Wednesday, October 19, 2011

How to care for babies by Rosie Webster

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the October 18 episode on CBC

As you know, Rosie Webster is extremely busy these days building her modelling career and canoodling with Jason the builder. As you may recall, Rosie has already imparted her unique wisdom on topics including accumulator bets , how to wash a car and classical music. She's kindly taken time off from her grueling schedule to share her recently-acquired expertise about babies.

1. Okay. If you like need a sprog for photo shoot purposes or to look more like Posh Spice, there's no need to give birth (gross!). Just borrow a sprog from a neighbour or family member. I borrowed Dad's love child, Jack, for a photo shoot. What a brainwave!

2. Make sure that someone (not you) has fed and changed the baby. Rich babes like Posh Spice hire nannies to do this work. Once I have a successful modelling career, I will totally do the same. In fact, I'll probably hire someone to have my baby for me too since, let's face it, popping a sprong is seriously gross.

3. Changing a diaper is not that hard. I know it sounds gross but just think of a diaper as a really ugly thong especially if Jason buys the wrong kind and they are too small.

4. If the baby cries, try playing some techno music or Kylie Minogue. It won't stop the baby from crying but you'll love the cool tunes.

5. Don't be afraid to give the baby a cool, temporary name like Brooklyn or Romeo or Cruz. Personally, I like the name 'Boston'. Sounds cool and American, much better than sad ol'  'Jack'. Say it with me: 'Boston Webster'. Brilliant!

6. If you leave the baby somewhere because you're like really busy or whatever, just call Alfie on your cellphone. Your agent is supposed to help you with things like this. But don't worry. We found Boston, I mean Jack. If I'd lost my phone, now that would be a real emergency!

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