please note that this post make reference to the August 22 episode on CBC
I'm certainly not opposed to rediscovering an old flame or rekindling an old romance (you sound like an arsonist or Graeme Proctor or both -ed). I only mention this because old romances seem to be everywhere on Coronation Street.
There's Steve and Michelle. Well, technically just Steve so far but they do seem to be spending a lot of quality time together, mostly due to the new and unimproved Ryan (drugs, skiving, lying... what's not to like? - ed). Steve is definitely interested but Michelle doesn't seem to be reading the signals yet (particularly Steve's pink shirt signal; he looks like a Chippendale's taxi driver having a bad hair day - ed). Still, it looks like something may be in the cards.
Then there's Jason and Maria. Our receptionist, Abby Downton, tells me that Jason and Maria were an item many years ago but then Jason had it off with a co-hairdresser (Candace). Funny, I don't remember any of that (must be the drugs... or the Hob Nobs - ed). Anyhoo, now the cute twosome have a budding romance thanks to the matchmaking skill of Marcus.
Last - and most definitely least - there's old Kevin still trying to get his feet under the table at Sal's. Yes, he's got a sprog and yes the sprog is his lovechild from a sordid affair with his best mate (don't make such a palaver out of it - ed), but Kev still thinks that Sally can "get past all that". The scary thing is, he may be right.
Showing posts with label Maria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maria. Show all posts
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Work for Kirk
First of all, Maria using Skype™ while in Cyprus? Pull the other one. Although I do believe the factory girls make frequent use of Skive™ while making 'softwear' at Underworld.
But I digress (and with ugly puns to boot - ed ). My plea today is for gainful employment for one Kirk Sutherland. I freely admit that, in this blog, not much space is devoted to ol' Kirkie (I guess that's because it would be considered a waste of space - ed). But, I really think Kirk has been hard done by in the employment arena and that's a shame because Kirk does have some good qualities and marketable skills (although most of his skills have gone to the dogs - ed). And, of late, I notice that Kirk's advice to Tyrone about women is curiously astute (like the Rainman in the body of Dear Abby - ed).
Anyway, for better or worse, I have a soft spot for Kirkie (in your head probably - ed) and I can think of a few job opportunities to be explored.
First and foremost, he really should be at the butcher's shop. I know that Ashley fired Kirk during a downsizing (wouldn't have happened on Fred's watch, I say, wouldn't happen - ed). It's nice for Graeme to have a steady job but Kirk has the chops to slice chops and he should be there at Ashley's aching side.
If not meat, what about being a delivery driver for Tony? I notice that Tone was quick to give Kirk the ol' 'McHeave Ho' when Kirk asked for a job at the factory but as I recall Jamie Baldwin used to do an adequate job driving the Underworld van and I bet Kirk could be just as adequate.
As a last resort, I think Kirk could even replace Nanny McPhee in the Kabin, as Norris' trusty sidekick. Oh sure, Kirk might not have the intellectual heft that Norris seeks but at least Kirk opens his mouth once in a while (even if he does sometimes forget to close it - ed). Anyhoo, I'd like to see Kirk get a job and soon. Someone in the Sutherland family deserves a bright future and the way things are going, I don't think that's going to be Maria.
But I digress (and with ugly puns to boot - ed ). My plea today is for gainful employment for one Kirk Sutherland. I freely admit that, in this blog, not much space is devoted to ol' Kirkie (I guess that's because it would be considered a waste of space - ed). But, I really think Kirk has been hard done by in the employment arena and that's a shame because Kirk does have some good qualities and marketable skills (although most of his skills have gone to the dogs - ed). And, of late, I notice that Kirk's advice to Tyrone about women is curiously astute (like the Rainman in the body of Dear Abby - ed).
Anyway, for better or worse, I have a soft spot for Kirkie (in your head probably - ed) and I can think of a few job opportunities to be explored.
First and foremost, he really should be at the butcher's shop. I know that Ashley fired Kirk during a downsizing (wouldn't have happened on Fred's watch, I say, wouldn't happen - ed). It's nice for Graeme to have a steady job but Kirk has the chops to slice chops and he should be there at Ashley's aching side.
If not meat, what about being a delivery driver for Tony? I notice that Tone was quick to give Kirk the ol' 'McHeave Ho' when Kirk asked for a job at the factory but as I recall Jamie Baldwin used to do an adequate job driving the Underworld van and I bet Kirk could be just as adequate.
