suggest you take a few simple precautions and then maybe you'll have better success. With respect, here's my five simple tips:

1. If you must confront Tony Gordon, please don't do it alone in a locked house or in a locked office at Underworld. Try bringing someone with you (like Fiz or, in a worse case scenario, Kirk) to ensure your safety and to act as a witness.

2. Have you ever thought of bringing a small recording device with you when you talk to Tony? These small digital devices are cheap and easy to use. Maybe you can catch Tony confessing to something on tape. That way you wouldn't seem so - how you say - off your head.

3. For goodness sake, think of the baby. You can't continue to go charging around, working yourself into a lather and getting airbagged in car collisions. This is not good for the sprog. Try to think ahead and look at what's really important (your health and the baby's health).

4. The next time you're in the Kabin, try slapping Norris on the head a la 'Benny-Hill'. It may not help, but it would be fun and I, for one, would enjoy it. (Sorry, this one's a bit off topic)

5. Get a plan. If you think Tony killed Liam (and Jed Stone), you need proof. Ask questions. Find the bald-headed accomplice. Ask the police about the car which hit Liam and was then disposed of or burned or something. If you need help, enlist Audrey. She's skeptical right now but just point out to her that Richard Hillman tried to make her seem crazy too. I'm sure she'll come around.

I know that right now you're out of your head with grief, worry and fear but you've got lots of friends on the street who want to help you. You just have to give them - and yourself - a chance.

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