Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Personal ads

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the April 20 episode on CBC

If you saw their personal ads on Craig's List... (no not Craig Harris, former boyfriend of Rosie and semi-professional goth, the other Craig's List), they might go something like this:

Woman seeking man...
Doe-eyed young SWF who is actually a MWF (married white female) with very red lips and a penchant for car mechanics seeks mature, hairy garage guy for laughs, conversation and casual legovers.

Must be into jogging, grocery stores and interested in marathons. Age not important. Prefer men without mullets, moustaches, catty wives and slapper daughters - but am flexible (if you know what I mean...). What are ya like? You have a sense of humour, appreciate independent women and have a passion for small business accounting and VAT. You also like running through the Red Rec in unfashionable short shorts, snogging on benches and doing it in corner shops if necessary (between trips to the cash and carry). Call after hours. No weirdos or my husband should reply.

Man seeking woman...
Married bloke with small auto repair business, ambitious shrill wife, one slapper daughter and one born again daughter, seeks fantasy escape with fit (very fit actually) woman in the neighbourhood for occasional bone-jumping and horizontal jogging. Must share similar interests, local drinking establishment, SEX and VAT. Marital status not important. Would prefer not to 'do the dirty' with me business partner, but I'm flexible.

You are into marathons and secret rendezvous' and don't mind hiding in the trunk of a motor car every now and then if necessary. You like older men who stay in shape, play darts, beat the living daylights out of pervy schoolteachers and stand up to the likes of Tony Gordon (opps, probably shouldn't have put that bloke's name in the ad - oh well).

Give me a ring on me cell, but wait till the wife's at Underworld (damn, did it again!) or I can come round to yours in me tow truck.

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