As a last resort, I think Kirk could even replace Nanny McPhee in the Kabin, as Norris' trusty sidekick. Oh sure, Kirk might not have the intellectual heft that Norris seeks but at least Kirk opens his mouth once in a while (even if he does sometimes forget to close it - ed). Anyhoo, I'd like to see Kirk get a job and soon. Someone in the Sutherland family deserves a bright future and the way things are going, I don't think that's going to be Maria.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Kirk's Sister
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 4 episode on CBC
Well, you can put away the DNA test and cancel that call to CSI because, if there was ever any doubt that Maria is actually related to Kirk, it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt when our Maria decided to announce her engagement to Tony -- to Liam's horrified, grieving mother and father, while sipping champagne on the one-year anniversary of Liam's death.
As Audrey might say: "What were you thinking, lovey?"
Talk about a bonehead Sutherland move. Yes, it's true that Barry and Helen can be a little hard to take, but, they are, after all, still struggling with the loss of their second son. And, especially on the anniversary of his death, it might have been a good idea to keep things a little low key and not rub their noses in it by having Tony around. Would it kill Maria to keep Tony on the back-burner for 72 hours ? (I like the idea of Tony on a back-burner - ed)
Then, of course, there's Tony himself, proposing to Maria on the anniversary of Liam's death in front of the gravestone at the cemetery and then topping it off with a nice bottle of bubbly (Cuvee Tactless 1993). As Helen says: "What exactly are you celebrating?" Hey, Tony, why not go all the way and put on a Tony Gordon mask while you're at it?
The only other possible explanation for Tony's lamentable behavior is that this is all part of some sick, twisted, revenge plot (see Tony Theory, part 1 & 2). Maria, on the other hand, well I guess it just runs in the family.
Well, you can put away the DNA test and cancel that call to CSI because, if there was ever any doubt that Maria is actually related to Kirk, it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt when our Maria decided to announce her engagement to Tony -- to Liam's horrified, grieving mother and father, while sipping champagne on the one-year anniversary of Liam's death.
As Audrey might say: "What were you thinking, lovey?"
Talk about a bonehead Sutherland move. Yes, it's true that Barry and Helen can be a little hard to take, but, they are, after all, still struggling with the loss of their second son. And, especially on the anniversary of his death, it might have been a good idea to keep things a little low key and not rub their noses in it by having Tony around. Would it kill Maria to keep Tony on the back-burner for 72 hours ? (I like the idea of Tony on a back-burner - ed)
Then, of course, there's Tony himself, proposing to Maria on the anniversary of Liam's death in front of the gravestone at the cemetery and then topping it off with a nice bottle of bubbly (Cuvee Tactless 1993). As Helen says: "What exactly are you celebrating?" Hey, Tony, why not go all the way and put on a Tony Gordon mask while you're at it?
The only other possible explanation for Tony's lamentable behavior is that this is all part of some sick, twisted, revenge plot (see Tony Theory, part 1 & 2). Maria, on the other hand, well I guess it just runs in the family.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
name game
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 21 episode on CBC
So, Maria has finally done it (slept with Tony? - ed). Her nine-month odyssey is over (learning how to spell 'murder'? - ed). Now comes the hard part (trying not to get killed by a psycho-Scot? - ed). She has to come up with an appropriate name for her new sprog. Maybe the name will be inspired by the unusual circumstances of the birth? Or her late husband? Or her new Scot? We can only guess what her list of baby names looks like:
Son of a Beach
Sandy
George Sand
Eddie Shack (named after the shed where the baby was born)
Right Said Shed
911
Ocean
L-I-am
New Wave
Tony Gordon II
Tony
Gordon
Ozzy Osbairn (Tony's suggestion)
Liam Tony Gordon Sutherland
Kirk the Second
So, Maria has finally done it (slept with Tony? - ed). Her nine-month odyssey is over (learning how to spell 'murder'? - ed). Now comes the hard part (trying not to get killed by a psycho-Scot? - ed). She has to come up with an appropriate name for her new sprog. Maybe the name will be inspired by the unusual circumstances of the birth? Or her late husband? Or her new Scot? We can only guess what her list of baby names looks like:
Son of a Beach
Sandy
George Sand
Eddie Shack (named after the shed where the baby was born)
Right Said Shed
911
Ocean
L-I-am
New Wave
Tony Gordon II
Tony
Gordon
Ozzy Osbairn (Tony's suggestion)
Liam Tony Gordon Sutherland
Kirk the Second
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
MSG
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 6 episode on CBC
MSG? It's short for Maria Sutherland-Gordon. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Really makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up (not to mention the hair on your back and your palms - ed). What's going on anyway chez Maria? Tony and Maria are busy playing 'happy families' and it's turning my stomach (poor Ozzy, he has to watch and can't say a word - ed).
