Thursday, November 24, 2011

John Stape's medications

spoiler alert: this post makes reference to the Nov 23 episode on CBC

Now that John has decided to ignore hunky Dr. Carter's advice and stop taking his medications, I thought it might be instructive to see exactly what pharmaceuticals ol' Stapey is taking to avoid a return visit to the Weatherfield pysch ward. Of course this kind of info is strictly confidential - unless you ask Gail Platt to hack into the electronic health records (EHR) - which she will gladly do to prevent darling Nick or David from marrying a slag (well, one out of two...- ed). Anyway, here's what I think John is taking:

DIDACTICA - a new class of drug designed to affect the brain receptors which naturally make people want to teach. In John's case, this oral contra-comprehensive suppresses his urge to become an educator or assume another teacher's identity. Should be taken once a day with a school lunch. Side effects include a pronounced appetite for reading, wiriting and arithmetic.

St JOHN'S THWART - from the herbal remedy portfolio, this anti-abductive, taken regularly, helps reduce John's recurrent kidnapping tendencies. Should be taken twice a day as a tea infusion with a hobnob or custard slice. Side effects: Rosie Webster hallucinations and a desire for vodka shots.

KIPITOR - a sedative designed to help John sleep at night. One a day taken before bedtime. Side effects include a desire not to be on drugs.

DIE-AGRA - perhaps the most important medication, DIE-AGRA is a powerful new drug which inhibits the murder antagonist receptors in the neuro-cortex thus subverting the desire to kill colleagues, mothers of colleagues and cover up the deaths of colleagues. Take as needed. Can be refilled anytime. Side effects: drowsiness.

No comments:

Post a Comment