On the jail trail

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Feb 9 episode on CBC

The way I see it, they better start building an extension onto Her Majesty's Prison in beautiful downtown Weatherfield (you mean besides the Tony Gordon wing and the Tracy Barlow Atrium? - ed). Let's review recent developments.

1. John Stape has committed identity theft (BTW, if you're going to steal an identity, try to aim for something like Tony Blair or Mick Jagger, rather than Colin Fishwick, but I digress) and is teaching illicitly in Rochdale. I figure it's only a matter of time before some enterprising student uses that little-known, hi-tech searching software (what's it called again? Oh, yes, GOOGLE) to discover Stape's real identity. Before you can say, "I'm making goo goo eyes at another comely sixth form student", ol' Stape will be back in the nick. The crime? Teaching without a licence. I hope they throw the book at him (any book will do - ed).

2. Gary Windass is AWOL (no it doesn't mean away without lager - ed). Apparently, Gary is not in the army now. Contrary to that popular ditty, ol' Gary has discovered that his country needs him... to be skiving. That appears to be what he's doing. A military tribunal could well place Gary in the proverbial stockade and I don't think they'll be swayed by Eddie's tasty assortment of cupcakes and bundt cakes.

3. Kevin Webster has done what my mechanic regularly does to my car when it goes in for servicing: Nothing! (yes, but his prices are very reasonable - ed). As a result, Tyrone can't put the brakes on his brakes and his motor is now going sideways. They could charge Kevin with any number of crimes: aggravated assault (he was aggravated and Molly wanted to assault him), leaving the scene of a crime (i.e. after knocking up Molly) or impaired driving taste (an orange tow truck? really? someone call Steven and Chris for some auto fashion advice, stat!).

Anyhoo, it looks like an one of these three could find themselves behind bars.. and I don't mean the Rovers and the Flying Horse...