There's psycho-killer turned happy househusband Tony Gordon giving the wee table a rubdown with grandma's sporran, stirring porridge with a spurtle (pardon? - ed) and tsk tsking at Maria's empty fridge. Remember that this is the same house in which Tony Gordon once locked Maria and terrorized her. Now they're acting like JayZ and Beyonce. And all that cutesy couple banter is starting to make me ill. Wasn't this the same Maria that was convinced Tony was a killer? Wasn't this the same Maria that painted Murder (Muder, actually - ed) across the factory wall?
Meanwhile, no-one seems to be too concerned that Tonemeister has moved into Maria's abode. Where are the gossips? The wagging tongues? Where's Norris, when you need him?(I guess there's a first time for everything - ed). Of course, I do have my own theories about Tony but I can't figure out Maria's behaviour. True, she does share certain, shall we say, genetic commonalities with Kirkie (eh? - ed) but surely she can divine the fact that Tony Gordon is one creepy dude. Just wait until he starts applying that magical lavender essence around her neck... er I mean shoulders.
MSG? It's short for Maria Sutherland-Gordon. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Really makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up (not to mention the hair on your back and your palms - ed). What's going on anyway chez Maria? Tony and Maria are busy playing 'happy families' and it's turning my stomach (poor Ozzy, he has to watch and can't say a word - ed).
There's psycho-killer turned happy househusband Tony Gordon giving the wee table a rubdown with grandma's sporran, stirring porridge with a spurtle (pardon? - ed) and tsk tsking at Maria's empty fridge. Remember that this is the same house in which Tony Gordon once locked Maria and terrorized her. Now they're acting like JayZ and Beyonce. And all that cutesy couple banter is starting to make me ill. Wasn't this the same Maria that was convinced Tony was a killer? Wasn't this the same Maria that painted Murder (Muder, actually - ed) across the factory wall?
Meanwhile, no-one seems to be too concerned that Tonemeister has moved into Maria's abode. Where are the gossips? The wagging tongues? Where's Norris, when you need him?(I guess there's a first time for everything - ed). Of course, I do have my own theories about Tony but I can't figure out Maria's behaviour. True, she does share certain, shall we say, genetic commonalities with Kirkie (eh? - ed) but surely she can divine the fact that Tony Gordon is one creepy dude. Just wait until he starts applying that magical lavender essence around her neck... er I mean shoulders.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tony Theory pt 2
no spoilers were used in the preparation of this post
Ah yes, Tony Gordon, my old nemesis. Let's continue to get into the head of Corrie's most fascinating villain (hey, what about Len Windass? - ed). My theory is that Tony hasn't changed or mellowed or repented his evil ways.
That's because I think one of defining moments of his life was when he took his revenge on poor Lisa Worthington. In case you don't remember the story, let me reprise the key points.
Lisa was Tony's head of sales but it turns out that she was having an affair with Tony's biggest competitor, Richard Shaw. So Tony told Lisa's husband, a rugby player, who 'sorted' Mr. Shaw. Shaw's wife also got a call which resulted in a divorce which was very expensive for Richard Shaw, which subsequently allowed Tony to buy Shaw's business for a song.
"By that time Lisa was working for him so I got the pleasure of sacking her as well." says Tony.
"Don't mess about you, do you?" says Maria
"She betrayed me."
Now, if we use this pivotal story as a template for Tony's modus operandi, we can see that Tony's objective is nothing more than total annihilation of his enemy. It's simple. Liam was his enemy. Tony killed Liam, then devastated Carla by telling her what he did and why. Now he's currying favour with Maria. What would be a more complete and total revenge against Liam than for Tony to get real 'chummy' with Maria, the grieving widow of the man he hates?
I know it's yucky but I can't help thinking Tony's capable of anything.
Or am I just being too cynical and too Machiavellian? (who's that? one of Jack's pigeons - ed).
Ah yes, Tony Gordon, my old nemesis. Let's continue to get into the head of Corrie's most fascinating villain (hey, what about Len Windass? - ed). My theory is that Tony hasn't changed or mellowed or repented his evil ways.
That's because I think one of defining moments of his life was when he took his revenge on poor Lisa Worthington. In case you don't remember the story, let me reprise the key points.
Lisa was Tony's head of sales but it turns out that she was having an affair with Tony's biggest competitor, Richard Shaw. So Tony told Lisa's husband, a rugby player, who 'sorted' Mr. Shaw. Shaw's wife also got a call which resulted in a divorce which was very expensive for Richard Shaw, which subsequently allowed Tony to buy Shaw's business for a song.
"By that time Lisa was working for him so I got the pleasure of sacking her as well." says Tony.
