Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Everyone on Coronation Street killed Frank Foster

please note this post makes reference to the June 4 episode on CBC

what you need to know: Frank Foster is definitely deceased (I thought he was resting, like the Norwegian Blue), Carl's stuck on the roof of the Rovers due to a continuing satellite TV spat with Stella, Dennis Tanner got a job but it's in Birmingham, Streetcars 2-way radio is not working, Sally and Carla have been questioned by police, Lewis is still working at Nick's Bistro, Peter spent the night on a bender and can't remember anything -- and he has blood on his shirt.

My fellow Corrie lovers, ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tools for thee. No man is an island. (get on with it - ed). In other words, it is with a heavy heart that I say to you that we are, all of us, guilty.  We all killed Frank Foster.

Actually I'm not being symbolic or metaphoric. If you take a look at the list of suspects in this crime, you soon realize that the cops will have to interview practically everyone on the Street because almost everyone had a motive. This is a case worthy of Prime Suspect (surely you mean Perm Suspect - ed).

In the public interest, let's draw up a list of suspects:
Sally Webster
Everyone else in the factory including the non-speaking extras
Kev (always quick with his fists)
Roy (he heard that Frank didn't like endangered bats)
Mrs. Foster
Gail (well, she's always a suspect in any murder, isn't she?)
Brian (Frank never liked his healthy eating initiative)
Jenny (jealous of Sally's frozen cuisine skills)
Maria (I hear she wrote 'therapist' on the wall... she just forgot to put a space between the words)
Eccles (it's always the most unlikely suspect)
David Platt (he's innocent but deserves to be in the nick)
Lewis (so THAT's what he's up to - plus he's already serving time)

Phew. I'm exhausted already. Better put the kettle on in the police station and open up the interview room. It's going to be a long day.

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