Thursday, May 20, 2010

car washing 101

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the May 19 episode on CBC

How To Wash Your Car
the first (maybe) in a series of edukational articles by Rosie Webster

If you're lucky enough to get a flash motor because you got a lot of cash from a perv in prison - like me - then you probably want to know if you need to do anything to it. Well, duh, yes. You have to get someone to put petrol in it (hint: it doesn't go in the glove compartment) and you have to take care of the wires under the bonnet. Then there is the most important thing: washing.

As everyone knows (well everyone except saddoes like my dad & mum), the most important part about washing a car is the clothes you wear. You have to look good otherwise what is the point of washing the car in the first place? So, the first priority is your outfit:

What to wear:
- high heel shoes
- hot pants or tiny cut-off jeans
- a skimpy top or halter top (if you don't have this, just wear a string bikini instead)
- daytime make-up and tanning oil (my mom says you need sunblock with SPF but I think she means BFF - which she doesn't have)

Equipment you will need:
- a radio playing way cool tunes
- an iced cappuccino
- I think that's it, no wait, you also need some of that soapy water stuff (ask my dad or Tyrone how to make that and to bring it over to you)
- a cloth (I use one of Sophie's tops or underwear)

What to do:
- lean over the car so that cute lads can see your sexy bod
- groove to the beat if you hear a groovy song
- ignore pervs and losers who whistle or make crude comments

try not to get any of that soapy water in the big opening where the seats, leather, steering wheel and other stuff is. I wish that these kinds of cars (Dad says the technical term is 'convertible' ) came with some kind of weatherproof covering for when it rains. Oh well.


Remember Corrie fans that today's episode airs at 3.30pm (eastern). Please check your local listings. As for me, I will be on the road for a few days (skiving more like - ed) so I may have difficulty posting for a few days. I will try to do the TGIF but it may turn out to be TGISaturday or TGISunday. Sorry about that. Nevertheless, have a great weekend and cheers to all.

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