"Don't mess about you, do you?" says Maria
"She betrayed me."
Now, if we use this pivotal story as a template for Tony's modus operandi, we can see that Tony's objective is nothing more than total annihilation of his enemy. It's simple. Liam was his enemy. Tony killed Liam, then devastated Carla by telling her what he did and why. Now he's currying favour with Maria. What would be a more complete and total revenge against Liam than for Tony to get real 'chummy' with Maria, the grieving widow of the man he hates?
I know it's yucky but I can't help thinking Tony's capable of anything.
Or am I just being too cynical and too Machiavellian? (who's that? one of Jack's pigeons - ed).
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
oy vey maria
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the November 16 episode on CBC
Let's take a deep breath and think about this for a moment. Your way (misspelled graffiti, wild accusations, attempted auto-homicide) doesn't seem to be working. I suggest you take a few simple precautions and then maybe you'll have better success. With respect, here's my five simple tips:
1. If you must confront Tony Gordon, please don't do it alone in a locked house or in a locked office at Underworld. Try bringing someone with you (like Fiz or, in a worse case scenario, Kirk) to ensure your safety and to act as a witness.
2. Have you ever thought of bringing a small recording device with you when you talk to Tony? These small digital devices are cheap and easy to use. Maybe you can catch Tony confessing to something on tape. That way you wouldn't seem so - how you say - off your head.
3. For goodness sake, think of the baby. You can't continue to go charging around, working yourself into a lather and getting airbagged in car collisions. This is not good for the sprog. Try to think ahead and look at what's really important (your health and the baby's health).
4. The next time you're in the Kabin, try slapping Norris on the head a la 'Benny-Hill'. It may not help, but it would be fun and I, for one, would enjoy it. (Sorry, this one's a bit off topic)
5. Get a plan. If you think Tony killed Liam (and Jed Stone), you need proof. Ask questions. Find the bald-headed accomplice. Ask the police about the car which hit Liam and was then disposed of or burned or something. If you need help, enlist Audrey. She's skeptical right now but just point out to her that Richard Hillman tried to make her seem crazy too. I'm sure she'll come around.
I know that right now you're out of your head with grief, worry and fear but you've got lots of friends on the street who want to help you. You just have to give them - and yourself - a chance.
Maria, lovey, you've got to get a grip (...on Tony's neck? - ed). You and 'sprog-of-Liam' could end up behind bars for aiming a mid-size Japanese sports car at Tony Gordon (good mileage though - ed).
Maria's Mitsubishi in happier times...
1. If you must confront Tony Gordon, please don't do it alone in a locked house or in a locked office at Underworld. Try bringing someone with you (like Fiz or, in a worse case scenario, Kirk) to ensure your safety and to act as a witness.
2. Have you ever thought of bringing a small recording device with you when you talk to Tony? These small digital devices are cheap and easy to use. Maybe you can catch Tony confessing to something on tape. That way you wouldn't seem so - how you say - off your head.
3. For goodness sake, think of the baby. You can't continue to go charging around, working yourself into a lather and getting airbagged in car collisions. This is not good for the sprog. Try to think ahead and look at what's really important (your health and the baby's health).
4. The next time you're in the Kabin, try slapping Norris on the head a la 'Benny-Hill'. It may not help, but it would be fun and I, for one, would enjoy it. (Sorry, this one's a bit off topic)
5. Get a plan. If you think Tony killed Liam (and Jed Stone), you need proof. Ask questions. Find the bald-headed accomplice. Ask the police about the car which hit Liam and was then disposed of or burned or something. If you need help, enlist Audrey. She's skeptical right now but just point out to her that Richard Hillman tried to make her seem crazy too. I'm sure she'll come around.
I know that right now you're out of your head with grief, worry and fear but you've got lots of friends on the street who want to help you. You just have to give them - and yourself - a chance.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Indecent proposals
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 1 episode on CBC
Indecent proposal was a 1993 movie based on the premise that a married woman agrees to have sex with another man for $1,000,000 (that's US dollars, it would be more expensive to sleep with Demi Moore in Canada -ed). Small wonder that Tony Gordon's desperate and outrageous offer to Maria Sutherland is more than a little reminiscent of that film. I can't quite remember how that scene played out in the Corrie episode but I think the writers could have scripted the scene in a few different ways...
Tony: One million pounds for the baby. How about it?
Maria: Well, okay, but first show me the baby, then I'll see if I can afford it.
Tony: Oh for guidness sake, where's that bloody belt?
or...
Tony: How about one million pounds for your baby?
Maria: I'm not selling my baby!
Tony: Oh for guidness sake, where's that bloody belt?
or...
Tony: I'll give you one million pounds for your baby
Maria: I don't understand
Tony: Look, it's very simple. I give you a million pounds.
Maria: But who gets the baby?
Tony: You get the baby
Maria: So who gets the million pounds?
Tony: Oh for guidness sake. I'll just kill myself. Where did I put that damn belt?
...or
Maria: Let me get this straight. You want to give me a million pounds?
Tony: Yes
Maria: For my baby...?
Tony: Yes
Maria: So my baby gets a million pounds?
Tony: Yes
Maria: ...and what do you get?
Tony: Nothing
Maria: Well that doesn't sound fair!
Tony: Och forget it. Here's your bloody key. I'm outta here.
Shots from the hip... that's it for the week. Have a great weekend. Enjoy the high drama on Corrie and meet me back here next week... thanks for your comments too, the inspirational fuel of my mindless ramblings (See?)
Indecent proposal was a 1993 movie based on the premise that a married woman agrees to have sex with another man for $1,000,000 (that's US dollars, it would be more expensive to sleep with Demi Moore in Canada -ed). Small wonder that Tony Gordon's desperate and outrageous offer to Maria Sutherland is more than a little reminiscent of that film. I can't quite remember how that scene played out in the Corrie episode but I think the writers could have scripted the scene in a few different ways...
Tony: One million pounds for the baby. How about it?
Maria: Well, okay, but first show me the baby, then I'll see if I can afford it.
Tony: Oh for guidness sake, where's that bloody belt?
or...
Tony: How about one million pounds for your baby?
Maria: I'm not selling my baby!
Tony: Oh for guidness sake, where's that bloody belt?
or...
Tony: I'll give you one million pounds for your baby
Maria: I don't understand
Tony: Look, it's very simple. I give you a million pounds.
Maria: But who gets the baby?
Tony: You get the baby
Maria: So who gets the million pounds?
Tony: Oh for guidness sake. I'll just kill myself. Where did I put that damn belt?
...or
Maria: Let me get this straight. You want to give me a million pounds?
Tony: Yes
Maria: For my baby...?
Tony: Yes
Maria: So my baby gets a million pounds?
Tony: Yes
Maria: ...and what do you get?
Tony: Nothing
Maria: Well that doesn't sound fair!
Tony: Och forget it. Here's your bloody key. I'm outta here.
***
Shots from the hip... that's it for the week. Have a great weekend. Enjoy the high drama on Corrie and meet me back here next week... thanks for your comments too, the inspirational fuel of my mindless ramblings (See?)
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Law & Order, SVU
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the September 22 episode on CBC
Welcome to Law & Order, SVU (Scottish Victim Unit)
"On Coronation Street, Tony Gordon-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Weatherfield, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are usually in the Rovers trying to stitch up Becky Granger or on the lookout for kidnapper-teachers with fake cats or in Spain (where is Mel Morton anyway?). They are members of an elite squad, known as the Scottish Victims Unit. These are their stories."
Dunk dunk (you know, that Law & Order sound effect)
Welcome to Law & Order, SVU (Scottish Victim Unit)
"On Coronation Street, Tony Gordon-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Weatherfield, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are usually in the Rovers trying to stitch up Becky Granger or on the lookout for kidnapper-teachers with fake cats or in Spain (where is Mel Morton anyway?). They are members of an elite squad, known as the Scottish Victims Unit. These are their stories."
Dunk dunk (you know, that Law & Order sound effect)
Coronation Street
Maria: Why would he marry Carla if he knew she'd been with Liam?
Rosie: I don’t know. All I did was show him the video. What he makes of it is none of my business.
Rosie: I don’t know. All I did was show him the video. What he makes of it is none of my business.
Dunk, dunk
Maria Sutherland residence, Coronation StreetMaria: Tony said all he ever did was flirt. He told me there was never anything going on. He lied!
Michelle: Well you don’t know that. Look, you're putting yourself through so much.
Dunk, dunk
Michelle: Well you don’t know that. Look, you're putting yourself through so much.
Dunk, dunk
Rovers Return Public House, Coronation Street
Maria: I don’t get it. Would you ask Liam to be your best man if you'd just seen your fiancee kissing him? Not even dressed and kissing him?
Tom: You've got to stop asking these questions. You'll make yourself ill.
Maria: No, I need to speak to Pat.
Tom: You don’t, Maria.
Maria: Well he must know why Tony chose Liam. Straight after he sees the video, he goes and asks Liam to be his best man. Something’s not right, Tom.
Dunk, dunk
Tom: You've got to stop asking these questions. You'll make yourself ill.
Maria: No, I need to speak to Pat.
Tom: You don’t, Maria.
Maria: Well he must know why Tony chose Liam. Straight after he sees the video, he goes and asks Liam to be his best man. Something’s not right, Tom.
Dunk, dunk
Coronation Street
Pat: I can't help you. I didn't know Liam. I hardly know Carla.
Maria: She wasn't even dressed. Spent the night together and then Tony went and asked Liam to be his best man. Why would he do that, Pat?
Pat: He wouldn't, love. You don't know my brother. If our Tony thought anything was going on between Liam and Carla, he wouldn't have gone up the aisle, unless he killed him first. See ya.
Maria: She wasn't even dressed. Spent the night together and then Tony went and asked Liam to be his best man. Why would he do that, Pat?
Pat: He wouldn't, love. You don't know my brother. If our Tony thought anything was going on between Liam and Carla, he wouldn't have gone up the aisle, unless he killed him first. See ya.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Maria d'Urbervilles
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the August 12 episode on CBC
Meet Tess of the d'Urbervilles, a young lady from a peasant family who endures misfortune after misfortune. Tess is taken advantage of by a rogue, has a baby who lives only one week, loses the man she loves (twice), stays with a man she hates. kills the man she hates and is arrested for murder and... well you get the idea.
When I see Maria sitting in church with Ozzie, I can't help thinking that she is the Street's 'Tess', the original hard luck girl. Maria herself alludes to this at one point by saying that her family seems to be plagued with bad luck. Maria, like Tess, has noble aspirations. She transforms herself from a Wellington-boot wearing kennel worker into a bona fide hairdresser. Along the way, she has a string of failed relationships with men from Jason to Nick (of Canada) to Peter Barlow. (For the record: she is bored in Canada, probably from watching too much Peter Mansbridge).
Her only true love (arguably) is Tyrone but she loses him. Incredibly, he dumps her since he can never meet her expectations. The family leaves the kennel in the hands of CEO Kirk (he's no Richard Branson - ed) to go look after donkeys (that's right, donkeys). Kirk loses the business and is now unemployed (I think). Meanwhile Maria continues to lurch from disaster to disaster (a sordid affair with Charlie Stubbs, for example). Most recently there is the sad story of her dead baby and. of course, the death of her husband Liam.
The novel, Tess of the d'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy, was published in 1891. Maria's saga has yet to be played out but I do hope her luck changes. She certainly deserves it.
Meet Tess of the d'Urbervilles, a young lady from a peasant family who endures misfortune after misfortune. Tess is taken advantage of by a rogue, has a baby who lives only one week, loses the man she loves (twice), stays with a man she hates. kills the man she hates and is arrested for murder and... well you get the idea.
When I see Maria sitting in church with Ozzie, I can't help thinking that she is the Street's 'Tess', the original hard luck girl. Maria herself alludes to this at one point by saying that her family seems to be plagued with bad luck. Maria, like Tess, has noble aspirations. She transforms herself from a Wellington-boot wearing kennel worker into a bona fide hairdresser. Along the way, she has a string of failed relationships with men from Jason to Nick (of Canada) to Peter Barlow. (For the record: she is bored in Canada, probably from watching too much Peter Mansbridge).
Her only true love (arguably) is Tyrone but she loses him. Incredibly, he dumps her since he can never meet her expectations. The family leaves the kennel in the hands of CEO Kirk (he's no Richard Branson - ed) to go look after donkeys (that's right, donkeys). Kirk loses the business and is now unemployed (I think). Meanwhile Maria continues to lurch from disaster to disaster (a sordid affair with Charlie Stubbs, for example). Most recently there is the sad story of her dead baby and. of course, the death of her husband Liam.
The novel, Tess of the d'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy, was published in 1891. Maria's saga has yet to be played out but I do hope her luck changes. She certainly deserves it.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Liam the love zombie
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 28 episode on CBC
Remember when Carla managed to insinuate herself back into Liam's life by secretly investing in his new company? For the bargain price of £50,000, she got part ownership in a budding t-shirt company ('Sad rags'? - ed) and an opportunity to torture Liam - all at the same time.
So what was she thinking? That she would be able to turn Liam on and off like a water fountain on Bessie Street? Bad idea. Liam has transformed from a dark, sullen, brooding fellow into an even more dark, sullen brooding fellow. We don't know exactly why or how, but he has become a single-minded robot, a love zombie and his caveman mantra seems to be: 'me want Carla, must have Carla!' (Must be taking elocution lessons from Terry Duckworth - ed). Carla's little teasefest is now completely out of control.
"Why are you doing this?" asks Carla when Liam pops over to get an eyeful (and more) of the tasty bride while the Tonester is out for the night.
"Because I'm sick and tired of trying not to," replies Liam with that now-familiar Tim Horton trademark glazed look in his eyes.
After Carla 'clip clops' across the room in her heels to remove her bridal outerwear, the twosome have it off and manage to finish up their horizontal hijinks mere moments before Tony shows up - sick to his stomach with rage and resentment (either that or he ate a dodgy hotpot - ed). I thought it was impossible, but I even felt a twinge of sympathy for Tony. Not only did he have to endure the inane ramblings of clueless Tom ("Tony, chillax, yeah") at the Rovers but he is about to get married to the woman who's having it off with her late-husband's brother. Yowsa!
Meanwhile, Maria can't catch a break. As winner of the 'Charlie Stubb's bit on the side' award, you'd think she would deserve better and yet there she is sitting alone listening to Adele on the radio singing 'Chasing Pavements'. What happens next? Well, according to Tom, Tony's bachelor party is supposed to be a "10 point plan for oblivion" and Michelle thinks it would be a grand idea to have the hen party and the stag party get together. I don't like the sound of this. Worlds will collide and people, including Carla, will almost certainly get hurt.
Remember when Carla managed to insinuate herself back into Liam's life by secretly investing in his new company? For the bargain price of £50,000, she got part ownership in a budding t-shirt company ('Sad rags'? - ed) and an opportunity to torture Liam - all at the same time.
So what was she thinking? That she would be able to turn Liam on and off like a water fountain on Bessie Street? Bad idea. Liam has transformed from a dark, sullen, brooding fellow into an even more dark, sullen brooding fellow. We don't know exactly why or how, but he has become a single-minded robot, a love zombie and his caveman mantra seems to be: 'me want Carla, must have Carla!' (Must be taking elocution lessons from Terry Duckworth - ed). Carla's little teasefest is now completely out of control.
"Why are you doing this?" asks Carla when Liam pops over to get an eyeful (and more) of the tasty bride while the Tonester is out for the night.
"Because I'm sick and tired of trying not to," replies Liam with that now-familiar Tim Horton trademark glazed look in his eyes.
After Carla 'clip clops' across the room in her heels to remove her bridal outerwear, the twosome have it off and manage to finish up their horizontal hijinks mere moments before Tony shows up - sick to his stomach with rage and resentment (either that or he ate a dodgy hotpot - ed). I thought it was impossible, but I even felt a twinge of sympathy for Tony. Not only did he have to endure the inane ramblings of clueless Tom ("Tony, chillax, yeah") at the Rovers but he is about to get married to the woman who's having it off with her late-husband's brother. Yowsa!
Meanwhile, Maria can't catch a break. As winner of the 'Charlie Stubb's bit on the side' award, you'd think she would deserve better and yet there she is sitting alone listening to Adele on the radio singing 'Chasing Pavements'. What happens next? Well, according to Tom, Tony's bachelor party is supposed to be a "10 point plan for oblivion" and Michelle thinks it would be a grand idea to have the hen party and the stag party get together. I don't like the sound of this. Worlds will collide and people, including Carla, will almost certainly get hurt.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
the webster web
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the July 20 episode on CBC
Rosie Webster's disappearance is making waves up and down Coronation Street and the best part is how the story interconnects with so many characters in different ways. In fact, almost everyone seems to getting involved in one way or another.
Kevin and Sally are astounded to read Rosie's bank statement (must be the exorbitant service fees - ed) and the police are hot on the trail of the £25,000.
Sophie is royally teed off because her paernts are obsessed with Rosie. Rita gets into the act telling Sophie, "I always thought you had a bit more about you."
The factory crew are livid because they believe Rosie has ripped them off and absconded off with their lottery winnings - after all they've done for her. "How does the Weatherfield Barbie repay me?" says Sean.
The investigation into the $25,000 is making Janice increasingly antsy and she is now getting cold feet about the whole plan with Leanne.
Leanne is in a spot of bother because she committed to give/lend her share of the money to Dan to buy the bookies.
Meanwhile, far from the Street, in an undisclosed luxury spa, Tony is making Richard Hillman look like Mr. Dressup as he unveils a creepy plan for the weekend (full body massage with a loofa brush and a Brazilian wax? - ed). He regales Carla, Liam and Maria with a humourous story about how a female employee betrayed him by having an extramarital affair with a competitor - so he had the competitor beaten senseless, broke up the guy's marriage, bought his company for a song and fired the female employee. (Funny story but I guess you had to be there).
That's just the start. Then it's time for "a chat between two guys" says Tony. Hmm. Let's see: Liam and Tony, mano-a- mcmano, off for a brisk walk to a place where there is a very large sign which reads 'DANGER'. What could possibly go wrong?
Rosie Webster's disappearance is making waves up and down Coronation Street and the best part is how the story interconnects with so many characters in different ways. In fact, almost everyone seems to getting involved in one way or another.
Kevin and Sally are astounded to read Rosie's bank statement (must be the exorbitant service fees - ed) and the police are hot on the trail of the £25,000.
Sophie is royally teed off because her paernts are obsessed with Rosie. Rita gets into the act telling Sophie, "I always thought you had a bit more about you."
The factory crew are livid because they believe Rosie has ripped them off and absconded off with their lottery winnings - after all they've done for her. "How does the Weatherfield Barbie repay me?" says Sean.
The investigation into the $25,000 is making Janice increasingly antsy and she is now getting cold feet about the whole plan with Leanne.
Leanne is in a spot of bother because she committed to give/lend her share of the money to Dan to buy the bookies.
Meanwhile, far from the Street, in an undisclosed luxury spa, Tony is making Richard Hillman look like Mr. Dressup as he unveils a creepy plan for the weekend (full body massage with a loofa brush and a Brazilian wax? - ed). He regales Carla, Liam and Maria with a humourous story about how a female employee betrayed him by having an extramarital affair with a competitor - so he had the competitor beaten senseless, broke up the guy's marriage, bought his company for a song and fired the female employee. (Funny story but I guess you had to be there).
That's just the start. Then it's time for "a chat between two guys" says Tony. Hmm. Let's see: Liam and Tony, mano-a- mcmano, off for a brisk walk to a place where there is a very large sign which reads 'DANGER'. What could possibly go wrong?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Planet Sean
spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the June 23 episode on CBC
It was sad to see Marcus pull away from Coronation Street in a taxi, leaving Sean in tears and Eileen with the damning observation that he (Sean) was probably making "the biggest mistake of his life."
Marcus played a key part in recent stories on the street. He helped Maria through her pregnancy crisis and the trauma of her dead baby. He helped Sean through his fatherhood crisis and the never-ending strife with Violet. (Don't forget his Botox training - ed) But the real genius of his character was that he helped make the notion of a 'gay' storyline or a 'straight' storyline irrelevant. He was simply a good character and an interesting addition to the Street regardless of his sexual orientation.
Of course, he still had to deal with the inhabitant of what he calls "Planet Sean" (population: 1) and that has proven to be too much even for Marcus. Sean is impetuous and insecure. One minute, Sean wants to be a dad. The next minute, he's in Ibitha with Lauren. The next minute he's being fired from Underworld. Marcus cannot deal with the selfishness. "I'm sick of being your straight man," he says during their breakup fight. Sean is sincerely remorseful but it seems that it's too little, too late. To be fair, Marcus was staying with his ex (the mysterious Noel) in London and didn't provide full disclosure to Sean about his past relationship with Noel. But all that is ancient history now as Marcus seems to be exiting Coronation Street in a one-way taxi ride.
Then, just when you reflect on how homosexual characters have evolved on the Street, Jerry Morton comes home, observes his neatly tidied house and assumes it was the work of "gay burglars".
Marcus. come back. We need you.
It was sad to see Marcus pull away from Coronation Street in a taxi, leaving Sean in tears and Eileen with the damning observation that he (Sean) was probably making "the biggest mistake of his life."
Marcus played a key part in recent stories on the street. He helped Maria through her pregnancy crisis and the trauma of her dead baby. He helped Sean through his fatherhood crisis and the never-ending strife with Violet. (Don't forget his Botox training - ed) But the real genius of his character was that he helped make the notion of a 'gay' storyline or a 'straight' storyline irrelevant. He was simply a good character and an interesting addition to the Street regardless of his sexual orientation.
Of course, he still had to deal with the inhabitant of what he calls "Planet Sean" (population: 1) and that has proven to be too much even for Marcus. Sean is impetuous and insecure. One minute, Sean wants to be a dad. The next minute, he's in Ibitha with Lauren. The next minute he's being fired from Underworld. Marcus cannot deal with the selfishness. "I'm sick of being your straight man," he says during their breakup fight. Sean is sincerely remorseful but it seems that it's too little, too late. To be fair, Marcus was staying with his ex (the mysterious Noel) in London and didn't provide full disclosure to Sean about his past relationship with Noel. But all that is ancient history now as Marcus seems to be exiting Coronation Street in a one-way taxi ride.
Then, just when you reflect on how homosexual characters have evolved on the Street, Jerry Morton comes home, observes his neatly tidied house and assumes it was the work of "gay burglars".
Marcus. come back. We need you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)